Friday, May 7, 2010

Attention All Nerds

Everyone be yourselves. Express yourself. But not that much.
Nerds! Listen! You need to be more careful! As you nerds get older, there is this weird thing that happens where all of the social anxiety that you had felt for most of your life that forced you deeper and deeper into a non-traditional lifestyle centered around your idiosyncratic interests and hobbies becomes this kind of social confidence in which you proudly express the nerd that you have become.

Now, on the one hand, this is great. It suggests that you nerds have found a certain level of happiness and self-esteem that you were lacking before. You’ve discovered that everyone in the world is doing their best to make it through the day, and while some people wrap themselves in the defensive armor of the status quo, you have opted for the more difficult path, and yet here you are, a proud nerd, still standing tall. Good for you! You are an interesting and complex human being, perhaps more interesting and complex than most, which means that you really are the special snowflake that your mom and math teachers always told you that you were to get you to stop crying.
"I collect magic the gathering cards! I belong to nerd message boards. I am invincible!"

But nerds, it is important for you to recognize, even in this new era of daring and bravery, that if someone is videotaping you karate dancing at a party, they don’t have your best interests at heart. It is still because they think you are a nerd, and they want to tease the nerd. I know it might seem like the videotaping is a compliment coming from people who don’t know how to karate dance because they don’t have the training, but it is not a compliment.

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