I Do What I Do!

I'm glad that worked out for you. Sorry you have shoulders like a man.
-David

Leave Joy Alone!

I never gave a crap about all that stuff with Conan and Jay Leno. What does any of it have to do with me? So what? Who cares?!

Now there is a new feud thats grabbing America's attention, and involved is day time diva Joy Behar and champion hot dog eater (her secret is dunking them in water) Kirstie Alley. I don't know exactily how this feud started, and I can't be bothered to look into it, I'm not a journalist, this is a blog. What I do know is Kirstie Alley has lost her mind and is writing crazy tweets!

"CHEATING is between a husband and wife. Not TMZ and Joy Bewhore...God, I want to bash her in the vagina with her microphone."- Kirstie Alley

I've watched enough Jenny Jones to know cheating is between more then a husband and a wife, there is usually a mistress or misteress it can be two women, two men, and nobody has to be married for one of the people to cheat. It will still count. Kirstie Alley if you read this webblog let me tell you what, maybe your blood sugar is low, I know what that is like, but lady you need to get audited because you are mad full of thetans saying all those kinda curses and you are making no sense.

-David

We Love Halloween!

Since I have been 'working from home' I have had a chance to catch up on my Maury. Whats going on here? All it is paternity tests! I remember the glory days of Maury, the holy trinity of Sylvia Brown, Man or Woman?!?! and Maury Help! I'm Housebound and Morbidly Obese episodes.
I have been all up on YouTube trying to show you guys what I mean. Let me explain Maury’s “MAN OR WOMAN?!?!” episodes! Those are the ones where Maury brings out a bunch of male-to-female transsexuals and a bunch of slightly masculine biological women, and the audience would shout things like, “DAS A MAN!!! LOOK AT DAT!!! DAS A MAAAAAN!!! And wave their arms wildly to point out evidence to the Maury Sexuality court such as: LOOK AT DAT ADAM’S APPLE!!!!! MAAAAAN! CHICK WITH A DIIIIIIICK! DAS A MAAAAN!”
Unfortunately this is the best quality "MAN OR WOMAN?!?!" episode I could find. This one aired on Halloween, because gender identity is scary
-David

Jenny Jones II

Look who is now obsessed on the Jenny Jones tip. Me. I am. Why I have I been WASTING my life away, why did I not look up Jenny Jones on YouTube years ago!?! I owe myself a big apoligy. And know what, I forgive myself.
These ~GeEk 2 ChIc~ episodes basically got me through the worst years of high school (all four of them were the worst years). I would sit back and watch these former geeky highschoolers with low self-esteem flaunt the fact that they grew up to be ugly strippers with low self-esteem, and I would feel empowered. I am wack, and I need meds.
-David

Jenny Jones

Look what I've been missing on the web: the Jenny Jones Blog. For those that don't know, Jenny Jones hosted a talk show in the 90s. Her real claim to fame was a 'Secret Crushes' episode where a guy found out another guy had a crush on him. This guy was suprised, he was straight and so pissed about the whole thing that he killed that other guy who had a crush on him. That pretty much put an end to the Jenny Jones show. But Jenny is still alive, and shes spilling all her personal beans on her blog, bless her soul. I hope she finds a way to make peace with her mother.

via Jennyjones.com

-David

Late Night Monkey

Leave it to the Japanese to make the sweetest talk show ever. Its hosted by monkeys, how can it not be the best? The thing about monkeys is that they are direct. If you give them a cigarette, they smoke it. Give them a talk show, they grab boobs. Its to the point, and I can appreciate that.

-David