Hello DUH!

Hello Duh SARAH! Camouflage only works if you are in the woods or some shit. Everyone can see you.

Sarah was mad pissed I looked at her web history so she resolved to browse the web in secret. Until I caught her!

-David

Style Has No Size

I think it was Marilyn Monroe or some sh!t who said, "if you're gonna show some mad legs, then keep your arms covered, and if youre showing arms and shoulders, cover them legs". Well the same logic applies to big gurls who may try to cover up everything. Dont do it big gurls, dont cover yourselves all up ALL of them curves. Let the menz see some shoulder, or let them see some legs, but dont't go crazy with that, dont give em both at once. This applies to skinny b*tches too, but seriously f#ck skinny bitches anyway.
-David

Gay Games

Well here he is for better or worse (mostly worse.) Sarah's boyfriend she met gaming online.

Sure, sometimes she wishes her boyfriend wouldn’t spend so much time–all of his waking life–playing videogames on-line with his friends, but he’s just a very passionate person, and that is what she loves about him. Besides, his gaming headset kind of looks cute on him. Not as cute as, say, not wearing an gaming headset, but if he’s going to wear a gaming headset, he could look worse. Anyway, Sarah is sure that one day he will turn all the focus and attention and passion and excitement and emotional investment he has for videogames to his relationship with her, and when that day comes, it is just going to be so wonderful. She loves him so much. She can hardly wait.

-David

There She Go

Sarah is the best but everyone has their faults. I mean I would be the first to admit that Sarah has a bit of a temper. You know that, of course you know that. If she can’t have her way, if, for example,the lady at a McDonald’s drive-thru window tells her that she can’t order chicken McNuggets because it’s 6:30 in the morning and they are not serving chicken McNuggets yet, sure, she’ll get out of the car and start trying to crack some skullz. No doubt about it. But that’s just her passion coming to the surface. She is a woman filled with passion. And covered in pink jersey cotton. I love her so much.

-David

Halloween Hot Tip

I'm not saying that I am a Halloween expert or nothing. But.... i sort of am.
Anyway it's never to early to start getting your costume ready for the most important holiday of the year. Or at the very least set a few dollars aside from your job at the tanning salon for the purchase of your whuuore costume. It's called planning for the future.....Because October will be here before you ho it. You'll for sure want the best sparkle bra in a bag money can buy.

As far as the rest of us beasts with personalities go. Don't you fret ladies. I've got a hot tip on a trend for Halloween 2010.
Because of the finale and all. Lost themed costumes are going to be uber hot this year....especially for the plus size gal.
There you have it large and lovelies. Get your khaki on.

You could even dress up as Oceanic flight 815. Did someone say sexy airplane wreckage?


*Sarah

Bad Breath

At first I was thinking what the heck is this wackadoo going on about. Then I saw Mike Read in them blue shorts, and now I get it.

-David

Rue Go Girl

I don't know which local theater troop this masterpiece belongs to... or what the hell it is.

I just think it's the beez knees....a captivating photoshop.
Keep on truckin Rue&Crew.



*Sarah

UPDATE; It's some sort of mini series about old ladies and gays... and also some other people doing things.
Sordid Lives

Springtime for Hitler

Great news everyone ! Springtime has arrived...Violently awaking Mother Nature by method of shaking and slapping.

And just like last year and the year before.............. She's super mad pissed at Sarah B. Lund.
An ensemble of diva demon hormones are wreaking mass havoc.
Welcome back Melasma/Chloasma ! Imaculate mask of pregnancy FTW !
Good thing I hang around CVS often. Dr. Varon's skin bleaching system promises to solve all of my crayola mustache face problems.
Lady Troubles......Reality Whooooot !



*Sarah

Juggalos walk (or more like sleep and watch TV) among us.
-David

Have you seen my childhood?

Uh I didn't know if you guyses knew this but Captain EO is back and i'm losing my shite.
Disneyland did not know what the hell they were doing when they savagely destroyed The Magic Eye theater along with the most dazzling 3-d attraction ever made. I grew up in that mother f*kr. I thought i would never get those days back again... jamming Easter egg glitter on my eyeballs with Angie while ridding the monorail into the park. A ritual preparation for the extravaganza of the senses that is EO.
I will die if I don't go to Disneyland soon.
Seriously i'll kill myself.
Seriously
I'll put on my whip warrior costume and hang myself while simultaneously choking on sour cherry balls. Similar to what Carradine did but with a Disney twist.
Depression hurts. Captain EO can help.

Next will be a petition to bring back the Soap Box Racers and Whirlpool at Knott's Berry Farm. That's if the whole suicide thing falls through.





*Sarah

The Never Ending Story

Sometimes it's all just too much ...haha what's the point to any of this life? Why are some peoples brains not right ? What's in Chef Boyardee meatballs?

Luckily Harmony put this on my facespace today. Like a melodic band-aid.
Feel free to put this sanitary pep pep on your cuts and scrapes today. It will protect your soul against infection. TEMPORARILY that is.
It will probably come off in the shower later so tomorrow you are back to being in your own lonesome hell bubble. And chances are that hell bubble will still get repeatedly infiltrated by people you don't know who will proceed ruin you.



*Sarah

Spider Man Returnz

After surviving for two weeks on only mustard and Wetzel's Pretzels from the mall, YOU KNOW WHO, is finally squeezed back in her spider suit and is feeling more sensual then ever. Good for you girl, we should all be so lucky to find something in this world that makes us happy

-David

Babies Watchin' Babies

The older you get the more you will realize, we are who we are. There is no changing it. If you're a chronically depressed self sabotaging narcissist, then thats pretty much how you will always be, forever.
If you are a cute Shiba-Inu dog, then you are just a baby, you'll always be cute, forever.
-David

A Valentine's Day treat for you

There is no greater gift you can give than to instill a sense of self worth, pride and value into the hearts of the selfish ass people you care about.
So in honor of valentines day I'm going to leave my webcam on for the entire evening. Watch it with your most recent partner. Laugh whole heartedly at my expense.. Then have some boring passionless sex with that person. Celebrate how convenient, non threatening and accommodating that person is..and how well their desperate heart compliments your self serving lifestyle.
Because really if there is anyone who deserves to reap the benefits of cowardice and mediocrity.. It's YOU.



Happy Valentines Day !
Love, Sarah

P.S text me

Go ahead...say It to my face.

I have been getting allot of Sh*t lately from people saying that i have been posting too mad much on Facebook. And to those people I say "suck my butt !!!" I am an expert on things that are not fair and you know what. THAT'S NOT FAIR !!!!!
How dare anyone judge my web activity? Last time I checked the web is a place where all types of people and animals and transgendered folks can do whatever they want whenever they want to..with the exception of posting child pornography and selling soiled panties on ebay. (not fair)
So what? everyone is too busy and important and boring to be active on Facebook? I have things i need to say and stuff i need to share for your enjoyment. That's right. Always thinking of how i can entertain you norms while keeping a safe distance hidden away inside my cave of loneliness.
Yeah ok maybe i do have other things to do and plans for my life. Maybe those plans prolly won't happen no matter what. The Dude is not going to transform into a giant lumberjack and take me away to the land of roaring beer rapids and baby back rib shacks. There is no town of giants where i would be a petite delicate flower and everyone would text me in the same way that normal size people get texts. A world where maybe I might even get asked out on a real life date.
Yeah right that ain't gunna happen. So what the heck do you expect me to do?

Allz i'm saying is unless you want me calling and texting you in an attempt to have an IRL relationship ..meaning you would have to be seen with me in public and possibly even talk to me on the phone...... like three times a year at least...then just shut your hole.
Clearly no body wants that.
Just let me gab publicly on facebook with my few web friends who get me. gawd freakin jeesh
STOP HATING HATERS.


*Sarah

Medical Breakthrough

Millions of dollars critical to research fighting Cancer and AIDS have been diverted, precious resources rerouted as medical science unanimously put all else on hold, and committed itself entirely to build a living Avatar for 22 year old Long Beach resident and future childless cat hoarder, Sarah B. Lund. Modeled on the brainchild of James Cameron, a multinational team of scientists and bio engineers have worked tirelessly to bring this compelling concept shown in the film, to a living breathing reality, the fusion of Human and Navi DNA.
The bad news is the Avatar is still plus sized and there is nothing they could do about that.
-David

Sisterhood of the Travelling Spanx

It's hard out there! I know it's hard out there. You just have to keep your head down, and do whatever it takes to get through the day. For some people that means unwinding after a day at the office with a nice ice cold Diet Coke and an episode of HOARDERS. ("I'm just so excited to find out if they are able to let someone clean their house, oh good they were able to!") For some people it's taking a pottery class at the local community center, or swing dance lessons with a teacher found on craigslist who smells like alcohol and plastic. It's like Lil' Kim said before she went to prison for lying under oath: Do what you like! (Except lie under oath, that's perjury and you will go to jail for that.)
This is America!
And OK, maybe you and a couple friends want to dress up and express yourselves in a terrifying caricature of femininity. Maybe you guys happen to sew your own costumes and lip-sync to a CD of Dreamgirls, Music From the Motion Picture. Maybe one of you guys (Sarah) is having a hard time matching her heavy coverage foundation to the skin color on her body, so what, who cares. It's the right of everyone to express herself, do you.
-TRANSformation via dragulator.com
-David

It's Called Fashion

I'm sure everyone is familiar with the three wolf moon shirt. Its pretty much an icon, known as much for it's sweet mystical powers as it's glowing reviews on amazon.com. People say 'if it ain't broke don't fix it', to hell with that, as you can see i'm fixing it. No big whoop, it's fashion design, and it is so easy for me.
-David

Sex Can Wait

I want to speak directly to the young women out there who aren't afraid to find their own voices and make a difference in this world, where you at my peeps? Yo, you dogs, let me lay down some wisdom for you. Being a virgin is no big whoop. FACT: we are ALL born virgins and plenty of people remain virgins their whole entire lives, so what, who cares, nobody! Being a virgin can even be an asset. Yes its true, put your razr scooter down, take off your walkman headphones and let me tell you about Sarah Jane Newberry. Pictured above right she is a kewl lady from England who has never had sex ever, never in her whole life, even counting anal. Its not like she hasn't had the option, she had boyfriends (check the ex-boyfriend section of the site). But she's chosen not to let anybody put it in her and for her it's worked out well. Look she has a website of her own and everything!
-David