Lady Cries Over In-N-Out

Okay she's crying because shes happy? I’m not sure if you’ve ever been to an In-N-Out, the very popular west coast fast food burger chain, but I would like to tell you something about it. In-N-Out is not that great. “Yes it is, it’s the best!” – You, everyone, everyone in the world ever. No it’s not! I’m sorry to have to blow the lid off of the whole In-N-Out situation, but guys — those are just normal burgers. They taste and look normal. Also the fries are normal, if not a little worse than normal. It’s (I guess) better than other fast food burger chains, but that’s not a very difficult thing to be and let’s not get crazy. I mean, certainly I’m happy for you if it makes you very happy, like this woman in the video. That’s great. I wish anything non-alcoholic that I could buy for fewer than $5 could make me that happy. She’s going to eat so many burgers now and she won’t even have to go very far to do it and I do hope she cries every time. But I can’t stand idly by. Those burgers are normal burgers. In fact, MOST burgers are normal burgers. They taste like meat + the thing you put on them. I rest my case.

I’m surprised he can eat after getting stung by what looks like 10,000 bees.

A Thin Crust of Hope: The Susan Guy Story

Pizza is the best. If you don’t agree with that statement then please do not read this site.

AND DON’T LET THE BLOG HIT YOU ON THE WAY OUT.

It is so delicious! With the cheese and the toppings and the sauce and the cheese and the toppings and the pizza. Yum! Yum!

My Uncle used to say that pizza was the perfect food because it included each of the four food groups, and he’s a medical doctor! So it should come as no surprise that pizza is a life-saver. Of course it is! Admittedly, it is not a life-saver the way that, you know, medicine is a life-saver. And apparently the only way it can save your life is if you call the same pizza place every morning and order the exact same thing (large pepperoni pizza and two Diet Cokes) in a small town where that is an easily noticeable event, and where the employees of your local pizza place are actual real employees and not would-be dancers or poets or something, too wrapped up in their hopeless DREAMS to care about you. And it should be noted that consuming a large pepperoni pizza and two Diet Cokes every day does have some side effects, but what medical treatment plan is without side-effects?! None medical treatment plans!

THANK YOU, DR. PIZZA, FOR SAVING A WOMAN’S LIFE!

Im sure that when I am 82 I'll order and eat a large pepperoni pizza everyday. I like how she gets DIET coke. Regular Coke is just empty calories.

-David

Source: GM

And Club And Club

Look whos on the scene. Theres a new boyfriend for Joan- he meets all requirements.
1) loves to club
2) is a DJ, can get her into kewl clubs
3) has eccentric hair style
4) not "conventionally" attractive
5) old
Just kidding, no seriously, JK

-David

I've Found My Spirit Animal

Is anyone suprised that the owner of this animal feeds him graham crackers on a leopard print blanket? Because I'm not suprised.
-David

Go Go Jo

I’m not sure what attracted me to Rick first, whether it was the complete lack of self-awareness, the embodiment of a grotesque 1970s-era sexuality, or the damp slick of death that slid from his pores, but I am definitely very attracted to him, love him, have sex with him, want to marry him, share all my secrets with him, and just wish I could live inside him forever.”
– Joan Skumanich 1974-2012

Hold Me

Sometimes, on Valentine's Day, a boyfriend or girlfriend might be a terrible joke, like, "I wish every day could be Valentime's Day!" What people don't realize is that for the lonelies who hate that day, every day kind of IS Valentine's Day. You know what I mean? What I'm trying to say is, oh look! Someone on Etsy has made a lifelike Robert Pattinson body pillow. Obviously, we know what the person who is buying this pillow is thinking. She is thinking: "regardless of the fact that I may be far too old for my romantic fetishization of an adolescent actor representing a mythological metaphor for sexual anxiety, I still feel what I feel, and this is my bedroom, my safe space, I am going to do what I want as long as it makes me happy, or at least temporarily eases this dark and pervasive abyss that is my experience as a human being doomed to wander the Earth."

-David

When Dreams Come True

Pretty much nobody watches Saturday Night Live anymore, it's not that it's a bad show. It's just that it's on too late. If it was on more like 8pm on Saturday, and just was a half hour long, then I would be watching it. But anyway we live in the future, we don't have to WATCH TV to watch TV. We can look at it on the Internet! That's how I mostly do, and boy did it pay off for me today.
Proof that THE SECRET works: Jon Hamm dancing in jean shorts, right out of my dreams and into real life! As a modern wordsmith once said:
"I like that, I like that, twerk that back, twerk that back"
-David

Toon Time

Anyone who knows me knows I love cats, being alone, and reading the web. Reading the web for some people would be work, but you know for me, its a labour of love. Follow your passion you know? And that passion, whoops, leads me to TasteofPoisonParadise, a NSFW site where Disney characters are undressed. The weird part (lots of wierd parts to this site) is that it turns out all the toons wear briefs, boxer briefs or jockstraps.
-David

Egg Scuse Me ?

Whoa Today i think i feel like eating a boiled egg in the shape of a cute bunny head.
If only life was that easy? This bunny egg mold reminds me of the vintage egg cuber i bestowed unto Hellington in the year 2005. it's true friends give friends egg molds.
See egg cuber pictured above.

*Sarah


via justbento

Just Desserts!

WARNING! I cannot be sure how many points this piece of cake has. But is is mad good. As gross as it looks, it is to the max delicious.
1 (18.25 ounce) package German chocolate cake mix ( I used Betty Crocker)
1 (18.25 ounce) package white cake mix (also Betty Crocker)
2 (3.5 ounce) packages instant vanilla pudding mix (Jell-0 Brand)
1 (12 ounce) package Milano cookies (How decadent!)
3 drops green food coloring
1 (12 ounce) package tootsie rolls (the big kind, not the short ones)

DIRECTIONS
Prepare cake mixes and bake according to package directions (any size pan b/c you will be cutting it up later).
Prepare pudding according to package directions and chill until ready to assemble.
Crumble cookies in small batches in a food processor or just mash 'em in a bowl, scraping often. Set aside all but 1/4 cup. To the 1/4 cup add a few drops of green food coloring and mix.
When the cakes are cooled to room temperature, crumble them into a large bowl. Toss with 1/2 of the remaining cookie crumbs, and the chilled pudding. You probably won't need all of the pudding, you want the cake to be just moist, not soggy.
Make sure you are using a brand new unused kitty litter box. Put cake mixture into box.
Put half of the unwrapped tootsie rolls in a microwave safe dish and heat until softened (you can also do this in a regular oven). Shape the ends so that they are no longer blunt, and curve the tootsie rolls slightly (check the real litter box to see how cat poops look). Bury tootsie rolls randomly in the cake and sprinkle with half of the remaining cookie crumbs. Sprinkle a small amount of the green colored cookie crumbs lightly over the top.
Heat 3 or 4 of the tootsie rolls in the microwave until almost melted. Scrape them on top of the cake and sprinkle lightly with some of the green cookie crumbs. Heat the remaining tootsie rolls until pliable and shape as before. Spread all but one randomly over top of cake mixture. Sprinkle with any remaining cookie crumbs. Hang the remaining tootsie roll over side of litter box and sprinkle with a few green cookie crumbs. Serve with the pooper scooper!

If You Like It Then You Shoulda

Burgers! Everyone loves to eat em, put em on their heads, even wear them. Not suprising, the Japanese have figured out people want them as jewely too. Of course! The most brilliant part about this is the wearer can customize how she or he wants his burger. For me, no tomatos and if you're Atkins oriented, no bun.
Ring $192.00 (extra toppings around $32.00)
via Q.POT
-David

Terminator Secrets Revealed

Dag, Mondays would be easier if I had a robot hunk to do my bidding.

-David

Some Benjamin Buttons Sh*t

Sneak a peek at the movie magic that made Brad Pitt mad old for  the Benjamin Button movie. I tell you what, I dont care how old Brad Pitt gets- he looks delish to me (even with that beret he is always wearing).

-David