Bridalplasty Is Real

It has long been believed that the world would end in 2012, but new information suggests that the world might end as early as whenever the fuck this new show called Bridalplasty on E! is coming out. Holy cow.

In one of the most shocking reality TV ideas yet, E! has ordered a new series that crosses a wedding competition with extreme plastic surgery.
The network is set to announce “Bridalplasty,” where brides-to-be compete in wedding-themed challenges to win extensive surgical procedures.

Sure, we’ve all seen brides-to-be competing in wedding themed challenges to win minor surgical procedures, but finally, a show in which brides-to-be compete in wedding-themed challenges to win EXTENSIVE surgical procedures. Neat!

Wait until you hear the FULL DESCRIPTION:

Each week, a group of women competes head-to-head in such challenges as writing wedding vows and planning honeymoons. The winner receives the chance to choose a plastic surgery procedure from her “wish list.” She’s given the procedure immediately, and results are shown at the start of the following week’s episode.

One by one, the women are voted out by their competitors and, according to the show’s description, “possibly walking away with nothing and losing [their] chance to be the perfect bride.”

The last bride standing will receive a “dream wedding,” where she will reveal her new appearance to friends, family and the groom. “Viewers will witness his emotional and possibly shocked reaction as they stand at the altar and he lifts her veil to see her for the first time following her extreme plastic surgery,” E! said.

HIGHLIGHTS INCLUDE: “she is given the procedure immediately” “walking away with NOTHING” “losing the chance to be the PERFECT BRIDE” and “his emotional and possibly shocked reaction as they stand at the altar.”
-David

Not Mad at Dat

Cache Rules Everything Around Me from Evan Roth on Vimeo.

There are two (and only two, probably) things that I like in this world: Girl Talk and animated GIFS. So you can imagine how this makes me feel.

Troubled Water

Some people say that this is a video taken in the dining hall of a cruise ship during mad rough seas, and some people say that it is a VISUAL METAPHOR FOR LIFE! Mmmkay? Because in life, as you may know, sometimes we are tossed around by forces beyond our control. One second we are holding onto an overturned cash register, and the next thing we know, we and the register both are flying across the room, and uh oh, look out, here comes ALL THE CHAIRS!
Eventually, one hopes, the skies clear and the ship of LIFE rights itself, and we cruise through crystal blue waters, the sun beating down on our shoulders, and we barely even remember the part where the overweight security guard was holding onto a support beam and screaming at people to return to their rooms. Of course, that is even more metaphorical, since we don’t have a video of a cruise ship on calm waters.
We only have a video of a cruise ship on rough waters. But I am pretty sure that in LIFE as in CRUISE SHIPS, there are both. Plus that in life, as well as in cruise ships, troubled water is best navigated from behind the bar!

Keep Backin Dat Up

I couldnt love this remix more. Unless I found out this lady was related to Sylvia Browne, then I might love it more.

-David

Back it Up

Sorry about those robbers. However, the real crime is that she isn’t called upon to bear witness to EVERYTHING. “Eccentric Witness Describes…” could be a whole series.
Via Dlisted

-David

America's Got Faces

Oh Snap.
All the faces up in here. He has mad expanded his vocabulary of faces.

-David

Summer Lovin Had Me A Blast

Well dag. The holiday weekend approaches. And with it, the end of summer. It happens every year, so there’s no reason for us to be surprised. But that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t carry a hint of sadness with it. The briefest regret that perhaps we are forgetting something. Perhaps an opportunity was missed. All those items on the Summer Bucket List that remain unchecked, and so few days to check them off. Of course, before we know it, we’ll be buried neck-deep in autumn, and any residual regret from a summer wasted will be pushed aside by the annual high-level anxiety over what inanimate object to make “sexy” for Halloween?! And then it will be Christmas. And then we’ll all be dead.

But for today, we momentarily look back, our skin still warm, our hands still raised to shield our eyes from the sun, and that’s when we get it. That’s when we get it right in the face.

And we’re done here, indeed. R.I.P. SUMMER 2010

Game Time

That cat plays Duck Hunt exactly like I used to, which was a close as possible to the screen.

PS: that Duck Hunt dog is the worst

-David

Haters Gon' Hate Part II TOKYO DRIFT

The fact remains Haters Gonna Hate

-David

Antoine Dodson 4Eva! RUN AND TELL THAT

Well, my mom finally saw the Bed Intruder Remix, because she saw the a clip of it on The Today Show this morning. And what did she have to say about its racial and economic implications?

“I like this song! Catchy. Good beat!”- My Mom 1812-2012

Treadmill Babies Thank Gawd Its Friday

Just had the sudden, horrific realization that my life can be summed up in an 18 second YouTube video. Except I am on the treadmill alone. Whatever. TGIF.
via BuzzFeed

-David

Tattoos Are Forever

Hey guys, I just wanted to give everyone a quick, friendly reminder about tattoos: they are forever. Yeah. I know that in our hectic modern world of SEXTING and Razr Scooters that it can be pretty hard to remember everything, and maybe some of you forgot that when you get a tattoo on your body, it is there until your are dead and all of the flesh rots away from your bones and rejoins Mother Gaia. So, say for example, that you wanted to get a gigantic tattoo on your forearm of Antoine Dodson, the subject of a popular Internet meme of the summer of 2010 with absolutely no sustainability: please just keep in mind when you are thinking of doing this that the tattoo of Antoine Dodson is going to be on your body for the rest of your life, long after anyone remembers who Antoine Dodson is, perhaps even long after you remember who Antoine Dodson is, if you happen to succumb to the increasingly pervasive disease of Alzheimer’s. Even if you somehow mange to survive 2012, you’ll be left to float along the water-soaked wastes of humanity’s wreckage with a giant tattoo of Antoine Dodson on your forearm.
In this scenario, one would assume that you would have more pressing concerns than the regretful tattoo decisions you made in a life and world that no longer exist, and yet one can still imagine you huddled on your makeshift raft, staring out with blistered eyes over an endless ocean of solitary horror, glancing down at your own reflection in the abyss of your inevitable doom, and catching a glimpse of your fucking Antoine Dodson tattoo and just being like, “eff.” Just something to think about before you make up your mind!
(Image via BuzzFeed.)

-David

Gaborey Sidibe's Mom Auditions for America's Got Talent

I suppose “Stop it, mom, you’re embarrassing me” is still way better than “Stop it, mom, you’re raping me.”

-David

Cat Bashed Captured!

Finally the cat trasher has been nabbed! Why are they putting her in the drivers seat? Dumb lady cops and their bright yellow vests and bowler hats.

-David

America Does Not Got Talent

While I agree philosophically with the idea that all taste is subjective, I kind of feel like we need to get a verification on it. Because, sometimes I get the feeling that taste is not subjective at all. At the very least, perhaps we can all agree that there are moments in which something is either good or bad, and that the people who think otherwise are SCIENTIFICALLY wrong. The most obvious example, of course, would be mad creepy YouTubes with aging related disease faces.

Another instance would be Prince Poppycock, a current contestant on America’s Got Talent, who is not only a finalist (A FINALIST!?!) but seems to be beloved by the judges and the audience alike. “Dude” is just killing it! On last night’s episode, he performed a Marie Antoinette powder-faced musical theater version of Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody,” because it’s 2010 and 2012 cannot come soon enough
-David