Just What I Needed

People have been talking about how The Web is changing, and how The Internet hasnt been“itself” over the past few months. Well guess what. This dog riding a lawn mower reminds us that the Internet has not forgotten where it came from, or what it is all about. True blue to the end, The Internet. Never change. I know you won’t.
-David

Teachers Just Don't Understand

Teachers, the thoughtful and educated gatekeepers to our childrens’ intellectual future are making silly lip-synch videos to pop songs that haven’t been popular in 20 years and posting them on YouTube in some kind of misguided attempt to prove they are “getting jiggy with you.”
Oh, teachers. Still just a bunch of corny, charming, ridiculous, lovable dorkballs who don’t know anything.

-David

Attention All Nerds

Everyone be yourselves. Express yourself. But not that much.
Nerds! Listen! You need to be more careful! As you nerds get older, there is this weird thing that happens where all of the social anxiety that you had felt for most of your life that forced you deeper and deeper into a non-traditional lifestyle centered around your idiosyncratic interests and hobbies becomes this kind of social confidence in which you proudly express the nerd that you have become.

Now, on the one hand, this is great. It suggests that you nerds have found a certain level of happiness and self-esteem that you were lacking before. You’ve discovered that everyone in the world is doing their best to make it through the day, and while some people wrap themselves in the defensive armor of the status quo, you have opted for the more difficult path, and yet here you are, a proud nerd, still standing tall. Good for you! You are an interesting and complex human being, perhaps more interesting and complex than most, which means that you really are the special snowflake that your mom and math teachers always told you that you were to get you to stop crying.
"I collect magic the gathering cards! I belong to nerd message boards. I am invincible!"

But nerds, it is important for you to recognize, even in this new era of daring and bravery, that if someone is videotaping you karate dancing at a party, they don’t have your best interests at heart. It is still because they think you are a nerd, and they want to tease the nerd. I know it might seem like the videotaping is a compliment coming from people who don’t know how to karate dance because they don’t have the training, but it is not a compliment.
-David

Never Forget Kate Gosselin

The world gets what its wants. Its the law of attraction and its proven science. Due to the demand of the public, the new Twilight moving will come out in June, scientists have invented jeans you can sleep in, and Kate Gosselin is around because people want her to be. People want to know things about her. People want so badly to know more about her that she had to write a book called I Just Want You to Know. People will for sure buy that book, and pay for it using money that they earned at their jobs. What a world.
-David

Aye ! Get With The Program

If you aren't in the loop by now it's likely that you are some kind of fanatical Christian or foreign or something.
Advice With Gina is pretty much the hottest page on Facebook. You can communicate with a web celeb and not even have to buy nothing. She's sort of the most important person in our lives..and it's not because she stuffs our mouth holes with bear claws every chance she gets.

"Advice with Gina is A cornucopia of relevant information." New York Times

"Gina knows my body, and I can't get enough" John the Landlord

"Finally someone who knows what cat's really need.
They need fried chicken from *EXPLETIVE* Vons... cut into little tiny pieces and mixed with Chicken Temptations in a large bowl.
It's called flavor notes, duh Bitch" O ! Magazine

"Gina always knows which Bachelor contestant is the biggest skank and what gas station to go to for the cheapest cigarettes. A true los Angeles insider." LA Weekly

So go ahead get on yer Facespace and get your Gina on. Cause if your not in it to win it. We pretty much don't want to know your ugly face.
Hey, this could be you....

*Sarah