Saturday, November 27, 2010
She's 41 year old lesbian who teaches P.E. at an area public school, coaches the girls basketball team and is an active dater on eharmony.com
Friday, November 26, 2010
What is going on here?
Between this and his lip-dub, with 50 Cents, I’m getting pretty worried about Keenan, you guys. He used to be one of the hardest syncers in the game, but now he is just straight up mocking his former self with this blah-blah-blah laziness. And, uh, I mean, uh, what is going on with the whole, you know DIAMONDS ON HIS FACE AND ALSO WHATS GOING ON WITH THEM CLOTHES?
Obviously our prayers are with Keenan and his family in this difficult time. Everyone is pulling for you, buddy!
The Universe is filled with limitless possibilities. The future is unknowable. Who will we be, where will we be? But sometimes the planets align in The Universe, and for just one brief moment (or 1:36) we might catch a glimpse of our future selves.
In the video above I've caught a glimpse of who i'll be, and where i'll be. And I dont like it.
2012 cant come soon enough
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Not trying to get up in anyone’s business, but if you are dealing with a situation where you want to disguise your caller ID, disguise your voice, and know whether or not the other person is lying or not, you might be dealing with a situation for which your cellphone is no longer that useful. What kind of person would want this?
“You know what, I’m just going to buy this weird card, disguise my caller ID, make myself sound like the dude in Screamy Movie 4, activate the patented lie detector software, and record my call. That ought to solve everything, in this perfectly routine situation that we all find ourselves in.
At this point, it’s kind of a worn-out to say that you wish that you cared half as much about something in your life as someone in a YouTube video who cares way too much. For one thing, it’s a lie. It aims to paint whoever says it as a miserable husk of a human being while the truth of the matter is that miserable husks of human beings don’t TALK ABOUT IT VERY MUCH.
Monday, November 22, 2010
First thing Monday morning is a perfectly reasonable time to be reminded that we have to get out there and fight for what we want, you guys. Which, apparently, is to be the best at our jobs as salesmen of something. I did not know this, but did you know that we are all in a sales business? I never knew! Always Be Knowing That, you guys. Coffee is for people who knew that. Are you amped? Let’s just get a quick show of hands to see who is and who is not AMPED.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
That’s not where horses go, but there a horse is. Go figure.
OK, so we’re DEFINITELY all just biding our time until the tidal wave comes, not giving a fuck? Every last one of us? Nothing matters. Got it.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Of course all rap music just sounds like just plain noise to me, and I prefer the smooth stylings of Benny Goodman, but even I notice that this music gets worse when foreign people try to do it.
weve seen these faces before. But now a famous face is added. There are a couple of problems with this. For one, Keenan seems to really be phoning it in in the Lip Dept. What’s going on there, Keenan? That shit lines up with the actual words, like, four times throughout. The rest is just “rhubarb rhubarb peas and carrots.” I know how sloppy lipsynching is done. I watch Drag Race! Don’t be an extra in your own movie, Keenan. The second problem is that I think this was made for Chelsea Lately, and while there’s nothing inherently wrong about a television show getting in (late) on a meme, I don’t trust (or particularly like) Chelsea Handler. Her intentions seem questionable to say the least. I don’t know Chelsea Handler personally, but none of the choices she make ever seem particularly fun? They all seem based on some kind of misguided black hole that’s growing deep at the core of her self-loathing.
All of that being said, I REALLY wish Keenan had his own show called Good Morning, Keenan! where he made lip dubs with other pop singers and then showed you how to make a low-cal Thanksgiving costume for your pet before their wedding. We could watch it together every morning, LIKE A FAMILY.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Did you see the photos today of that 30-story high rise in Shanghai that is burning to the ground? Oh my goodness. 42 people have died and more than 90 are injured, and that is, as these things go, only SO FAR. It’s also one of those weird situations where the photos are really stunning and almost beautiful? Don’t get me wrong: actual nightmare IN PROGRESS, but you know what I mean. Did you ever see Terminator 3? At the end of Terminator 3 there is that one scene where Skynet launches, like, ALL the missiles in the world, and you see them soar out over the planet, and it’s really neat looking. There is just something horrifyingly beautiful about the end of things. But make no mistake: things are ending. Constantly. Forever.
So, we might as well find something that makes us happy before they do. For example: tons of fucking sequins