Sunday, January 31, 2010

Friggin Posers

Do not take your clothing advice from two nerd teens on a beach. Take it from this blog (or from Gina) and use that wisdom to buy things at the Oh Hai Vintage Ebay store.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Internation Support

The former Soviet Union was a once great superpower that found its end in 1991, due to political and economic ruin. The vast land once part of this Federal Socialist Republic is now broken into over a dozen small nations, most surviving in (relative to the first world) poverty. These new nations don't have much as far as natural resources go. But one thing they do have is a seemingly infinite number of twinks, and without them the production of the world's low budget and grainy gay pornography would very likely grind to a halt.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Grandmas Just Don't Understand

I think Grandma has a point here. Looking at his room the naked babe poster sort of screams Sex Offender. And also whispers Virgin.


Thursday, January 28, 2010

More Faces, More Ginger

Poor Ginger, in his awful rage and horrible confusion he came to the conclusion that a YouTube commenter with the name "IShatOnU" would be both "better than that" and "have respect for others". Anyway he dosn't even care what Ishatonu says. He dosn't care so much, that he'll make a four and a half minute video about it. See! Don't care! To his credit what he lacks in logic and reasoning, he makes up for with wild and wacky faces. Holy smokes those faces. Some of the best faces out there. In a very different way then Zac Efron.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Not Today, Racist Stereotypes

I am sick of people's stereotypes. I mean for example people are always saying 'Oh Asian people can't rap' and 'Asian people can only do computers and math and stuff. OK people, you know what, maybe that is true, but quit saying that stuff. How dare you try and deny anyone his god given right to clap squat and point on rooftops?! Who is anyone to say anything!
It's a difficult world we live in! Even if you do manage to carve out some small corner of your own somewhere, where you can be yourself and enjoy your life, there's someone waiting just on the other side of the door with an axe and a friggin bullhorn or blog. He is going to shout in your face and tear your house down! He is gonna punch you and knock you down then sit on your face and FARTINYOURFACE. You know how the world is. It's important to fight for what you want, because you are rarely allowed to just have it. Defend your home. Do your raps. Ignore the haters. It's no one else's life! Who is anyone to say anything! Go for it!

Leave Joy Alone!

I never gave a crap about all that stuff with Conan and Jay Leno. What does any of it have to do with me? So what? Who cares?!
Now there is a new feud thats grabbing America's attention, and involved is day time diva Joy Behar and champion hot dog eater (her secret is dunking them in water) Kirstie Alley. I don't know exactily how this feud started, and I can't be bothered to look into it, I'm not a journalist, this is a blog. What I do know is Kirstie Alley has lost her mind and is writing crazy tweets!
"CHEATING is between a husband and wife. Not TMZ and Joy Bewhore...God, I want to bash her in the vagina with her microphone."- Kirstie Alley
I've watched enough Jenny Jones to know cheating is between more then a husband and a wife, there is usually a mistress or misteress it can be two women, two men, and nobody has to be married for one of the people to cheat. It will still count. Kirstie Alley if you read this webblog let me tell you what, maybe your blood sugar is low, I know what that is like, but lady you need to get audited because you are mad full of thetans saying all those kinda curses and you are making no sense.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Put It In Your Mouth

I'm feeling very confused with this one here, its gross and kind of delish. But probably more gross. There is a lot thats wrong with me

Monday, January 25, 2010

Dare 2 Dream

The world as we've known it is going to radically change for the worst in 2012, Scientists are all telling us that, it's a fact. The Star Trek styled future once imagined by previous generations will never happen. So what do we do with our remaining 2 years?
When I was home for the holiday I was at our neighbors house, after hearing that I lived in New York, our neighbors daughter, a full grown woman about 45 years old, asked if I had even been to Times Square for New Year's Eve. She told me it has always been her dream to go to Times Square for News Year Eve.
Some dreams are real hard, like becoming a character on The Hills, falling in love with Brody Jenner and then having your own spin off reality show about you and Brody and the life you are building together, or meeting Robert Pattinson, and becoming a vampire with him, and living for eternity with him in a castle. So most times these challenging dreams are never even attempted let alone realized.
But if you dream means standing outside in the middle of a freezing New York winter for hours, pressed against fellow midwestern tourists, all looking at nothing in particular, then you better get to work and REALIZE THAT DREAM! We only have 2 years left you guys, lets make the most of it.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

The Future is Now

As we draw closer to our inevitably horrific deaths in 2012, we can take heart that some sweet things have happened here on Earth. Avatar came out and was sweet, we got two Twilight movies and it looks like Virtual Reality technology is finally at a point where Grandmas can be tricked into thinking they are an actual roller coaster, when they are really on a bench going nowhere.


Saturday, January 23, 2010

Sex Can Wait

I want to speak directly to the young women out there who aren't afraid to find their own voices and make a difference in this world, where you at my peeps? Yo, you dogs, let me lay down some wisdom for you. Being a virgin is no big whoop. FACT: we are ALL born virgins and plenty of people remain virgins their whole entire lives, so what, who cares, nobody! Being a virgin can even be an asset. Yes its true, put your razr scooter down, take off your walkman headphones and let me tell you about Sarah Jane Newberry. Pictured above right she is a kewl lady from England who has never had sex ever, never in her whole life, even counting anal. Its not like she hasn't had the option, she had boyfriends (check the ex-boyfriend section of the site). But she's chosen not to let anybody put it in her and for her it's worked out well. Look she has a website of her own and everything!

Stupid French People

This video brings me to a topic I have been looking to broach for weeks now. So I'll just go ahead and broach it. Lets be clear, I'm not I'm a hater, I'll say that right now. I recognize this video is from the 70s or some shit, and thats part of the reason it looks wack. But there is a bigger problem with this video, a problem that goes beyond time, and I'm gonna talk about it, and in examining this problem we have to look an even bigger problem, France.

OK back to the video. lets consider the video. The costumes, wack, the special effects, wack- but I will give a PASS to both these issues of wackness due to the fact that this video was made in the 70s. This is also sort of how 70s American TV shows looked. The real problem is what the heck kind of Star Wars spoof (I'm being generous here) leaves out Han Solo or Obi Wan Kenobi?! I dont even know who those characters are, I think one was Harrison Ford, but I'm not sure, anyway I know that there was more to the story then that robot and Darth Vader! French people either get it right or make your own entertainment. That is the problem!

Which leads us to the bigger issue, France in general is wack. Here are some FACTS

French men often have gay ass names like Marie
French people all smoke a ton, and do it everywhere
The French are wusses and have lost about every war they were involved in
They have created no good TV shows ever, they are all unfunny
I could go on, but this isn't Xenophobic Vintage. Its OHHAI VINTAGE, so I will work on finding more videos and pictures that relate to fashion and animals.


Friday, January 22, 2010

Sadder, Funnier and Realer

Fresh from the driveway between the neighbor's house and his own, Ginger is back, and now he has legal reasonings for things. Man, he has a lot to say here. But let me just go ahead a summarize it for you guys. The bottom line is basically this: "So, you can't tell me nothing, I do what I want. Everybody shut up."

At the risk of being a hater I have to say the fact that his beady eyes remain unblinking throught all of his videos is not helping his argument that have souls.


Thursday, January 21, 2010

Please Trust Me, You Guys

This is a long video you guys, but you'll need to watch all of it. Theres something to be learned here. Life isn't getting any easier, things are only getting worse, then, in 2012, it's gonna all be over. If the recent events in Haiti have taught us anything, it is that we should all be a lot more grateful for what we have. The line between comfort and civilization and anarchy and death is razor thin, and it would not take much for life as we know it to be altered terribly and irreparably. We live forever on the brink of an awful nightmare, there is no other way to live. But while we're here, while we are comfortable on our decks and we are wearing our shorts, let's take advantage of it! Like this guy is doing! We should all be so lucky as to carve out a little tiny patch of happiness from the miserable rubble of the world we live in. Even if the only way to carve that patch is by standing out on our deck in khaki shorts and giving a manic, incomprehensible, six minute rant and calling it comedy. On a side note, Lynn what will it take to get this guy a set at The Comedy Store? Seriously let's make that happen.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Baby Daddy, Just a Baby!

You guys it looks like Sarah's Pops has some competition for the 'WORLD'S BEST DAD!' title. How cute right? SO CUTE! I'm gonna get those cheeks. Leeme get those cheeks I'm gonna eat those cheeks. But also scary right? What are those background dancers doing? They shouldn't be doing that. I think I have to go to jail for watching that part. And what the? It gets scary when MINI DADDY starts pointing his finger and making a mean face. Is that supposed to be a gun? That part is scary. Is that racist of me to say? I have so many feelings. Does anyone out there know what he is rapping about? I'm guessing its something about childhood diabeetus?

After doing some more research and cementing my future in jail, I found that apparently this is a cultural thing I didn't understand. Lots of times husky precocious foreign boys rap with overtly sexualized pre-pubescent girls Zanger Bob


Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Toon Time

Anyone who knows me knows I love cats, being alone, and reading the web. Reading the web for some people would be work, but you know for me, its a labour of love. Follow your passion you know? And that passion, whoops, leads me to TasteofPoisonParadise, a NSFW site where Disney characters are undressed. The weird part (lots of wierd parts to this site) is that it turns out all the toons wear briefs, boxer briefs or jockstraps.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Funny Sad Real

You Guys, it turns out whoever said 'Don't jude a book by it's cover' was totally wrong. Email me personally to reserve your copy of this UNAUTHORIZED Biography!

For MLK Day

Sometimes you come across things on the web that can be very confusing in a lot of different ways. Like, if I had to judge this clip and had a triangular graphic equalizer with sides labled FUNNY, SAD, REAL, then I would probably mark X in the center of the triangle with a ;-( face next to it. So many emotions! And though it has been about 33 years since I was last legally allowed in a highschool I know that public addressing of teen haters will not help this Ginger's cause. Stop now! I know this is a Blog about fashion and finding the kewlest jeans, but let me address this kid directly and offer a few words of advice. Ginger: Shut your G.D. mouth. Get off Youtube and keep your head down in school for chrissakes, do not anwser questions in class, it will only draw attention to your gay Ginger voice, continue to have lunch with the teachers and if you play your cards right you maybe will be able to get your butt outta there in one piece. Also become good at something like computers or some shit. But stay off Youtube.


Friday, January 1, 2010


Another year has crept by and the planet's taken one more spin around the sun. As we get older, we inevitably begin to reflect on the choices we've made in life that have brought us to this particular point. Things rarely turn out the way that we think or hope, and some of the heavy, inevitable truths of aging and the vagaries of middle-to-old age cannot be imagined or understood until they are experienced. One morning you look in the mirror and it's your father (or your mother) staring back at you. And yet, no decision or path taken can be disentangled from any other decision or path. As we learned from the philosophical treatise Sliding Doors, you are the inextricable accumulation of an infinite number of choices leading towards one compound outcome. Or, if physicist Brian Greene is to be believed, then our existence is just one of an infinite number of mirror existences in the multi-verse, each holding an opportunity or possibility or hair color (Sliding Doors!) being somehow expressed simultaneously in the far reaches of the universe.
Would our world be any different if German Chancellor Angela wore pink frosted lipstick and a Bumpit? We may never know.