Some News

Hey I know most of you guys reading this come here for news and stuff, so I meant to tell you guys that Osama Bin Laden is dead. He got caught and killed, so just so you guys know.

David

The Kids Wont Quit

As far as I can tell, having children is pretty much miserable. When you first get one, they poop and pee everywhere. Then, once they get that worked out, you have to teach them, well, basically, everything, because their stupid brains are completely empty. Once you’ve gotten that to a manageable level, that is when the children start snorting drugs and fucking each other and driving, sometimes all three at the same time, so you’ve got that to think about.

Oh, and P.S. it’s all FOREVER until you DIE. (Unless they die first which is apparently EVEN WORSE.) But there must be something to it, because people definitely keep getting these things. I do think that there must be brief moments between all of blood, poop, and tears, when you look at your children and think: “I made that. I brought that into this world. And it just the absolute best.”
It helps if the children are krumping.

Fifty Face

weve seen these faces before. But now a famous face is added. There are a couple of problems with this. For one, Keenan seems to really be phoning it in in the Lip Dept. What’s going on there, Keenan? That shit lines up with the actual words, like, four times throughout. The rest is just “rhubarb rhubarb peas and carrots.” I know how sloppy lipsynching is done. I watch Drag Race! Don’t be an extra in your own movie, Keenan. The second problem is that I think this was made for Chelsea Lately, and while there’s nothing inherently wrong about a television show getting in (late) on a meme, I don’t trust (or particularly like) Chelsea Handler. Her intentions seem questionable to say the least. I don’t know Chelsea Handler personally, but none of the choices she make ever seem particularly fun? They all seem based on some kind of misguided black hole that’s growing deep at the core of her self-loathing.
All of that being said, I REALLY wish Keenan had his own show called Good Morning, Keenan! where he made lip dubs with other pop singers and then showed you how to make a low-cal Thanksgiving costume for your pet before their wedding. We could watch it together every morning, LIKE A FAMILY.

-David

Mad Man

Get a load of this guy! Watch as a man gets pissed when he misses an elevator, so he rams his motorized scooter into the elevator doors, ultimately breaking the panels and, sadly, plummeting to his eventual death.

via [The Daily What]

-David

Antoine Dodson 4Eva! RUN AND TELL THAT

Well, my mom finally saw the Bed Intruder Remix, because she saw the a clip of it on The Today Show this morning. And what did she have to say about its racial and economic implications?

“I like this song! Catchy. Good beat!”- My Mom 1812-2012

Tattoos Are Forever

Hey guys, I just wanted to give everyone a quick, friendly reminder about tattoos: they are forever. Yeah. I know that in our hectic modern world of SEXTING and Razr Scooters that it can be pretty hard to remember everything, and maybe some of you forgot that when you get a tattoo on your body, it is there until your are dead and all of the flesh rots away from your bones and rejoins Mother Gaia. So, say for example, that you wanted to get a gigantic tattoo on your forearm of Antoine Dodson, the subject of a popular Internet meme of the summer of 2010 with absolutely no sustainability: please just keep in mind when you are thinking of doing this that the tattoo of Antoine Dodson is going to be on your body for the rest of your life, long after anyone remembers who Antoine Dodson is, perhaps even long after you remember who Antoine Dodson is, if you happen to succumb to the increasingly pervasive disease of Alzheimer’s. Even if you somehow mange to survive 2012, you’ll be left to float along the water-soaked wastes of humanity’s wreckage with a giant tattoo of Antoine Dodson on your forearm.
In this scenario, one would assume that you would have more pressing concerns than the regretful tattoo decisions you made in a life and world that no longer exist, and yet one can still imagine you huddled on your makeshift raft, staring out with blistered eyes over an endless ocean of solitary horror, glancing down at your own reflection in the abyss of your inevitable doom, and catching a glimpse of your fucking Antoine Dodson tattoo and just being like, “eff.” Just something to think about before you make up your mind!
(Image via BuzzFeed.)

-David

Cute Again

We could all use a little charm in this dark world of seemingly endless pain and suffering. So, let’s have some charm! Above please enjoy a short animated film about Marcel, a tiny shell with one googley eye. I don’t want to give too much away, but Marcel’s one regret in life is never owning a dog. And wait until you hear how he ties his skis to his car! SPOILER ALERT: very charmingly, and very cutely as well.

Of course This does not change the fact that the oil spill in the gulf may never get cleaned up, or that the War in Iraq is an endless hell on Earth, or that we live in an age of impossible bigotry borne of cowardice and fear, but, conversely, those things don’t change HOW CUTE AND GREAT THIS MOVIE IS.

David

They Rapin' Evabody Out Here

I’ve got mixed feelings about the Antoine Dodson meme. I didnt blog about it at first thats how conflicted I was. Dont think I didnt know about it.
I Knew about it.
It’s just hard to understand the motives of the original news team in including him in their report, and it’s hard to understand the motives of the Internet (always) in spreading the clip. But mixed feelings is the right word, because motives and ebonics aside, he is funny. And funny sells. It’s not nearly as blatant and terrible as Epic Beard Man. What was WITH you guys on that one? “It’s hilarious how that overtly racist old man punches a black man in the face.” Cool. Finger on the pulse. We are getting off track. All of us, we all share an equal responsibility in taking this conversation off track. Back on track: every meme would probably–almost certainly–benefit from getting a marching band involved, and the Antoine Dodson meme is no exception.
So here below is the marching band version of the “Bed Intruder Song,”

-David

Let Her Do It

I don't think this counts as blackface if she isn't IN blackface. Okrrrr! I know thats right.

-David

Do You Even Know Anything About Hackerz?

LAUGHING OUT LOUD! The girl who said “what?” is right. Relax, tiny baby Julia Stiles. In other news: this.

Pizza Party

I like the part when the black girl puts fried chicken on your pizza. Racist-ass garbage pizza.

-David

The End is Nigh

CopperCab's prophecy has come true.

-David

Sad Sag

Holy smokes you guys. I mean, on the one hand, I guess New York State Senator Eric Adams (D) has a point. Sagging pants can maybe open the door to negative stereotyping (although one could then make the counter-argument that changing one’s “uncivilized” dress in order to conform and appeal to society’s expectations is itself a stereotype, and then we could have time for rebuttals from both sides on the BUS TO RACE JAIL). But on the other hand, something tells me that as America continues to limp through two wars abroad, and struggles to pull itself out of the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression, when gay marriage remains illegal in 45 states including New York, with widespread unemployment and plummeting property values, all within an impossibly divisive partisan political climate, and only two years before the inevitable 2012 Apocalypse, maybe this doesn’t need to be anyone’s KEY ISSUE. Like, maybe, just for the time being, there are MORE IMPORTANT THINGS GOING ON THAN PANTS. OKAY? HELLO.

Not Today, Racist Stereotypes

I am sick of people's stereotypes. I mean for example people are always saying 'Oh Asian people can't rap' and 'Asian people can only do computers and math and stuff. OK people, you know what, maybe that is true, but quit saying that stuff. How dare you try and deny anyone his god given right to clap squat and point on rooftops?! Who is anyone to say anything!
It's a difficult world we live in! Even if you do manage to carve out some small corner of your own somewhere, where you can be yourself and enjoy your life, there's someone waiting just on the other side of the door with an axe and a friggin bullhorn or blog. He is going to shout in your face and tear your house down! He is gonna punch you and knock you down then sit on your face and FARTINYOURFACE. You know how the world is. It's important to fight for what you want, because you are rarely allowed to just have it. Defend your home. Do your raps. Ignore the haters. It's no one else's life! Who is anyone to say anything! Go for it!
-David

Whoopi Ted Danson

Is what you can google image search in order to find these gems. I have to say Ted. Fire your historical make up artist. (unless he's in the union)
4 realz dough. I could do a better job with an oreo and a q-tip.

Oh web. No worries. I still think you're the best




* Sarah