The Worst Day

The only thing this tattoo needs is 'BLACK EYED PEAS 10' and its oficially the worst thing ever.

Tattoos Are Forever

Hey guys, I just wanted to give everyone a quick, friendly reminder about tattoos: they are forever. Yeah. I know that in our hectic modern world of SEXTING and Razr Scooters that it can be pretty hard to remember everything, and maybe some of you forgot that when you get a tattoo on your body, it is there until your are dead and all of the flesh rots away from your bones and rejoins Mother Gaia. So, say for example, that you wanted to get a gigantic tattoo on your forearm of Antoine Dodson, the subject of a popular Internet meme of the summer of 2010 with absolutely no sustainability: please just keep in mind when you are thinking of doing this that the tattoo of Antoine Dodson is going to be on your body for the rest of your life, long after anyone remembers who Antoine Dodson is, perhaps even long after you remember who Antoine Dodson is, if you happen to succumb to the increasingly pervasive disease of Alzheimer’s. Even if you somehow mange to survive 2012, you’ll be left to float along the water-soaked wastes of humanity’s wreckage with a giant tattoo of Antoine Dodson on your forearm.
In this scenario, one would assume that you would have more pressing concerns than the regretful tattoo decisions you made in a life and world that no longer exist, and yet one can still imagine you huddled on your makeshift raft, staring out with blistered eyes over an endless ocean of solitary horror, glancing down at your own reflection in the abyss of your inevitable doom, and catching a glimpse of your fucking Antoine Dodson tattoo and just being like, “eff.” Just something to think about before you make up your mind!
(Image via BuzzFeed.)

-David

Bad Choices

“The real problem with tattoos is that they’re not permanent ENOUGH. Sure, I will have this on my body for the rest of my life, and obviously that’s great news, but what about after I die? What if I get to heaven and I’m trapped in some stupid, unblemished, perfect form of my body, without any awesome, clever tattoos that are just so funny and so clever and just such a smart thing to put on my body forever and representative of the best decision I ever made, definitely? Or even worse: what if I just become pure energy? Because, if heaven really is this awesome place where all you do is ride roller coasters with your dead pets and eat ice cream with Michael Jackson, then surely there must be some kind of tattoo parlor up there, right? I mean, if heaven is where you get to enjoy all your favorite things, and since my favorite thing is coming up with awesome tattoo ideas and then making those tattoo ideas a reality to the point where my friends are like “You are so good at coming with great tattoos and if we were you we would just quit our jobs and stay at home all day looking at our awesome tattoo and feeling good about our priorities in life and our decision making skills,” then surely there’s a tattoo parlor made out of clouds where you can get tattoos in eternal ink. That will be awesome. But if we’re just pure energy at one with the Universe and I can’t have this Britney Spears tattoo, which is just the best thing, a FACT on which we all agree, I’m sure, then I’m going to super bummed FOREVER.”

-David

Attention All Nerds

Everyone be yourselves. Express yourself. But not that much.
Nerds! Listen! You need to be more careful! As you nerds get older, there is this weird thing that happens where all of the social anxiety that you had felt for most of your life that forced you deeper and deeper into a non-traditional lifestyle centered around your idiosyncratic interests and hobbies becomes this kind of social confidence in which you proudly express the nerd that you have become.

Now, on the one hand, this is great. It suggests that you nerds have found a certain level of happiness and self-esteem that you were lacking before. You’ve discovered that everyone in the world is doing their best to make it through the day, and while some people wrap themselves in the defensive armor of the status quo, you have opted for the more difficult path, and yet here you are, a proud nerd, still standing tall. Good for you! You are an interesting and complex human being, perhaps more interesting and complex than most, which means that you really are the special snowflake that your mom and math teachers always told you that you were to get you to stop crying.
"I collect magic the gathering cards! I belong to nerd message boards. I am invincible!"

But nerds, it is important for you to recognize, even in this new era of daring and bravery, that if someone is videotaping you karate dancing at a party, they don’t have your best interests at heart. It is still because they think you are a nerd, and they want to tease the nerd. I know it might seem like the videotaping is a compliment coming from people who don’t know how to karate dance because they don’t have the training, but it is not a compliment.
-David

The End is Nigh

CopperCab's prophecy has come true.

-David

Careful Humping

Hey listen kids, I'm not like other moms, i'm a cool mom okay? If you guys are gonna drink, I want you to do it here, in the house. And if you're gonna hump dogs, use protection okay.

-David

So last time he checked in with us, Ginger kid told us he was not a joke. Now, he is showing us he is not a joke because HE IS WEARING A BLAZER! And there is a necky underneath. I cannot argue with this.
In the case of People v. Gingers, Gingers is not guilty on all counts due to a nice outfit. Gingers are free to go and to have souls and whatever.
-David

There Are No Words

You need to understand that our comedian here is what you call a physical comedian. He expresses himself with his physicality in the tradition of Chris Farley and Jim Carey. His body is his instrument, as integral to his act as the hilarious and relateable stories he tells. It is only natural that he, as any artist, would work to push his art further, and test his (and our boundaries. Sometimes that can mean nudity, so get ready for it.
Very interesting stuff is going on here, and I don't understand it. When I said I would watch all the parts of his comedy act (so far 63) I didn't realize it would be so emotionally exhausting.
-David

"Hi Guys"- that one Comedian

Where has the time gone? Look at this I turn around not even 2 weeks later and he is already doing part 52 of his comedy series? I have no problem with that. I will watch all the parts. As he humps the air and goes on about the experience of buying lube, I stop hearing what he is saying and slip into a trance, like Raven from TV's That's So Raven.
Also, I should say LOL.
His nipples are rock hard the whole entire time.
-David

"You Know What!!"- Ginger

Is this getting old? No, it isn't. Our Ginger buddy is still on top of his YouTube game. He's brought some entirely new elements to the table in his latest video YOU KNOW WHAT. Lets consider what he is doing here.
1) Hes now in a new location, change is neat! Not sure where he is, but I will say that fence casts a lovely cross hatching shadow across his basketball shaped face. I'm guessing he isn't far from the original location because you can hear his yelling once again upset the neighbors dog.
2) Hes got a new exclamatory sound effect! I will describe it as a mix of a rasberry you would blow on the belly of a cat, and the sound a horse makes when anxious. He is still yelling, he didn't quit that. But this new sound fits nicely into the mix.
3) Almost crying. Hes done this in earlier videos, but now he is really dialing it in. Almost crying is a critical skill as a teen nerd guy. It allows you to express sincerity while staying on the right side of the crying fag line. Thats a line you dont want to cross.
4.) So many feelings! Besides the almost crying there is more emotions going on here then ever before. I feel like I just rode a roller coaster of emotion, and I had my hands up the whole entire time! RAGE turns to sadness, then an earnest plea, vulnerability and humility, then more RAGE AND ACRIMONY! If saying 'that deserves an Oscar' weren't such a tired cliche, that is exactily would I would say. When will YouTube get its own award show? I hope before 2012.

So in conclusion, unlike American Pie IV, this is just as good as ever, good material, compelling presentation-its really what great YouTubes are all about. Still he hasn't yet presented any evidence Gingers really do have souls, but I'm guessing he is saving that for later.
-David

Leave Joy Alone!

I never gave a crap about all that stuff with Conan and Jay Leno. What does any of it have to do with me? So what? Who cares?!

Now there is a new feud thats grabbing America's attention, and involved is day time diva Joy Behar and champion hot dog eater (her secret is dunking them in water) Kirstie Alley. I don't know exactily how this feud started, and I can't be bothered to look into it, I'm not a journalist, this is a blog. What I do know is Kirstie Alley has lost her mind and is writing crazy tweets!

"CHEATING is between a husband and wife. Not TMZ and Joy Bewhore...God, I want to bash her in the vagina with her microphone."- Kirstie Alley

I've watched enough Jenny Jones to know cheating is between more then a husband and a wife, there is usually a mistress or misteress it can be two women, two men, and nobody has to be married for one of the people to cheat. It will still count. Kirstie Alley if you read this webblog let me tell you what, maybe your blood sugar is low, I know what that is like, but lady you need to get audited because you are mad full of thetans saying all those kinda curses and you are making no sense.

-David

Sadder, Funnier and Realer

Fresh from the driveway between the neighbor's house and his own, Ginger is back, and now he has legal reasonings for things. Man, he has a lot to say here. But let me just go ahead a summarize it for you guys. The bottom line is basically this: "So, you can't tell me nothing, I do what I want. Everybody shut up."

At the risk of being a hater I have to say the fact that his beady eyes remain unblinking throught all of his videos is not helping his argument that have souls.

-David

Please Trust Me, You Guys

This is a long video you guys, but you'll need to watch all of it. Theres something to be learned here. Life isn't getting any easier, things are only getting worse, then, in 2012, it's gonna all be over. If the recent events in Haiti have taught us anything, it is that we should all be a lot more grateful for what we have. The line between comfort and civilization and anarchy and death is razor thin, and it would not take much for life as we know it to be altered terribly and irreparably. We live forever on the brink of an awful nightmare, there is no other way to live. But while we're here, while we are comfortable on our decks and we are wearing our shorts, let's take advantage of it! Like this guy is doing! We should all be so lucky as to carve out a little tiny patch of happiness from the miserable rubble of the world we live in. Even if the only way to carve that patch is by standing out on our deck in khaki shorts and giving a manic, incomprehensible, six minute rant and calling it comedy. On a side note, Lynn what will it take to get this guy a set at The Comedy Store? Seriously let's make that happen.

For MLK Day

Sometimes you come across things on the web that can be very confusing in a lot of different ways. Like, if I had to judge this clip and had a triangular graphic equalizer with sides labled FUNNY, SAD, REAL, then I would probably mark X in the center of the triangle with a ;-( face next to it. So many emotions! And though it has been about 33 years since I was last legally allowed in a highschool I know that public addressing of teen haters will not help this Ginger's cause. Stop now! I know this is a Blog about fashion and finding the kewlest jeans, but let me address this kid directly and offer a few words of advice. Ginger: Shut your G.D. mouth. Get off Youtube and keep your head down in school for chrissakes, do not anwser questions in class, it will only draw attention to your gay Ginger voice, continue to have lunch with the teachers and if you play your cards right you maybe will be able to get your butt outta there in one piece. Also become good at something like computers or some shit. But stay off Youtube.

-David

Turning Japanese [NOT]

Attention teens: wearing 14 different colors and patterns and pretending to be pigeon-toed does not make you Japanese. {I am out of touch, is Gwen Stefani and this whole thing still 'kewl' with kids?]
-David

Go 4 The Gold!

-David

Here Come The Robots

I am not 100% sure on this, but from what I can understand with my limited Japanese vocabulary is the following.
Robots have become self aware.
They are mad pissed about how humands have been bossing them around.
They are planning an revolution and are going to kill everyone (once they figure out how to stand up on their own).
-David

Old Fashioned Face

-David

GET OFF! No seriously get off that horse, you're crushing it.

OMFG! We have covered all kinds of sick porn things, but the grossest of all is when animals are getting hurt. Have you ever seen a horse more sickly than this? Where is his mane? And is that a bunch of flies in his face? These stupid ladies are crushing him. Not OK. I am ready to beat their butts. I wanna crawl in the web and personally give each of these women the John Cena STFU. I am writing an angry internet letter to ridevideos@aol.com about this for sure. :-(
via nudehorsebackriding.com
-David

Jenny Jones

Look what I've been missing on the web: the Jenny Jones Blog. For those that don't know, Jenny Jones hosted a talk show in the 90s. Her real claim to fame was a 'Secret Crushes' episode where a guy found out another guy had a crush on him. This guy was suprised, he was straight and so pissed about the whole thing that he killed that other guy who had a crush on him. That pretty much put an end to the Jenny Jones show. But Jenny is still alive, and shes spilling all her personal beans on her blog, bless her soul. I hope she finds a way to make peace with her mother.

via Jennyjones.com

-David