Excuse Me Bitches

Excuse me bitches in the back. Wipe those stink faces off your faces.

What can you do. Haters gon' hate.

-David

This Just In

Mom did a great job on the cinematography. The zooms were magical.

via [bestweekever]

The Worst Got Worse

For once, I kind of appreciate YouTube commenters’ ability to just get right to it:

The Worst Day

The only thing this tattoo needs is 'BLACK EYED PEAS 10' and its oficially the worst thing ever.

The End of an Era, is Keenan Done?

Between this and his lip-dub, with 50 Cents, I’m getting pretty worried about Keenan, you guys. He used to be one of the hardest syncers in the game, but now he is just straight up mocking his former self with this blah-blah-blah laziness. And, uh, I mean, uh, what is going on with the whole, you know DIAMONDS ON HIS FACE AND ALSO WHATS GOING ON WITH THEM CLOTHES?

What is going on here?
Obviously our prayers are with Keenan and his family in this difficult time. Everyone is pulling for you, buddy!

Dances with Old Ladies

A lot of people think that if they could mix and match characteristics and traits from all of their previous relationships, just cherry pick their favorite things about each person that they’ve been with, that they could create the ideal mate. She would have this one’s sense of humor, and that one’s body, and this one’s face, and that one’s career, and this one’s fashion sense, and that one’s parents, and this one’s apartment, and that one’s political views, and on and on until I had the girl of my dreams. But there are two problems with this plan, in addition to the fact that the technology just isn’t there (yet) to make it realistic. First of all, it overlooks the excitement and unpredictability of meeting someone wholly new and learning about them. And second of all, what if it turns out that there’s something you’d really be into that you didn’t even know was an option? Like maybe it turns out you’re really into white middle-aged women who spin around in circles with a video camera and recite horrible, awful poetry about dancing naked in the rain? What if that’s what you’re into, as it turns out that I am very into?”

Put a ring on it. And some fucking clothes

-David

Rapz

Of course all rap music just sounds like just plain noise to me, and I prefer the smooth stylings of Benny Goodman, but even I notice that this music gets worse when foreign people try to do it.

David

Hair Do

Who let the dawgs out! Who Who Who Who Who?!
Yo cool broheims who think when you grow up you should be allowed to wear jeans to work but that doesn’t mean you won’t work really hard and girls who are empowered by their budding sexuality, which comes from hormones, which are going crazy in all of your bodies right now. It’s been awhile since we’ve kicked it old school, but now we’re slanging on the flippity flop like a bunch of BFFFFs because school is back in sesh, and there’s lots of cool stuff to gossip girls about. XOXOXBOXPS3.
One thing that’s super wicked dope is the new Willow Smith video for “Whip My Hair.” OMGod. Did you see it yet? I saw it over in the cafeteria and right away I had to go to my locker and SEXT my Facebooks about it. It’s megaNEAT. Did you know she’s only nine years old? That’s, like, younger than a tween even. TWEENS RULEZ. You can check the video out after the jump, although I’m sure you already totally downloaded it onto your ZunePad. Dope chill.

Control That Face

Anotha one and anotha one. Dag this kid keeps droppin killer lipsync videos. He has the illest lipsync videos in the game son. Aww snap. I am beginning to suspect he is not human and is just a realistic puppet.

David

Not Mad at Dat

Cache Rules Everything Around Me from Evan Roth on Vimeo.

There are two (and only two, probably) things that I like in this world: Girl Talk and animated GIFS. So you can imagine how this makes me feel.

America's Got Faces

Oh Snap.
All the faces up in here. He has mad expanded his vocabulary of faces.

-David

Gaborey Sidibe's Mom Auditions for America's Got Talent

I suppose “Stop it, mom, you’re embarrassing me” is still way better than “Stop it, mom, you’re raping me.”

-David

They Rapin' Evabody Out Here

I’ve got mixed feelings about the Antoine Dodson meme. I didnt blog about it at first thats how conflicted I was. Dont think I didnt know about it.
I Knew about it.
It’s just hard to understand the motives of the original news team in including him in their report, and it’s hard to understand the motives of the Internet (always) in spreading the clip. But mixed feelings is the right word, because motives and ebonics aside, he is funny. And funny sells. It’s not nearly as blatant and terrible as Epic Beard Man. What was WITH you guys on that one? “It’s hilarious how that overtly racist old man punches a black man in the face.” Cool. Finger on the pulse. We are getting off track. All of us, we all share an equal responsibility in taking this conversation off track. Back on track: every meme would probably–almost certainly–benefit from getting a marching band involved, and the Antoine Dodson meme is no exception.
So here below is the marching band version of the “Bed Intruder Song,”

-David

Let Em Know

Ok this is pretty good. However, the single greatest thing I’ve ever seen was the sign-language interpreter at a Michigan gay pride celebration a bunch of years ago, signing and miming along to a song whose entire, repetitive lyrics went: “P*ssy chugger, I’m chugging on your p*ssy.” She was a huge, sassy lady and put a lot of backbone into it. Alas, she set the bar pretty high.

-David

The End is Nigh

CopperCab's prophecy has come true.

-David

Music To Everybodys Ears

The internet radio station Pandora.com probably knows me better then anyone else. How else could you explain the infinite wisdom Pandora showed when it introduced me to the musical revelation of Israel Kamakawiwo'ole! His voice is like a cool Hawiian breeze in my ears!! Attention Dolly Parton, Liza, RuPaul and Martha Wash, you all are bout to have some new company on my wall of musical muses.
Your welcome!
-David

This Sht Will Blow Ur Mutha Effin' Mind

Its a whole new me. Most times I find a way to see the worst in things. But some things are too pure and good and there is no worst to even see in them. Things like Dolly Parton, RuPaul, Baby Animals, these things are unscornable. Also unscornable, Insane Clown Posse's Miracles. Haha. I can’t even say anything bad about this video. I sincerely wish I was able to recognize all the miracles that this bitch has to offer.
-David

Family Friends

I get it, they are pretty much the Irish Die Antwoord.

-David

The Worst Eyed Peas

Not to be a hater, but I freakin' hate the Black Eyed Peas. Usually when I post a long video like this, I would ask you guys to watch the whole thing. Not here. Don't bother. This mother is like ten minutes long, and its terrible, every minute of it. Basically the Black Eyed Peas are in the future, Fergie is doing a wack Beyonce single ladies impression, and there are some Terminator 3 Salvation: Rise of the Machines walking around. Thats pretty much it.
The only thing worse then this actual video is the realization that for the rest of the year I will be hearing all the garbage people in my neighborhood mumbling the chorus "I'ma be, I'ma be". I know there is something to be said for the power of positive thinking but, if you're a Black Eyed Peas fan, you're pretty much not gonna be doing nothing. Just sayin'.

P.S. Fergie is right when she said at the beginning of the video that you guys are not robots, because robots are just sophisticated machines, they are not stupid assholes who think every day is Halloween and The Matrix just came out.
-David

Next Level Beatz

The music young people listen to nowadays just sounds like noise to me. I don't know what happened to real musicians from my day like Benny Goodman. Now that was something you could tap your toe to. Now singers want to wear these unflattering hair dos and do crazy voices and they keep getting in my face, get out of my face. I have enough people in my face most times. I do not want faces coming at me in my youtubes (with some exceptions).
All that said, I seen this group Die Antwoord and they aren't so bad, they have some real neat outfits and it looks to me they maybe have a Primordial Dwarf in the mix. That dude either is a PMD, or he has Progeria, that accelerated aging disease. Anyway something is up with that guy and I wish he would put a shirt on for crissakes. The rest of the group also looks a little strange, like a mix of the people from Gummo and Deliverance . Just sayin. I am not holding it against them. They are from South Africa, I guess thats how everyone looks there.
-David