Excuse Me Bitches

Excuse me bitches in the back. Wipe those stink faces off your faces.

What can you do. Haters gon' hate.

-David

Insanity

Missy Misdemeanor Elliot is making Vlogs now I guess

-David

The Universe is filled with limitless possibilities. The future is unknowable. Who will we be, where will we be? But sometimes the planets align in The Universe, and for just one brief moment (or 1:36) we might catch a glimpse of our future selves.

In the video above I've caught a glimpse of who i'll be, and where i'll be. And I dont like it.

2012 cant come soon enough

Rapz

Of course all rap music just sounds like just plain noise to me, and I prefer the smooth stylings of Benny Goodman, but even I notice that this music gets worse when foreign people try to do it.

David

Fifty Face

weve seen these faces before. But now a famous face is added. There are a couple of problems with this. For one, Keenan seems to really be phoning it in in the Lip Dept. What’s going on there, Keenan? That shit lines up with the actual words, like, four times throughout. The rest is just “rhubarb rhubarb peas and carrots.” I know how sloppy lipsynching is done. I watch Drag Race! Don’t be an extra in your own movie, Keenan. The second problem is that I think this was made for Chelsea Lately, and while there’s nothing inherently wrong about a television show getting in (late) on a meme, I don’t trust (or particularly like) Chelsea Handler. Her intentions seem questionable to say the least. I don’t know Chelsea Handler personally, but none of the choices she make ever seem particularly fun? They all seem based on some kind of misguided black hole that’s growing deep at the core of her self-loathing.
All of that being said, I REALLY wish Keenan had his own show called Good Morning, Keenan! where he made lip dubs with other pop singers and then showed you how to make a low-cal Thanksgiving costume for your pet before their wedding. We could watch it together every morning, LIKE A FAMILY.

-David

Haters Gon' Hate Part II TOKYO DRIFT

The fact remains Haters Gonna Hate

-David

I Like Dat

If I knew how to make gifs from videos, I would make one of the guy doing the side-swipe move from :17 to :21. And I would look at it every day for the rest of my life until 2012.

They Rapin' Evabody Out Here

I’ve got mixed feelings about the Antoine Dodson meme. I didnt blog about it at first thats how conflicted I was. Dont think I didnt know about it.
I Knew about it.
It’s just hard to understand the motives of the original news team in including him in their report, and it’s hard to understand the motives of the Internet (always) in spreading the clip. But mixed feelings is the right word, because motives and ebonics aside, he is funny. And funny sells. It’s not nearly as blatant and terrible as Epic Beard Man. What was WITH you guys on that one? “It’s hilarious how that overtly racist old man punches a black man in the face.” Cool. Finger on the pulse. We are getting off track. All of us, we all share an equal responsibility in taking this conversation off track. Back on track: every meme would probably–almost certainly–benefit from getting a marching band involved, and the Antoine Dodson meme is no exception.
So here below is the marching band version of the “Bed Intruder Song,”

-David

You Win Some

You know how dance battles are, sometimes you win, most times you lose. But when other people are dancing- you pretty much always win. This is one of those winning times. You go you guys!

-David

There She Go

She’s a new mom from Cambridge, MA, who teaches pottery and loves hiking.

-David

Going the Hardest

I remember when I was young, white and in the suburbs. I just idolized rappers soooo much. I mean, shooting people in the head while getting your dick sucked while snorting a line while flipping off a police officer while laying down a hit vocal track in the studio. I mean, what else should I have idolized? All that stuff is so great. And turns out, I did become a rapper when I grew up, so follow your dreams, kids!

-David

Thats My Bieber

Wazzzup coolios!
Yo cool dudes who know that drugs are a dangerous distraction from achieving your career goals and awesome girls who like a guy with career goals and also have career goals themselves: today I want to rap at you about something pretty important. Safe sex Love. I’m no talking about the love that you get from your parents, which is awesome, and you shouldn’t take it for granted, and you should respect your parents, because respect is dope. I’m talking about the romantic love like you see in the movies and hear in the songs. P’ZONE!
Your body is going through a lot of changes right now, and you’re probably feeling pretty confused. It’s all very exciting and very scary. Hey dog, I’ve been there, dude. And because you’re a little adult now, I’m going to treat you like a little adult, and let you know that the desperate search for everlasting love doesn’t end when you graduate. SoBe Pina Colada Lizz Blizz. That’s life, brosef. Broheim. Bromanator. It’s the same for everyone. Even my main man, Justin Bieber (whatup Justin Bieber fist pound!). Don’t believe me, XBox_92? Check this out

-David

Juggalos walk (or more like sleep and watch TV) among us.
-David

For Your Own Good

I know you guys are busy. Kids today, they are always sexting or cyber bullying someone on their facepages- I know whats up. I know how you guys do. It's like nobody has time for anything these days. Why won't anybody sit down together for a nice meal and watch YouTube with me? Instead everyone is squeezing Dannon Go-gurts into their open mouths and off somewhere on their Segways. It would be nice if you would STOP for just 3 minutes and watch this video.

NO FAST FORWARDING. I know British people and their wack accents are insufferable but you need this. OK you guys? Stay with it. That is some M. Night Shamalan sh*t right there

-David

Not Today, Racist Stereotypes

I am sick of people's stereotypes. I mean for example people are always saying 'Oh Asian people can't rap' and 'Asian people can only do computers and math and stuff. OK people, you know what, maybe that is true, but quit saying that stuff. How dare you try and deny anyone his god given right to clap squat and point on rooftops?! Who is anyone to say anything!
It's a difficult world we live in! Even if you do manage to carve out some small corner of your own somewhere, where you can be yourself and enjoy your life, there's someone waiting just on the other side of the door with an axe and a friggin bullhorn or blog. He is going to shout in your face and tear your house down! He is gonna punch you and knock you down then sit on your face and FARTINYOURFACE. You know how the world is. It's important to fight for what you want, because you are rarely allowed to just have it. Defend your home. Do your raps. Ignore the haters. It's no one else's life! Who is anyone to say anything! Go for it!
-David

You've Failed Me

I just don't think its fair that I have been using The Secret for weeks now, and I still haven't gotten a diamond Garfield pendant.
via eatliver.com
-David

Looks Good

The Looks, a sweet music blog published from north Jersey, has Bert and Ernie as their mascots. How figgin cute is that?! They also have a wide selection of great jamz, check them out. You're welcome!
via the looks
-David

Now Thats What I Call Rap

If you think ventriloquist clowns who rap mad christian lyrics along side a monkey puppet companion are wackadoo, man, are you right. Listen to some of the wisdom Ribbons is laying down. Christian testimony like: "...no sickness, disease or tragedy to teach humble or get glory." What?! Maybe Sarah should start writing Christian raps because apparently you don't have to make sense or rhyme. She already has the silly glasses.
-David