Watch It

I think Watermelons must be mad addictive or some shit. This one time Joanna's Grandma Mary Z ate a whole entire one at once, and she had to go to the hospital. Eventually the baby will be doing like the guy below, its only a matter of time.

-David

And Club And Club

Look whos on the scene. Theres a new boyfriend for Joan- he meets all requirements.
1) loves to club
2) is a DJ, can get her into kewl clubs
3) has eccentric hair style
4) not "conventionally" attractive
5) old
Just kidding, no seriously, JK

-David

Go Go Jo

I’m not sure what attracted me to Rick first, whether it was the complete lack of self-awareness, the embodiment of a grotesque 1970s-era sexuality, or the damp slick of death that slid from his pores, but I am definitely very attracted to him, love him, have sex with him, want to marry him, share all my secrets with him, and just wish I could live inside him forever.”
– Joan Skumanich 1974-2012

Dance Party U.S.A.

The weather has been so nice lately, it kinda makes a lady wanna hit the clubs and just dance.

Joanna

Secret Lover

Remember that guy you met at Teddy's two summers ago? The one you went out with for about three weeks, but never wanted to introduce him to any of your friends? Yeah he was kinda gross, but the boning was real hot.

Here's my top five celeb secret lover wishlist:

ZACH GALIFIANAKIS

It's no secret that Zach is my number one celebrity crush. Besides being talented, he's the perfect cuddling size and fuzzy like a little animal. Zach! if you're reading this, CALL ME!! XOXO

Let's make this happen.

DANNY McBRIDE

Maybe I should move to NC, cause it seems like that state is droppin hotties like crazah.

NICK OFFERMAN

This one guy from Parks and Recreations. Oh the things I would do with that stache.

ALEC BALDWINWhat is it with him? The fatter Alec gets, the sexier he is, or maybe he just developed a personality by the pound. I'll take the fatty Alec any day! Also, I like the way he rocks back and forth on the edge of his chair, trying to gain momentum, it reminds me of my grandma.

JEFF GOLDBLUM

I didn't want you guys to think that I only go for fat hairy bears, I like the skinny weird ones too. JB's the kinda of guy you're really into until he lets his fetish get out of control. Plus, we would have weird looking babies.

-Joanna

House Pants

You know a lady really needs to relax after a hard day at work. I think this guy has been watching me and knows my sweatpants secrets.

Joanna

Sisterhood of the Travelling Spanx

It's hard out there! I know it's hard out there. You just have to keep your head down, and do whatever it takes to get through the day. For some people that means unwinding after a day at the office with a nice ice cold Diet Coke and an episode of HOARDERS. ("I'm just so excited to find out if they are able to let someone clean their house, oh good they were able to!") For some people it's taking a pottery class at the local community center, or swing dance lessons with a teacher found on craigslist who smells like alcohol and plastic. It's like Lil' Kim said before she went to prison for lying under oath: Do what you like! (Except lie under oath, that's perjury and you will go to jail for that.)
This is America!
And OK, maybe you and a couple friends want to dress up and express yourselves in a terrifying caricature of femininity. Maybe you guys happen to sew your own costumes and lip-sync to a CD of Dreamgirls, Music From the Motion Picture. Maybe one of you guys (Sarah) is having a hard time matching her heavy coverage foundation to the skin color on her body, so what, who cares. It's the right of everyone to express herself, do you.
-TRANSformation via dragulator.com
-David

Internet Rules

Has anyone ever heard of the website (NSFW) http://guyswithiphones.com/? Its just a bunch of guys taking self pictures with their iphones. How is this even a thing? It just goes to show you that for anything you can imagine, there exists an Internet community who fetishizes about that thing, and is that is ALL ABOUT that one thing. They masturbate thinking about that thing like it is their job.
Maybe it is gross and bizarre, but it is a cold and unforgiving world out there, so who are we to judge? We all live in glass houses, although clearly some of our glass is cleaner and more in touch with reality than others'. Anyway, congrats to the fetish communities out there, you have the web and you can get whatever kinda wierd crap you guys want. You can find it here, here, here and here...and here. And here.
-David
via http://hotchickswithfistsintheirmouths.com/

Price Is Right Hella

Yea we went on The Price Is Right. Don't be jealous. We ended up going in with a group of housewives from Texas. One of our new friends named Judy totally threw it down and won pretty much everything. We're talking a ski boat and a car..even one of those giant high heel shoe chairs that drag queens love. It was da bomb ya'll. Especially the part when Drew Carry talked about cocaine. Oh and the jumping up and down next to some scuba gear part.

Yep sometimes you just have to go on game shows. This is gd America.

*Sarah

We did it (again)

Check out our superior Halloween Costumes. Sorry all y'all lady Gaga's. Maybe next year.
Consider trying a little bit harder.

*Sarah

Fatastic !!!!!

Is an explanation really necessary?

*Sarah

Amber Alert

It has been almost two month's since we have had contact with our darling firstborn David.

David was upset over the death of his idol and we now assume he has turned to the streets. We have been contacting all of the teen shelters throughout New York state with no luck. David if you are reading this please call us. Your mom's are worried about you. Joanne has taken our meager Oh hai Vintage profits to the race track and I've been hitting the juice. Hard. The family is falling apart.

David was last seen 7/23 at the Duane Reade on W 20th shop lifting 5 bags of jerky and a 6 pack of miller light. The stores security camera shows him wearing a black denim Fubu brand two piece with a gold embroidered bulldog on the back of the jacket.

Please contact us or the New York City Police if you see our baby. Do not try to approach David.
Missing Persons Description
6'2"
athletic build
fair complexion
dark hair
brown eyes
lower back tattoo of a dark skinned pixie sitting on a yin yang.

We appreciate your help in this time of distress.
Thank You,
Sarah & Joanna

Duo's II

I was looking to do Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo from Super Mario Bros. the movie. But there was nothing but crappy no good screen cap pictures on the web. So i just went for generic couple style.


*Sarah

GROSS!

I was hanging out with my good friend, Fancy, and her boyfriend, Thomas, the other day. And all they did was makeout the entire time. Seriously you guys, I'm sitting right next to you. As Stephanie Tanner would say:"HOW RUDE!"

Web TV Freak Out Freak Zone

Whoops we went on web TV. Yup Fashion Designer, Sara Lund and someone else went balls out and showed our faces on the web to the max extreme. Amanda and Maria have a show called Late Night lemonade on thestream.tv...so we figured why not? It was pretty fun. No regrets.
You have to realize it was a first for JoJo and myself. So please forgive us for jibba jabbin and fidgeting around like nervous teens. We must say Amanda and Maria looked mad hot in our Oh Hai Fashions. Therefor we consider the show to be a complete success.
They looked so freaking good you could pretty much watch this with the volume off.

Late Night Lemonade - Fashion

Watch This Episode on http://www.thestream.tv/watch.php?v=1573


Well Did it pay off? Hellz yes We had a whopping 3% raise in blog hits. Wowza ! And like 2 people had stuff to say about it. Smello ? It was our first time on live cam so please forgive our nervous hands and awkwardness. Come on guys It's hard to do a web show without the king of pop.
Sigh I had always assumed everyone enjoys our charming nonsense but now i realize we are probably living a lie.

Special thanks to our friends Lynn Shawcroft and Zack Kahn for dominating the IM ! Yous guyz ruled. And thanks again To Maria Blasucci and Amanda Faye Lund for having us !

UNICORN MEMAW

I recently celebrated my surrogate Memaw's 90th bday, and it occurred to me that I have never google image searched 'Memaw." Are you joking me? How is that possible? Well, I got down on it last night and after like the 25th page, I came across this Memaw that grew a mad long horn on her head. The craziest part is that this 69 year old Memaw noticed it growing 20 years ago! I guess at some point we all just have to accept our flaws and say to hell with it all.

GAYMERS

Well David, I guess it's over. You're too busy being an ultimate gaymer and don't care about the blog no more. You know what? Yar Fired! Just joking, but seriously the web misses your sensual touch.

Love,
Corporate

Oh hai Vintage does Youtube

First mega mix original oh hai vintage youtube video. Are you impressed ? I didn't think so.
Ren fair in the hizouse.

A Famous Duo

Joanna and myself have been compared to several infamous duo's through out our fun and exiting past. For example some say we are similar to entertainers such as Pen & Teller. Cheech and Chong..Oh also..political figures ....i.e Princess Buttercup and that old hag that neged her.
I feel as though out of those couples we are most like Pen & Teller because we love Vegas first off. and also the comedy, the magic..the hooters chicken wings and the 90's fashion.
Hey Penn.. Yea boyee. i still wear mine long in the back. don't hate.

*Sarah

Who's Mama's Big Boy ?

It is your special day and we are so proud of you !
Today you are allowed as maney McDonald's chicken nugget happy meals as you want. And Meemaw said she will pick up some chester paw cheese puff cheetos for your party.

We love you and can't wait until the day you become America's Next Top Blogger !

Love, Sarah & Joanna