Aye ! Get With The Program

If you aren't in the loop by now it's likely that you are some kind of fanatical Christian or foreign or something.
Advice With Gina is pretty much the hottest page on Facebook. You can communicate with a web celeb and not even have to buy nothing. She's sort of the most important person in our lives..and it's not because she stuffs our mouth holes with bear claws every chance she gets.

"Advice with Gina is A cornucopia of relevant information." New York Times

"Gina knows my body, and I can't get enough" John the Landlord

"Finally someone who knows what cat's really need.
They need fried chicken from *EXPLETIVE* Vons... cut into little tiny pieces and mixed with Chicken Temptations in a large bowl.
It's called flavor notes, duh Bitch" O ! Magazine

"Gina always knows which Bachelor contestant is the biggest skank and what gas station to go to for the cheapest cigarettes. A true los Angeles insider." LA Weekly

So go ahead get on yer Facespace and get your Gina on. Cause if your not in it to win it. We pretty much don't want to know your ugly face.
Hey, this could be you....

*Sarah

I Want More Things

There is no inherent purpose in life. Each of us give life our own purpose. In the end, we will all die, and inexorably all of our accomplishments (reading the entire internet) will be turned to dust and we will be forgotten.
What is the point of trying to feed the hungry or house the homeless? Instead, seize upon what is important. Seek whatever material pleasures you can from life, collect whatever worldly goods you possibly can, and then just sit on them; you don't have to do anything with them because there really is no point to any of it. My recommendation is that you should be buying all the things you can.
What better place to buy things then the Sky Mall catalog? Lets look at 5 things you should buy before you die.

1.) Wine Glass Necklace. Coming to terms with your mortality in a godless world can really work your nerve. And if you happen to be an older individual, you'll find this realization extra upsetting, your time is limited. What you need, everyone needs, is a drink. Problem is, wine glasses can be hard to hold when your hands are trembling and you are crying (trust me I know), that's why it's great to have a wine glass holder necklace.

2.) Waistband Stretcher. While you wait for your Pajama Jeans to come, you'll need to have on hand a pair of pants that fit, just in case one of your cats gets a bad eye infection and you have to rush to the vet.

3.) Sexy Lingerie Shirt. I am just in love with this shirt, seriously what a hoot. Even if my cats can't read, and the last person who stepped foot inside my apartment was a hoarding counselor 12 years ago, this shirt makes ME feel good and that's whats important.

4.) Siamese Slanket. Why was the Snuggie such a hit? Doesn't anyone realize Slanket was there first? This is the same thing that happened with Britney and Christina, Backstreet and N*Sync and the movie Ants and A Bug's Life. Whats been wack is that the Slanket and Snuggie never came in plus sizes, responding to my letters of complaint the companies stated that their products were ONE SIZE FITS ALL. We all know that's a load of bologna. If you're a full figured individual, treat yourself to one of these, don't struggle and diet to fit into mainstream society's idea of "standard" Snuggie or Slanket size.

5.) Lighted Slippers. Shuffling around a pitch black apartment in the middle of the night trying to prepare yourself a midnight snack as dozens of cats bob and weave between your ankles like football players running drills can really be a hazard. Just be careful with these though, I've noticed they do help me see where I'm going but some of the friskier cats are attracted to the light and this can be a problem.

"Hi Guys"- that one Comedian

Where has the time gone? Look at this I turn around not even 2 weeks later and he is already doing part 52 of his comedy series? I have no problem with that. I will watch all the parts. As he humps the air and goes on about the experience of buying lube, I stop hearing what he is saying and slip into a trance, like Raven from TV's That's So Raven.
Also, I should say LOL.
His nipples are rock hard the whole entire time.
-David

Medical Breakthrough

Millions of dollars critical to research fighting Cancer and AIDS have been diverted, precious resources rerouted as medical science unanimously put all else on hold, and committed itself entirely to build a living Avatar for 22 year old Long Beach resident and future childless cat hoarder, Sarah B. Lund. Modeled on the brainchild of James Cameron, a multinational team of scientists and bio engineers have worked tirelessly to bring this compelling concept shown in the film, to a living breathing reality, the fusion of Human and Navi DNA.
The bad news is the Avatar is still plus sized and there is nothing they could do about that.
-David

"You Know What!!"- Ginger

Is this getting old? No, it isn't. Our Ginger buddy is still on top of his YouTube game. He's brought some entirely new elements to the table in his latest video YOU KNOW WHAT. Lets consider what he is doing here.
1) Hes now in a new location, change is neat! Not sure where he is, but I will say that fence casts a lovely cross hatching shadow across his basketball shaped face. I'm guessing he isn't far from the original location because you can hear his yelling once again upset the neighbors dog.
2) Hes got a new exclamatory sound effect! I will describe it as a mix of a rasberry you would blow on the belly of a cat, and the sound a horse makes when anxious. He is still yelling, he didn't quit that. But this new sound fits nicely into the mix.
3) Almost crying. Hes done this in earlier videos, but now he is really dialing it in. Almost crying is a critical skill as a teen nerd guy. It allows you to express sincerity while staying on the right side of the crying fag line. Thats a line you dont want to cross.
4.) So many feelings! Besides the almost crying there is more emotions going on here then ever before. I feel like I just rode a roller coaster of emotion, and I had my hands up the whole entire time! RAGE turns to sadness, then an earnest plea, vulnerability and humility, then more RAGE AND ACRIMONY! If saying 'that deserves an Oscar' weren't such a tired cliche, that is exactily would I would say. When will YouTube get its own award show? I hope before 2012.

So in conclusion, unlike American Pie IV, this is just as good as ever, good material, compelling presentation-its really what great YouTubes are all about. Still he hasn't yet presented any evidence Gingers really do have souls, but I'm guessing he is saving that for later.
-David

Sisterhood of the Travelling Spanx

It's hard out there! I know it's hard out there. You just have to keep your head down, and do whatever it takes to get through the day. For some people that means unwinding after a day at the office with a nice ice cold Diet Coke and an episode of HOARDERS. ("I'm just so excited to find out if they are able to let someone clean their house, oh good they were able to!") For some people it's taking a pottery class at the local community center, or swing dance lessons with a teacher found on craigslist who smells like alcohol and plastic. It's like Lil' Kim said before she went to prison for lying under oath: Do what you like! (Except lie under oath, that's perjury and you will go to jail for that.)
This is America!
And OK, maybe you and a couple friends want to dress up and express yourselves in a terrifying caricature of femininity. Maybe you guys happen to sew your own costumes and lip-sync to a CD of Dreamgirls, Music From the Motion Picture. Maybe one of you guys (Sarah) is having a hard time matching her heavy coverage foundation to the skin color on her body, so what, who cares. It's the right of everyone to express herself, do you.
-TRANSformation via dragulator.com
-David

Internet Rules

Has anyone ever heard of the website (NSFW) http://guyswithiphones.com/? Its just a bunch of guys taking self pictures with their iphones. How is this even a thing? It just goes to show you that for anything you can imagine, there exists an Internet community who fetishizes about that thing, and is that is ALL ABOUT that one thing. They masturbate thinking about that thing like it is their job.
Maybe it is gross and bizarre, but it is a cold and unforgiving world out there, so who are we to judge? We all live in glass houses, although clearly some of our glass is cleaner and more in touch with reality than others'. Anyway, congrats to the fetish communities out there, you have the web and you can get whatever kinda wierd crap you guys want. You can find it here, here, here and here...and here. And here.
-David
via http://hotchickswithfistsintheirmouths.com/

Back To The Cats

The world is nothing: a pointless accident, a mechanical chaos of casual brute enmity on which we stupidly impose our hopes and fears. Each one of us exist singularly, absolutely alone. All the rest, what you see around you, is merely what pushes you, or what you push against, blindly- as blindly as all that is not you, pushes back. You create the universe blink by blink. An ugly god pitifully dying in an empty space. So, lets go back to the basics: Cat Videos. Here we have a lovely tortoiseshell meowing and being groomed. I am not sure if she is pissed or happy, but I am sure she is cute and is just a baby.

-David

Next Level Beatz

The music young people listen to nowadays just sounds like noise to me. I don't know what happened to real musicians from my day like Benny Goodman. Now that was something you could tap your toe to. Now singers want to wear these unflattering hair dos and do crazy voices and they keep getting in my face, get out of my face. I have enough people in my face most times. I do not want faces coming at me in my youtubes (with some exceptions).
All that said, I seen this group Die Antwoord and they aren't so bad, they have some real neat outfits and it looks to me they maybe have a Primordial Dwarf in the mix. That dude either is a PMD, or he has Progeria, that accelerated aging disease. Anyway something is up with that guy and I wish he would put a shirt on for crissakes. The rest of the group also looks a little strange, like a mix of the people from Gummo and Deliverance . Just sayin. I am not holding it against them. They are from South Africa, I guess thats how everyone looks there.
-David

European Designer

If you spend most of your days in your home, sometimes you can find yourself feeling hopelessly sloppy and judged by your cats. Now if you had some PAJAMA JEANS, you would probably be feeling a lot better and might be able to avoid the whole existential crisis that comes with being a bedridden morbidly obese cat hoarder. First of all there is the elastic waist, and then plus that, you have got brass rivets on the back pockets there, just like fancy European jeans (which can sell from $50 to $100 dollars).
-David

When Dreams Come True

Pretty much nobody watches Saturday Night Live anymore, it's not that it's a bad show. It's just that it's on too late. If it was on more like 8pm on Saturday, and just was a half hour long, then I would be watching it. But anyway we live in the future, we don't have to WATCH TV to watch TV. We can look at it on the Internet! That's how I mostly do, and boy did it pay off for me today.
Proof that THE SECRET works: Jon Hamm dancing in jean shorts, right out of my dreams and into real life! As a modern wordsmith once said:
"I like that, I like that, twerk that back, twerk that back"
-David

It's Called Fashion

I'm sure everyone is familiar with the three wolf moon shirt. Its pretty much an icon, known as much for it's sweet mystical powers as it's glowing reviews on amazon.com. People say 'if it ain't broke don't fix it', to hell with that, as you can see i'm fixing it. No big whoop, it's fashion design, and it is so easy for me.
-David

Friggin Posers

Do not take your clothing advice from two nerd teens on a beach. Take it from this blog (or from Gina) and use that wisdom to buy things at the Oh Hai Vintage Ebay store.
-David

Internation Support

The former Soviet Union was a once great superpower that found its end in 1991, due to political and economic ruin. The vast land once part of this Federal Socialist Republic is now broken into over a dozen small nations, most surviving in (relative to the first world) poverty. These new nations don't have much as far as natural resources go. But one thing they do have is a seemingly infinite number of twinks, and without them the production of the world's low budget and grainy gay pornography would very likely grind to a halt.
-David

Grandmas Just Don't Understand

I think Grandma has a point here. Looking at his room the naked babe poster sort of screams Sex Offender. And also whispers Virgin.

-David