Play Times

Hahahhaha. LOOK AT THAT PUPPY HE WANTS TO PLAY! HE IS JUST TRYING TO ENJOY HIS LIFE IN THE FACE OF AN ABSURD AND IMMOVABLE WILL THAT REFUTES HIM. Aren’t we all.

David

The Greatest Speech Ever Given

OK, team, circle up. Take a knee. We’re going to go out there today and we’re going to show these guys what we’re made of. THIS IS OUR HOUSE! But before we smash their faces into the dirt, I’d like to give the floor over to Tim “Wild Thang” Lepard, who is going to say a few words:

Goats standing on a truck, check.
Superman theme music, check.
Monkeys riding dogs, check.
Answers to questions no one was asking, check.

-David

I know that the training techniques used to create this situation were most likely very unpleasant and that animals are actually living sentient creatures and not just puppets for our amusement, but you have to hand it to these puppets, they are VERY AMUSING!

-David

TV time

No offense to Oprah (none taken, I’m sure) but how on Earth does she have her own television network while Herbie & Jabby are languishing on YouTube? I’m just saying. Blah blah blah, book clubs and fake doctors and one billion dollars. THIS IS WHAT I WANT IN MY EYES 24 HOURS A DAY.

Lets just make sure an adult is around making sure Herbie and Jabby dont get TOO close mkay?

Halloween Baby

News that the apocolypse of 2012 isn't happening was a total bummer. I’m not saying that I want the world to be destroyed in a nightmarish cataclysm of fire and death, but I'm sorry. Once you get your mind set on something it’s hard to switch gears. And it really would have been such a tidy solution to so many problems. Just think: Iraq, Afghanistan, the oil-soaked (still) Gulf coast, the economic crisis, Bristol Palin on Dancing with the Stars, DADT, Al Qaeda, peanut oil on the top of peanut butter that needs to be mixed in but is so hard to mix in without spilling the goddamned oil everywhere, and it stains, the last three episodes of Treme just sitting on the DVR, SO MANY PROBLEMS RESOLVED IN THE BLINK OF AN EYESTEROID. Oh well. Now I guess we just have to dealwithit.gif. Oddly, I’m not sure if the lack of a time constraint makes it more or less important for us each to find our joy in this world. Like, when it was all going poof in two years, it seemed pretty important to find some happiness before The End, but now that we might have to be here for fucking ever, it might actually be even more important because... good grief.

Follow your heart, you guys, wherever it leads you (WITHIN THE RULE OF LAW). Even if that means dressing up your dog as a Na’vi from the movie Avatar. And then also dressing up as a Na’vi yourself? And your dog is, like, a Jake Sully Na’vi, and you are a girl Na’vi, so it’s kind of like you’re boyfriend and girlfriend with your dog in space and have forbidden ponytail Tree of Souls sex that promises you to each other? Yikes. Fair enough! Yay! Happiness! (Could someone please revisit the 2012 math and see if we can’t get back on track?)
-David

Treadmill Babies Thank Gawd Its Friday

Just had the sudden, horrific realization that my life can be summed up in an 18 second YouTube video. Except I am on the treadmill alone. Whatever. TGIF.
via BuzzFeed

-David

PTSD 4 Everyone!

Dear 2012,
I know we agreed December 21st, 2012, was when the world would end, but if you feel like ending sooner, please feel free. Anytime, really. We are all pretty much done here.
Sincerely, People Working As Hard As They Can To Make Sure Everything On Earth Has Effing PTSD

David

Just What I Needed

People have been talking about how The Web is changing, and how The Internet hasnt been“itself” over the past few months. Well guess what. This dog riding a lawn mower reminds us that the Internet has not forgotten where it came from, or what it is all about. True blue to the end, The Internet. Never change. I know you won’t.
-David

Pig Break

Lets take a quick afternoon break at Pigs Peace Sanctuary.
OK. Back to work!
-David

Careful Humping

Hey listen kids, I'm not like other moms, i'm a cool mom okay? If you guys are gonna drink, I want you to do it here, in the house. And if you're gonna hump dogs, use protection okay.

-David

Babies Watchin' Babies

The older you get the more you will realize, we are who we are. There is no changing it. If you're a chronically depressed self sabotaging narcissist, then thats pretty much how you will always be, forever.
If you are a cute Shiba-Inu dog, then you are just a baby, you'll always be cute, forever.
-David

SO MANY YOUTUBES

Oh. My. Friggin. God. You. Guys. Its been six months, about four million Youtubes and a whole lot of hormone shots since I have last seen you guys. How are you guys? I'm good, well you know with my not working and working, feuding and then reconciling, not much has really changed. The web is still full of great videos of trampoline accidents and I still have a lot of free time on my hands. So lets get to it ok?
Though we may live in uncertain times in a cruel world filled with mostly terrible people and await the year 2012 when, inevitably, the earth will be transformed into a dun-colored nightmarish hellscape of inhumanly horrifying post-Apocalyptic tragedy, one thing remains the same- cats and dogs are still at odds. Would you look at this, its Cats and Dogs 2: the Revenge of Kitty Galore.

-David

Go 4 The Gold!

-David

Web Ways

-David

The Cutest Controversy

A controversy is brewing on the web over alligations regarding the picture above. Presented on the web as an endangered 'Fennec Hare' from a North Korean Zoo, it turns out this is an elaborate (not very elaborate) practical joke. OK. YOU GOT ME! But a bunny/kitten would be a cute animal. That got me to thinking, what other cute animals has God forgotten to make? Let me give this a go.
1.) Turtle and wrinkle faced dog, I call this a Puptle
2.) Dashethaund and hamster, is a Wienerster
3.) Bichon and a Cockatoo is a Bichonatoo
Dag. This is harder then it seems. None of the animals are really that cute, most are more like nightmares.
via zooborns.com
-David

Whatcha Gonna Do Wif All Those Humps?

Anyone who has grown up with a dog has inevitably found himself on the wrong end of a dog humping (is there a right end of dog humping, probably not). As a kid I remember our neighbor's dog, Karat a female Golden Retriever with a lazy eye, was always humping the heck out of everything. She had a special stuffed animal frog that she must have made love to no less than one million times. She also caught me a few times, she was suprisingly strong but the key is to fight back and get off the goddamn ground. Whats this lady above doing? Just chillin there as the dog goes crazy all over her backside. I think this Golden Retriever in the video above helps prove once and for all that Goldens are some of the worst mega humpers ever. Even Comet from Full House was known to do this.
-David

Always With The Gay Porn, Seriously

Why is this happening to me? Alls I wanna do is a google image search for poodles- find a funny image and blog about it. I wasn't looking for hardcore gay erotic dog art. Seriously, I wasn't. But here it is, staring me in the face. This stuff finds me! But i'm not complaining. At least I don't have a job anymore, where this kinda stuff would mad embarass me. I am free to browse all the hardcore gay dog erotic art I want. Not that I want, because I don't want.

via robclarke.com (NSFW)

-David

Its In The Computer

Aw, poor dog. He don't understand. Computers can be confusing! But the cat isn't confused, why she's just pleased as punch because cats know how to do computers.

-David

Not In My House, Not Around My Kids

WHAT? Now this? Gay people how are we a people ever gonna get all our civil rights with some gays going and ruining it for the rest of us, putting pictures on the web that show them humping RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEIR TERRIFIED MINIATURE POODLE?!?! Seriously you gross gays, this is a major setback. Thankfully its not just gays who get their gross on right in front of their pets, straights (or normals as they call themselves) have some blame to take on this one too. From what I can see, a couple of people are caught on this site doing it man woman style, with poor innocent babies watching with a mix of emotions that is equal parts fear and confusion. Animals should never see their person (or ANY person) naked. I speak from experience, once Joanna's cat caught me in 'a natural way' and she has never looked at me the same again. :*-(
heavypetting.tumblr.com via buzzfeed.com
-David

Cleanin Up

Its already almost April. There is no buts about it, it is Spring cleaning time! My room is kind of like a time capsule, and each layer of junk is telling a story. Oh here is the CD I borrowed from someone at work, guess he isn't getting that back. Under that are a bunch of ATM receipts from Augest, see its important to keep documents like these. And not far away I found a teeny beanie baby, after checking Ebay I found it has a resale value of $1.50! It is important to keep organized. I am even cleaning up my computer, I suggest you do the same.
-David