TV time

No offense to Oprah (none taken, I’m sure) but how on Earth does she have her own television network while Herbie & Jabby are languishing on YouTube? I’m just saying. Blah blah blah, book clubs and fake doctors and one billion dollars. THIS IS WHAT I WANT IN MY EYES 24 HOURS A DAY.

Lets just make sure an adult is around making sure Herbie and Jabby dont get TOO close mkay?

The Audience Reaction to Oprah's "Favorite Things" is my favorite thing

At this point, it’s kind of a worn-out to say that you wish that you cared half as much about something in your life as someone in a YouTube video who cares way too much. For one thing, it’s a lie. It aims to paint whoever says it as a miserable husk of a human being while the truth of the matter is that miserable husks of human beings don’t TALK ABOUT IT VERY MUCH.

They mostly sit silently on a cat-hair-covered easy chair that smells like mold and drink alcohol from a novelty glass from Bubba Gump's restaurant in Times Square.

But it is true that there is something ineffable and jealous-making about people expressing PURE unbridled joy. We are all so clever and cool headed, we know that showing emotion is for NERDS. Cool kids are like “I would smile but then the cigarette that is dangling in the corner of my mouth would fall into the coffee that I take black.” But it’s not so much that I’m jealous of the people in this video (an amazing five-minute montage of all the audience reactions at Oprah’s two part 2010 “Favorite Things” episode) for having the ability to access an enthusiasm that I haven’t experienced in years or maybe ever.

I’m jealous of the people in this video FOR GETTING TO GO TO OPRAH’S “FAVORITE THINGS” EPISODE. Are you kidding? That shit is bananas. MY HEAD WOULD FUCKING FALL OFF IF ONLY.

David

Not Mad at Dat

Cache Rules Everything Around Me from Evan Roth on Vimeo.

There are two (and only two, probably) things that I like in this world: Girl Talk and animated GIFS. So you can imagine how this makes me feel.

Gaborey Sidibe's Mom Auditions for America's Got Talent

I suppose “Stop it, mom, you’re embarrassing me” is still way better than “Stop it, mom, you’re raping me.”

-David

I Like Dat

If I knew how to make gifs from videos, I would make one of the guy doing the side-swipe move from :17 to :21. And I would look at it every day for the rest of my life until 2012.

Cute Again

We could all use a little charm in this dark world of seemingly endless pain and suffering. So, let’s have some charm! Above please enjoy a short animated film about Marcel, a tiny shell with one googley eye. I don’t want to give too much away, but Marcel’s one regret in life is never owning a dog. And wait until you hear how he ties his skis to his car! SPOILER ALERT: very charmingly, and very cutely as well.

Of course This does not change the fact that the oil spill in the gulf may never get cleaned up, or that the War in Iraq is an endless hell on Earth, or that we live in an age of impossible bigotry borne of cowardice and fear, but, conversely, those things don’t change HOW CUTE AND GREAT THIS MOVIE IS.

David

Yo Yo Yo

As you can see, the Worldwide Yo-Yo Champion of 2010, Jensen Kimmitt, has mad yo-yo skillz. But the best part of all this is that he simultaneously demonstrates his skill with the yo-yo, while also pulling off the incredible trick of seeming kind of cool and possibly even normal, not anything like the weird, Asperger-y, basement nerd who smells like wet newspapers and social anxiety that one assumes he must be when the stage lights are off.
Second best part of all this is the crowds reaction. Holy smokes these people love yo-yo. Watch 1:23 when a fan throws two fists in the air. Yo-yo is so exciting!

-David

Oh My Monday

On Mondays, it’s hard not to feel at least a little bit overwhelmed by the Sisyphusian task of pushing another week up the mountain. But it is nice to remember and to be reminded that there are Mad Decent block parties out there, and that it’s not all company-wide Q3 earnings report review meetings and getting that file on someone’s desk by 3PM.

You know what, sometimes you strap on your fanny pack and head down to the boardwalk and dance in a way that is both unexpected and delightful. And as “Grandma Tracy” shows us, sometimes you do this until you are 1,000 years old. Let’s hope. And LET’S GO!

You Win Some

You know how dance battles are, sometimes you win, most times you lose. But when other people are dancing- you pretty much always win. This is one of those winning times. You go you guys!

-David

Party Time, EXCELLENT

YEAH! SWEET! RIGHT ON DUDES! HAVING A BOWL HAIRCUT IS THE BEST MAN! OH YEAH!

-David

April Fooled

Bieber Takes Over from Justin Bieber

well we were april fooled. Justin Bieber didnt take over viral video web page funny or die.com. But if he did I would have no problem with it. If this 4′2″ lesbian is intent on taking over the Internet, I say let her go for it.
-David

Next Level Beatz

The music young people listen to nowadays just sounds like noise to me. I don't know what happened to real musicians from my day like Benny Goodman. Now that was something you could tap your toe to. Now singers want to wear these unflattering hair dos and do crazy voices and they keep getting in my face, get out of my face. I have enough people in my face most times. I do not want faces coming at me in my youtubes (with some exceptions).
All that said, I seen this group Die Antwoord and they aren't so bad, they have some real neat outfits and it looks to me they maybe have a Primordial Dwarf in the mix. That dude either is a PMD, or he has Progeria, that accelerated aging disease. Anyway something is up with that guy and I wish he would put a shirt on for crissakes. The rest of the group also looks a little strange, like a mix of the people from Gummo and Deliverance . Just sayin. I am not holding it against them. They are from South Africa, I guess thats how everyone looks there.
-David

Sex Can Wait

I want to speak directly to the young women out there who aren't afraid to find their own voices and make a difference in this world, where you at my peeps? Yo, you dogs, let me lay down some wisdom for you. Being a virgin is no big whoop. FACT: we are ALL born virgins and plenty of people remain virgins their whole entire lives, so what, who cares, nobody! Being a virgin can even be an asset. Yes its true, put your razr scooter down, take off your walkman headphones and let me tell you about Sarah Jane Newberry. Pictured above right she is a kewl lady from England who has never had sex ever, never in her whole life, even counting anal. Its not like she hasn't had the option, she had boyfriends (check the ex-boyfriend section of the site). But she's chosen not to let anybody put it in her and for her it's worked out well. Look she has a website of her own and everything!
-David

Toon Time

Anyone who knows me knows I love cats, being alone, and reading the web. Reading the web for some people would be work, but you know for me, its a labour of love. Follow your passion you know? And that passion, whoops, leads me to TasteofPoisonParadise, a NSFW site where Disney characters are undressed. The weird part (lots of wierd parts to this site) is that it turns out all the toons wear briefs, boxer briefs or jockstraps.
-David

Better Late Than Never

My Bad, this was for 4/20 but here you go, celebrate 5/20.
-David

Thank U 4 Being A Friend!

You guys we have 6 positive feedbacks on Ebay! We are so friggin psyched! That is over halfway to a gold star! I am just the blog master here, its Sarah and Joanna who do the Ebay voodoo, but from all of us, we wanna send a special, not creepy at all, shout out to the below Ebayers whose winning bids and great feedback are helping make Ebay a better place to shop.
nsor8644, iluvtransams , awfullyrad, jea012, and kureyscards
THANKS A MILLION!

Git To Googlin'

I just discovered someeething! Its called the Google preferred sites experiment. It will auto complete your search with the most popular related search terms. So now I can see how, and what America googles. This is kind of like how The Family Feud works.
4 example in the search above, we learned that what people MOST want to know about gay men is:
A) why are they so feared?
B) so attractive?
C) feminine?
Lets take a look at some more hilarious searches:
Why does my...
It hurts when I...
Is fashion...
play along at home!
via google experimental
-David

Smooth Operator

Earlier in the park I over heard a guy use the old “Come here often?” line on a girl next to me.
Except he was vaguely European or something so he actually said: “Do you often to come here?”
And then I snorted my protein shake out my nose for the second time this week.
-David

Looks Good

The Looks, a sweet music blog published from north Jersey, has Bert and Ernie as their mascots. How figgin cute is that?! They also have a wide selection of great jamz, check them out. You're welcome!
via the looks
-David

GIT 'EM WHILE THEY'RE HAWT!

The first batch of clothes is up on Ebay and while I see a bidding war in the works over some items, others haven't been bid on yet. This is your chance you guys! Swoop down like a pidgeon on a french fry, its your's for the taking!
As Kenny Powers might say, let me f*ck you up with some knowledge. Clockwise from top right:

This lovely blue skirt is perfect for a professional plus sized lady (and what lady dosn't wanna be professional?) It even has an elastic waist- you do the math. = 2 DIE 4!

Is this the freakum dress Beyonce wrote 'Get Cha Freakum Dress On' about? Maybe, I' just sayin' it could be. And that diagonal stripe is MAD slimming. Wear it and youll kinda look like a sassy sexy beer.

This Young Attitude sweater may not be cashemere but it is a class wool. With the wide open neck and open armholes you wont be mad hot, you'll be mad kewl.

Nothing can beat the drama of a cape, and if you pop the collar- Oh my gawd, Drama! You will win an Oscar.

-David