The Universe is filled with limitless possibilities. The future is unknowable. Who will we be, where will we be? But sometimes the planets align in The Universe, and for just one brief moment (or 1:36) we might catch a glimpse of our future selves.

In the video above I've caught a glimpse of who i'll be, and where i'll be. And I dont like it.

2012 cant come soon enough

Halloween Hot Tip

I'm not saying that I am a Halloween expert or nothing. But.... i sort of am.
Anyway it's never to early to start getting your costume ready for the most important holiday of the year. Or at the very least set a few dollars aside from your job at the tanning salon for the purchase of your whuuore costume. It's called planning for the future.....Because October will be here before you ho it. You'll for sure want the best sparkle bra in a bag money can buy.

As far as the rest of us beasts with personalities go. Don't you fret ladies. I've got a hot tip on a trend for Halloween 2010.
Because of the finale and all. Lost themed costumes are going to be uber hot this year....especially for the plus size gal.
There you have it large and lovelies. Get your khaki on.

You could even dress up as Oceanic flight 815. Did someone say sexy airplane wreckage?


*Sarah

Secret Lover

Remember that guy you met at Teddy's two summers ago? The one you went out with for about three weeks, but never wanted to introduce him to any of your friends? Yeah he was kinda gross, but the boning was real hot.

Here's my top five celeb secret lover wishlist:

ZACH GALIFIANAKIS

It's no secret that Zach is my number one celebrity crush. Besides being talented, he's the perfect cuddling size and fuzzy like a little animal. Zach! if you're reading this, CALL ME!! XOXO

Let's make this happen.

DANNY McBRIDE

Maybe I should move to NC, cause it seems like that state is droppin hotties like crazah.

NICK OFFERMAN

This one guy from Parks and Recreations. Oh the things I would do with that stache.

ALEC BALDWINWhat is it with him? The fatter Alec gets, the sexier he is, or maybe he just developed a personality by the pound. I'll take the fatty Alec any day! Also, I like the way he rocks back and forth on the edge of his chair, trying to gain momentum, it reminds me of my grandma.

JEFF GOLDBLUM

I didn't want you guys to think that I only go for fat hairy bears, I like the skinny weird ones too. JB's the kinda of guy you're really into until he lets his fetish get out of control. Plus, we would have weird looking babies.

-Joanna

Cute is 0 Calories

The hardest friggin part about a diet is what the eff are you supposed to eat when you are relaxing?! I understand, a shake for breakfast a shake for lunch and a sensible dinner- but what about in between? What are you supposed to do then? Put down your Combos and Bugles, get you some grapes or some fruit. I think those little mothers are 0 Weight Watcher's Points. Eat and many of them shits as you want! And I think wine is also allowed since it is pretty much just grapes. Eat all the wine and grapes you want. Also remember to treat yourself to a nerve pill now and then, also 0 Points.

-David

Go ahead...say It to my face.

I have been getting allot of Sh*t lately from people saying that i have been posting too mad much on Facebook. And to those people I say "suck my butt !!!" I am an expert on things that are not fair and you know what. THAT'S NOT FAIR !!!!!
How dare anyone judge my web activity? Last time I checked the web is a place where all types of people and animals and transgendered folks can do whatever they want whenever they want to..with the exception of posting child pornography and selling soiled panties on ebay. (not fair)
So what? everyone is too busy and important and boring to be active on Facebook? I have things i need to say and stuff i need to share for your enjoyment. That's right. Always thinking of how i can entertain you norms while keeping a safe distance hidden away inside my cave of loneliness.
Yeah ok maybe i do have other things to do and plans for my life. Maybe those plans prolly won't happen no matter what. The Dude is not going to transform into a giant lumberjack and take me away to the land of roaring beer rapids and baby back rib shacks. There is no town of giants where i would be a petite delicate flower and everyone would text me in the same way that normal size people get texts. A world where maybe I might even get asked out on a real life date.
Yeah right that ain't gunna happen. So what the heck do you expect me to do?

Allz i'm saying is unless you want me calling and texting you in an attempt to have an IRL relationship ..meaning you would have to be seen with me in public and possibly even talk to me on the phone...... like three times a year at least...then just shut your hole.
Clearly no body wants that.
Just let me gab publicly on facebook with my few web friends who get me. gawd freakin jeesh
STOP HATING HATERS.


*Sarah

Leave Joy Alone!

I never gave a crap about all that stuff with Conan and Jay Leno. What does any of it have to do with me? So what? Who cares?!

Now there is a new feud thats grabbing America's attention, and involved is day time diva Joy Behar and champion hot dog eater (her secret is dunking them in water) Kirstie Alley. I don't know exactily how this feud started, and I can't be bothered to look into it, I'm not a journalist, this is a blog. What I do know is Kirstie Alley has lost her mind and is writing crazy tweets!

"CHEATING is between a husband and wife. Not TMZ and Joy Bewhore...God, I want to bash her in the vagina with her microphone."- Kirstie Alley

I've watched enough Jenny Jones to know cheating is between more then a husband and a wife, there is usually a mistress or misteress it can be two women, two men, and nobody has to be married for one of the people to cheat. It will still count. Kirstie Alley if you read this webblog let me tell you what, maybe your blood sugar is low, I know what that is like, but lady you need to get audited because you are mad full of thetans saying all those kinda curses and you are making no sense.

-David

Baby Daddy, Just a Baby!

You guys it looks like Sarah's Pops has some competition for the 'WORLD'S BEST DAD!' title. How cute right? SO CUTE! I'm gonna get those cheeks. Leeme get those cheeks I'm gonna eat those cheeks. But also scary right? What are those background dancers doing? They shouldn't be doing that. I think I have to go to jail for watching that part. And what the? It gets scary when MINI DADDY starts pointing his finger and making a mean face. Is that supposed to be a gun? That part is scary. Is that racist of me to say? I have so many feelings. Does anyone out there know what he is rapping about? I'm guessing its something about childhood diabeetus?

After doing some more research and cementing my future in jail, I found that apparently this is a cultural thing I didn't understand. Lots of times husky precocious foreign boys rap with overtly sexualized pre-pubescent girls Zanger Bob

-David

Fatastic !!!!!

Is an explanation really necessary?

*Sarah

This isn't aquard

Sorry ladies. Not so much. Good job on the matching shirts though.
You should have had a pizza party instead.




*Sarah