Excuse Me Bitches

Excuse me bitches in the back. Wipe those stink faces off your faces.

What can you do. Haters gon' hate.

-David

Mom Alert

Awww. Your mom seems nice, and obviously you love her.

But she also doesn’t understand ANYTHING.

AND she didn’t read the “STAY OUT, NO MOMS ALLOWED” sign that we put on the door to our Internet. God, your mooooooooom. It’s embarrasssssssssssing.

I Like Dat

If I knew how to make gifs from videos, I would make one of the guy doing the side-swipe move from :17 to :21. And I would look at it every day for the rest of my life until 2012.

Gay Games

Well here he is for better or worse (mostly worse.) Sarah's boyfriend she met gaming online.

Sure, sometimes she wishes her boyfriend wouldn’t spend so much time–all of his waking life–playing videogames on-line with his friends, but he’s just a very passionate person, and that is what she loves about him. Besides, his gaming headset kind of looks cute on him. Not as cute as, say, not wearing an gaming headset, but if he’s going to wear a gaming headset, he could look worse. Anyway, Sarah is sure that one day he will turn all the focus and attention and passion and excitement and emotional investment he has for videogames to his relationship with her, and when that day comes, it is just going to be so wonderful. She loves him so much. She can hardly wait.

-David

Yo Yo Yo

As you can see, the Worldwide Yo-Yo Champion of 2010, Jensen Kimmitt, has mad yo-yo skillz. But the best part of all this is that he simultaneously demonstrates his skill with the yo-yo, while also pulling off the incredible trick of seeming kind of cool and possibly even normal, not anything like the weird, Asperger-y, basement nerd who smells like wet newspapers and social anxiety that one assumes he must be when the stage lights are off.
Second best part of all this is the crowds reaction. Holy smokes these people love yo-yo. Watch 1:23 when a fan throws two fists in the air. Yo-yo is so exciting!

-David

Oh My Monday

On Mondays, it’s hard not to feel at least a little bit overwhelmed by the Sisyphusian task of pushing another week up the mountain. But it is nice to remember and to be reminded that there are Mad Decent block parties out there, and that it’s not all company-wide Q3 earnings report review meetings and getting that file on someone’s desk by 3PM.

You know what, sometimes you strap on your fanny pack and head down to the boardwalk and dance in a way that is both unexpected and delightful. And as “Grandma Tracy” shows us, sometimes you do this until you are 1,000 years old. Let’s hope. And LET’S GO!

Go Go Jo

I’m not sure what attracted me to Rick first, whether it was the complete lack of self-awareness, the embodiment of a grotesque 1970s-era sexuality, or the damp slick of death that slid from his pores, but I am definitely very attracted to him, love him, have sex with him, want to marry him, share all my secrets with him, and just wish I could live inside him forever.”
– Joan Skumanich 1974-2012

Pants Off Baby Dance Off

There are lots of dancing babies out there. This is just one of the better ones.

Is he the best? I don’t think that’s even a question worth asking. Stop trying to put a label on everything, man. Besides, dancing babies are like pizza. There’s no such thing as bad dancing pizza!

-David

This Sht Will Blow Ur Mutha Effin' Mind

Its a whole new me. Most times I find a way to see the worst in things. But some things are too pure and good and there is no worst to even see in them. Things like Dolly Parton, RuPaul, Baby Animals, these things are unscornable. Also unscornable, Insane Clown Posse's Miracles. Haha. I can’t even say anything bad about this video. I sincerely wish I was able to recognize all the miracles that this bitch has to offer.
-David

Secret Lover

Remember that guy you met at Teddy's two summers ago? The one you went out with for about three weeks, but never wanted to introduce him to any of your friends? Yeah he was kinda gross, but the boning was real hot.

Here's my top five celeb secret lover wishlist:

ZACH GALIFIANAKIS

It's no secret that Zach is my number one celebrity crush. Besides being talented, he's the perfect cuddling size and fuzzy like a little animal. Zach! if you're reading this, CALL ME!! XOXO

Let's make this happen.

DANNY McBRIDE

Maybe I should move to NC, cause it seems like that state is droppin hotties like crazah.

NICK OFFERMAN

This one guy from Parks and Recreations. Oh the things I would do with that stache.

ALEC BALDWINWhat is it with him? The fatter Alec gets, the sexier he is, or maybe he just developed a personality by the pound. I'll take the fatty Alec any day! Also, I like the way he rocks back and forth on the edge of his chair, trying to gain momentum, it reminds me of my grandma.

JEFF GOLDBLUM

I didn't want you guys to think that I only go for fat hairy bears, I like the skinny weird ones too. JB's the kinda of guy you're really into until he lets his fetish get out of control. Plus, we would have weird looking babies.

-Joanna

Spider Man Returnz

After surviving for two weeks on only mustard and Wetzel's Pretzels from the mall, YOU KNOW WHO, is finally squeezed back in her spider suit and is feeling more sensual then ever. Good for you girl, we should all be so lucky to find something in this world that makes us happy

-David

Aye ! Get With The Program

If you aren't in the loop by now it's likely that you are some kind of fanatical Christian or foreign or something.
Advice With Gina is pretty much the hottest page on Facebook. You can communicate with a web celeb and not even have to buy nothing. She's sort of the most important person in our lives..and it's not because she stuffs our mouth holes with bear claws every chance she gets.

"Advice with Gina is A cornucopia of relevant information." New York Times

"Gina knows my body, and I can't get enough" John the Landlord

"Finally someone who knows what cat's really need.
They need fried chicken from *EXPLETIVE* Vons... cut into little tiny pieces and mixed with Chicken Temptations in a large bowl.
It's called flavor notes, duh Bitch" O ! Magazine

"Gina always knows which Bachelor contestant is the biggest skank and what gas station to go to for the cheapest cigarettes. A true los Angeles insider." LA Weekly

So go ahead get on yer Facespace and get your Gina on. Cause if your not in it to win it. We pretty much don't want to know your ugly face.
Hey, this could be you....

*Sarah

Not Today, Racist Stereotypes

I am sick of people's stereotypes. I mean for example people are always saying 'Oh Asian people can't rap' and 'Asian people can only do computers and math and stuff. OK people, you know what, maybe that is true, but quit saying that stuff. How dare you try and deny anyone his god given right to clap squat and point on rooftops?! Who is anyone to say anything!
It's a difficult world we live in! Even if you do manage to carve out some small corner of your own somewhere, where you can be yourself and enjoy your life, there's someone waiting just on the other side of the door with an axe and a friggin bullhorn or blog. He is going to shout in your face and tear your house down! He is gonna punch you and knock you down then sit on your face and FARTINYOURFACE. You know how the world is. It's important to fight for what you want, because you are rarely allowed to just have it. Defend your home. Do your raps. Ignore the haters. It's no one else's life! Who is anyone to say anything! Go for it!
-David

Dare 2 Dream

The world as we've known it is going to radically change for the worst in 2012, Scientists are all telling us that, it's a fact. The Star Trek styled future once imagined by previous generations will never happen. So what do we do with our remaining 2 years?
When I was home for the holiday I was at our neighbors house, after hearing that I lived in New York, our neighbors daughter, a full grown woman about 45 years old, asked if I had even been to Times Square for New Year's Eve. She told me it has always been her dream to go to Times Square for News Year Eve.
Some dreams are real hard, like becoming a character on The Hills, falling in love with Brody Jenner and then having your own spin off reality show about you and Brody and the life you are building together, or meeting Robert Pattinson, and becoming a vampire with him, and living for eternity with him in a castle. So most times these challenging dreams are never even attempted let alone realized.
But if you dream means standing outside in the middle of a freezing New York winter for hours, pressed against fellow midwestern tourists, all looking at nothing in particular, then you better get to work and REALIZE THAT DREAM! We only have 2 years left you guys, lets make the most of it.
-David

Baby Daddy, Just a Baby!

You guys it looks like Sarah's Pops has some competition for the 'WORLD'S BEST DAD!' title. How cute right? SO CUTE! I'm gonna get those cheeks. Leeme get those cheeks I'm gonna eat those cheeks. But also scary right? What are those background dancers doing? They shouldn't be doing that. I think I have to go to jail for watching that part. And what the? It gets scary when MINI DADDY starts pointing his finger and making a mean face. Is that supposed to be a gun? That part is scary. Is that racist of me to say? I have so many feelings. Does anyone out there know what he is rapping about? I'm guessing its something about childhood diabeetus?

After doing some more research and cementing my future in jail, I found that apparently this is a cultural thing I didn't understand. Lots of times husky precocious foreign boys rap with overtly sexualized pre-pubescent girls Zanger Bob

-David

Tardy for the Party FTW

I am being totally Rhea Listic when I say that this is my favorite Tardy For The Party rucka rucka REMIX.
I have viewed this youtube gem more than 16 time. The subtle nuances of Rhea listic's mix just resonate with me so much so that I even play the video for background sound. You know when I'm doing other thing such as brushing my teeth, cleaning the cat box and febreezing my gym sneakers. Mostley when plucking my mustache. Thanks Rhea Listic. You go gurl !


Rhea Listic's youtube
http://http//www.youtube.com/user/jrthegreat1

*Sarah

Makeovers Reloaded!

Its time for The Hills' makeovers again. Due to the overwhelming response (only 2 goddamn comments? Come on you guys, seriously) Janet Reno was chosen as the makeover lady this time around. I think she looks lovely before and after! I think i'll stick with a politics there. So whos next?
1) Former Vice Presidentail Candidate, Geraldine Ferraro
2) German Chancellor, Angela Merkel
3) The late fromer Prime Minister of Pakistan, Benazir Bhutto
-David

A Famous Duo

Joanna and myself have been compared to several infamous duo's through out our fun and exiting past. For example some say we are similar to entertainers such as Pen & Teller. Cheech and Chong..Oh also..political figures ....i.e Princess Buttercup and that old hag that neged her.
I feel as though out of those couples we are most like Pen & Teller because we love Vegas first off. and also the comedy, the magic..the hooters chicken wings and the 90's fashion.
Hey Penn.. Yea boyee. i still wear mine long in the back. don't hate.

*Sarah

Thats It

Forget it. As far as internet videos go this was perfect.
Even if that is actually K.D. Lang ageing backwards a la Benjamin Button into that kid from Jerry Maguire, I dont care.
-David

Buh Buh Buh Buhtter Face

This may be a controversial subject. What do you guys think of Lady Gaga? I've been torn on the subject but I have made up my mind now. I have to finally break my silence. I always appreciated that Lady Gaga wasn't what you call classically beautiful. And I thought hey, at least she wears some effed up things. I rationalized that's better then the boring junk Britney or Xtina will wear. But despite all this I have now decided she is mad corny. Corny as her wack name.

I will give her this: her bikini waxes are ALWAYS on point.

-David