Secret Lover

Remember that guy you met at Teddy's two summers ago? The one you went out with for about three weeks, but never wanted to introduce him to any of your friends? Yeah he was kinda gross, but the boning was real hot.

Here's my top five celeb secret lover wishlist:

ZACH GALIFIANAKIS

It's no secret that Zach is my number one celebrity crush. Besides being talented, he's the perfect cuddling size and fuzzy like a little animal. Zach! if you're reading this, CALL ME!! XOXO

Let's make this happen.

DANNY McBRIDE

Maybe I should move to NC, cause it seems like that state is droppin hotties like crazah.

NICK OFFERMAN

This one guy from Parks and Recreations. Oh the things I would do with that stache.

ALEC BALDWINWhat is it with him? The fatter Alec gets, the sexier he is, or maybe he just developed a personality by the pound. I'll take the fatty Alec any day! Also, I like the way he rocks back and forth on the edge of his chair, trying to gain momentum, it reminds me of my grandma.

JEFF GOLDBLUM

I didn't want you guys to think that I only go for fat hairy bears, I like the skinny weird ones too. JB's the kinda of guy you're really into until he lets his fetish get out of control. Plus, we would have weird looking babies.

-Joanna

Ok I Get It

I wish the world was more open minded. Women wear makeup every day. Why can't men? Then guys like the gentleman pictured above could get their freak on each and every day. Anyway I'm not mad at it and I'm gonna bet his that raccoon/panda nightmare makeup face is better then whats underneath. God love him.
-David

Forgive Them God, They Know Not What They Do To Cats

Fact: animals are graceful and way cooler then any person will ever be. But does that mean it makes sense to dress up in giant animal costumes to imitate our four legged friends? Yes, it does sorta make sense. But when dressed as a giant 400lb wolf, do it in private- don't bring you cat into your nightmare world. Your cat isn't impressed, he is probably as creeped out as everyone else is on the web. And he is probably embarrassed behind his wackadoo person. A little shame would go a long way.

-David

Pooh Please

Shoot, please think about this before you click through to the uncensored version.

via the Internet is Terrible

-David

"Its Technically More of a Lifestyle"- Some Guy in a Hat

Listen everybody knows Toni Braxton can really get a lady in the mood. Light a few candles, sprinkle some carnations around the room, buy some doritos from the hotel vending machine to seductively snack on, even rub some lotion on your feets PHEW! Things can get heated.

I can't blame this animal lady (she is a skunk?) for wanting to get her freak on.

-David