This Sht Will Blow Ur Mutha Effin' Mind

Its a whole new me. Most times I find a way to see the worst in things. But some things are too pure and good and there is no worst to even see in them. Things like Dolly Parton, RuPaul, Baby Animals, these things are unscornable. Also unscornable, Insane Clown Posse's Miracles. Haha. I can’t even say anything bad about this video. I sincerely wish I was able to recognize all the miracles that this bitch has to offer.
-David

Hold Me

Sometimes, on Valentine's Day, a boyfriend or girlfriend might be a terrible joke, like, "I wish every day could be Valentime's Day!" What people don't realize is that for the lonelies who hate that day, every day kind of IS Valentine's Day. You know what I mean? What I'm trying to say is, oh look! Someone on Etsy has made a lifelike Robert Pattinson body pillow. Obviously, we know what the person who is buying this pillow is thinking. She is thinking: "regardless of the fact that I may be far too old for my romantic fetishization of an adolescent actor representing a mythological metaphor for sexual anxiety, I still feel what I feel, and this is my bedroom, my safe space, I am going to do what I want as long as it makes me happy, or at least temporarily eases this dark and pervasive abyss that is my experience as a human being doomed to wander the Earth."

-David

Toon Time

Anyone who knows me knows I love cats, being alone, and reading the web. Reading the web for some people would be work, but you know for me, its a labour of love. Follow your passion you know? And that passion, whoops, leads me to TasteofPoisonParadise, a NSFW site where Disney characters are undressed. The weird part (lots of wierd parts to this site) is that it turns out all the toons wear briefs, boxer briefs or jockstraps.
-David

GROSS!

I was hanging out with my good friend, Fancy, and her boyfriend, Thomas, the other day. And all they did was makeout the entire time. Seriously you guys, I'm sitting right next to you. As Stephanie Tanner would say:"HOW RUDE!"

We Love Halloween!

Since I have been 'working from home' I have had a chance to catch up on my Maury. Whats going on here? All it is paternity tests! I remember the glory days of Maury, the holy trinity of Sylvia Brown, Man or Woman?!?! and Maury Help! I'm Housebound and Morbidly Obese episodes.
I have been all up on YouTube trying to show you guys what I mean. Let me explain Maury’s “MAN OR WOMAN?!?!” episodes! Those are the ones where Maury brings out a bunch of male-to-female transsexuals and a bunch of slightly masculine biological women, and the audience would shout things like, “DAS A MAN!!! LOOK AT DAT!!! DAS A MAAAAAN!!! And wave their arms wildly to point out evidence to the Maury Sexuality court such as: LOOK AT DAT ADAM’S APPLE!!!!! MAAAAAN! CHICK WITH A DIIIIIIICK! DAS A MAAAAN!”
Unfortunately this is the best quality "MAN OR WOMAN?!?!" episode I could find. This one aired on Halloween, because gender identity is scary
-David

GET OFF! No seriously get off that horse, you're crushing it.

OMFG! We have covered all kinds of sick porn things, but the grossest of all is when animals are getting hurt. Have you ever seen a horse more sickly than this? Where is his mane? And is that a bunch of flies in his face? These stupid ladies are crushing him. Not OK. I am ready to beat their butts. I wanna crawl in the web and personally give each of these women the John Cena STFU. I am writing an angry internet letter to ridevideos@aol.com about this for sure. :-(
via nudehorsebackriding.com
-David

No Shame In [His] Game

Holy Smokes. That show Lockup is the worst, why do I watch it? Why do I do hurt myself that way? It always freaks me the eff out. They should put this guy in charge of the “Scared Straight” program cause he is in your prisons, rapin’ all your men!
-David

I'm Gonna Hump That?

This is a clip from a documentary I saw, I think it was on the Discovery Channel. People who sexually love objects! Tupperware, fans, globes, washing machines, spaceships, EVEN THE TWIN TOWERS! Again barriers are being broken, I was under the impression only men were creppy perverts.
Yay feminism!
-David

Smooth Operator

Earlier in the park I over heard a guy use the old “Come here often?” line on a girl next to me.
Except he was vaguely European or something so he actually said: “Do you often to come here?”
And then I snorted my protein shake out my nose for the second time this week.
-David

Attention America

-David

There Goes The Neighborhood

I made a promise to myself: no more weird gay porn posts. Sounds easy enough, but I can't stay silent on the subject when there are things like THIS existing in the web world! I had no idea how diverse centaurs could be. Did you know there are Polartaurs, Foxataurs, Girltaurs and of course the boytaurs (above). There are zillions more, if you can think of it, there is probably someone thinking about humping that very thing, and photoshopping it into a 'taur'.
I figured I would try my hand at a few:
A Homertaur
A Sarahtaur
A Kittentaur
-David

Always With The Gay Porn, Seriously

Why is this happening to me? Alls I wanna do is a google image search for poodles- find a funny image and blog about it. I wasn't looking for hardcore gay erotic dog art. Seriously, I wasn't. But here it is, staring me in the face. This stuff finds me! But i'm not complaining. At least I don't have a job anymore, where this kinda stuff would mad embarass me. I am free to browse all the hardcore gay dog erotic art I want. Not that I want, because I don't want.

via robclarke.com (NSFW)

-David

The Webs We Weave

How does a spider catch a fly? With its web. Well, a lady isn't born with a web, but she can get one (web dress) and catch herself a guy (or whatever she wants, no judgements). Bodywebs.com is really something you need to see no matter who you wanna catch. The site is kooky OK (there is a page that plainly informs visitors the bussiness is operated from a mobile home in a nudist camp). But some of the fashions on there are stone cold chic.As Gina says (this is one of her highest forms of flattery) 'it looks designer'. Though I am still not 100% decided on which menswear piece would suit me best.

-David

Pooh Please

Shoot, please think about this before you click through to the uncensored version.

via the Internet is Terrible

-David

"Its Technically More of a Lifestyle"- Some Guy in a Hat

Listen everybody knows Toni Braxton can really get a lady in the mood. Light a few candles, sprinkle some carnations around the room, buy some doritos from the hotel vending machine to seductively snack on, even rub some lotion on your feets PHEW! Things can get heated.

I can't blame this animal lady (she is a skunk?) for wanting to get her freak on.

-David