I think we can all remember where we were when we first discovered the comedic stylings of Daniel Songer. (Because we were all here.) Now, four long, memorable months later, Daniel Songer is hanging up his trademark khaki shorts, and turning the porch bug zapper off for the last time. Yes, this week on Comedy_Entertainment Act 91.mpg, comedian, entertainer, dancer, and poet Daniel Songer announces that he is retiring from comedy. Oh no! Well, it was an epic career. And there is no shame in wanting to go out on top, as a living legend. Which is exactly what Daniel Songer does in this video, which includes both a heartfelt thank you to his fans, and some of the classic Daniel Songer comedy bits that remind us all why he has those fans in the first place.
Awwww. Who’s da cutest widdle mini-cannon? I want to put this mini-cannon in my pocket and carry it around with me everywhere so that I can love it and hug it and never let it go. On weekends, I would take it to the park and just let it shoot around however it wants. In the summer, we would go to civil war battlefields, and it could shoot with the big cannons. People would be like “Oh my God, that is the cutest little mini-cannon I’ve ever seen, can I aim it?” And I would be like, “I”m really sorry, but my mini-cannon isn’t friendly.” And then I would shoot them with the mini-cannon and they would be like “hahaha, ow!” Because it would hurt, but it would be sooooo cute. MINI-CANNON!
Teachers, the thoughtful and educated gatekeepers to our childrens’ intellectual future are making silly lip-synch videos to pop songs that haven’t been popular in 20 years and posting them on YouTube in some kind of misguided attempt to prove they are “getting jiggy with you.” Oh, teachers. Still just a bunch of corny, charming, ridiculous, lovable dorkballs who don’t know anything.
Everyone be yourselves. Express yourself. But not that much. Nerds! Listen! You need to be more careful! As you nerds get older, there is this weird thing that happens where all of the social anxiety that you had felt for most of your life that forced you deeper and deeper into a non-traditional lifestyle centered around your idiosyncratic interests and hobbies becomes this kind of social confidence in which you proudly express the nerd that you have become.
Now, on the one hand, this is great. It suggests that you nerds have found a certain level of happiness and self-esteem that you were lacking before. You’ve discovered that everyone in the world is doing their best to make it through the day, and while some people wrap themselves in the defensive armor of the status quo, you have opted for the more difficult path, and yet here you are, a proud nerd, still standing tall. Good for you! You are an interesting and complex human being, perhaps more interesting and complex than most, which means that you really are the special snowflake that your mom and math teachers always told you that you were to get you to stop crying. "I collect magic the gathering cards! I belong to nerd message boards. I am invincible!"
But nerds, it is important for you to recognize, even in this new era of daring and bravery, that if someone is videotaping you karate dancing at a party, they don’t have your best interests at heart. It is still because they think you are a nerd, and they want to tease the nerd. I know it might seem like the videotaping is a compliment coming from people who don’t know how to karate dance because they don’t have the training, but it is not a compliment. -David
The internet radio station Pandora.com probably knows me better then anyone else. How else could you explain the infinite wisdom Pandora showed when it introduced me to the musical revelation of Israel Kamakawiwo'ole! His voice is like a cool Hawiian breeze in my ears!! Attention Dolly Parton, Liza, RuPaul and Martha Wash, you all are bout to have some new company on my wall of musical muses. Your welcome! -David
Great news everyone ! Springtime has arrived...Violently awaking Mother Nature by method of shaking and slapping.
And just like last year and the year before.............. She's super mad pissed at Sarah B. Lund. An ensemble of diva demon hormones are wreaking mass havoc. Welcome back Melasma/Chloasma ! Imaculate mask of pregnancy FTW ! Good thing I hang around CVS often. Dr. Varon's skin bleaching system promises to solve all of my crayola mustache face problems. Lady Troubles......Reality Whooooot !
Ginger who? There is a new mega nerd on the Youtube scene, and he taking being a nerd VERY SERIOUSLY. I hope he wins that contest whatever the heck it is, and if he does I have an idea of what he will spend his prize money on.
Its a whole new me. Most times I find a way to see the worst in things. But some things are too pure and good and there is no worst to even see in them. Things like Dolly Parton, RuPaul, Baby Animals, these things are unscornable. Also unscornable, Insane Clown Posse's Miracles. Haha. I can’t even say anything bad about this video. I sincerely wish I was able to recognize all the miracles that this bitch has to offer. -David
