The Audience Reaction to Oprah's "Favorite Things" is my favorite thing

At this point, it’s kind of a worn-out to say that you wish that you cared half as much about something in your life as someone in a YouTube video who cares way too much. For one thing, it’s a lie. It aims to paint whoever says it as a miserable husk of a human being while the truth of the matter is that miserable husks of human beings don’t TALK ABOUT IT VERY MUCH.

They mostly sit silently on a cat-hair-covered easy chair that smells like mold and drink alcohol from a novelty glass from Bubba Gump's restaurant in Times Square.

But it is true that there is something ineffable and jealous-making about people expressing PURE unbridled joy. We are all so clever and cool headed, we know that showing emotion is for NERDS. Cool kids are like “I would smile but then the cigarette that is dangling in the corner of my mouth would fall into the coffee that I take black.” But it’s not so much that I’m jealous of the people in this video (an amazing five-minute montage of all the audience reactions at Oprah’s two part 2010 “Favorite Things” episode) for having the ability to access an enthusiasm that I haven’t experienced in years or maybe ever.

I’m jealous of the people in this video FOR GETTING TO GO TO OPRAH’S “FAVORITE THINGS” EPISODE. Are you kidding? That shit is bananas. MY HEAD WOULD FUCKING FALL OFF IF ONLY.

David

Good Morning

First thing Monday morning is a perfectly reasonable time to be reminded that we have to get out there and fight for what we want, you guys. Which, apparently, is to be the best at our jobs as salesmen of something. I did not know this, but did you know that we are all in a sales business? I never knew! Always Be Knowing That, you guys. Coffee is for people who knew that. Are you amped? Let’s just get a quick show of hands to see who is and who is not AMPED.

David

I Do What I Do!

I'm glad that worked out for you. Sorry you have shoulders like a man.
-David

Not trying to start any trouble, but that cat is too long. Seriously. It’s too long! Whatever. Don’t get so mad when someone tells you the truth. (Via Urlesque.)
-David

Troubled Water

Some people say that this is a video taken in the dining hall of a cruise ship during mad rough seas, and some people say that it is a VISUAL METAPHOR FOR LIFE! Mmmkay? Because in life, as you may know, sometimes we are tossed around by forces beyond our control. One second we are holding onto an overturned cash register, and the next thing we know, we and the register both are flying across the room, and uh oh, look out, here comes ALL THE CHAIRS!
Eventually, one hopes, the skies clear and the ship of LIFE rights itself, and we cruise through crystal blue waters, the sun beating down on our shoulders, and we barely even remember the part where the overweight security guard was holding onto a support beam and screaming at people to return to their rooms. Of course, that is even more metaphorical, since we don’t have a video of a cruise ship on calm waters.
We only have a video of a cruise ship on rough waters. But I am pretty sure that in LIFE as in CRUISE SHIPS, there are both. Plus that in life, as well as in cruise ships, troubled water is best navigated from behind the bar!

Back it Up

Sorry about those robbers. However, the real crime is that she isn’t called upon to bear witness to EVERYTHING. “Eccentric Witness Describes…” could be a whole series.
Via Dlisted

-David

Style Has No Size

I think it was Marilyn Monroe or some sh!t who said, "if you're gonna show some mad legs, then keep your arms covered, and if youre showing arms and shoulders, cover them legs". Well the same logic applies to big gurls who may try to cover up everything. Dont do it big gurls, dont cover yourselves all up ALL of them curves. Let the menz see some shoulder, or let them see some legs, but dont't go crazy with that, dont give em both at once. This applies to skinny b*tches too, but seriously f#ck skinny bitches anyway.
-David

Not So Fast Advertising

LOL. Sorry, K-Swiss. You were right in thinking that I really like Danny McBride and Kenny Powers and Eastbound and Down and you were right that by using these things to promote your product I would be more inclined to pay attention to what you were trying to sell, but guess what?
I’m still not going to buy your garbage shoes that look like a joke from some early ’90s movie about “the future” . Tubes? Fuck out of here.

David

You know what I hate? Child abduction. Hate it! Yuck! Oh, child abduction is the worst. I have always felt this way. You can go through everything I have ever written or said in my entire life (although stay out of my thoughts, you precogs!) and you will never find me arguing in FAVOR of child abduction. “David? He is firmly and publicly against child abduction” is the kind of thing someone might say about me, if asked about my thoughts and/or opinions on the violent kidnapping of innocent children. My motto is “Children should be seen, not heard, nor abducted.” Anyway, I’m belaboring the point now, but I think you get it: thumbs down, kidnappers. Boo! Get off the van!
That being said, I also hate this amber alert PSA in which a bunch of “moms” shoot automatic weapons in slow motion while making screamy faces. Yikes. You guys, I’m worried about these moms!
As horrible and scary as child abduction (which I hate!) is, human beings shooting automatic weapons is also horrible and scary. Regardless of how ill-fitting their pants and sweaters are! Of course, the worst part about this ad is that the whole thing comes laced with a heavy layer of irony (moms and mom jeans and action guns and heavy music and slow-motion and an aesthetically modern background) and personally, when it comes to child abduction, which I abhor and will always abhor no matter how strong your pro-child abduction argument may be, irony has no place. Child abduction is one of the few things in this world that remains irony-free. Because of how, you know, it is entirely terrible.

-David

Hopsital Boyfriend

There is a delicate formula needed in caclulating how delish someone is, or even if they are delish at all. Like for example this guy is good looking, but he has that horrible Australian accent and calls The Hospital just 'Hospital', and calls a cooler an 'Eskie'. Verdict- not delish. Ashton Kutcher is handsome but also is a wack tweeting hollywierdo. Verdict- not delish. When you break most things down and really weigh the pros and cons out on paper you'll find not only most things are not delish, most things are terrible.

-David

There Are No Words

You need to understand that our comedian here is what you call a physical comedian. He expresses himself with his physicality in the tradition of Chris Farley and Jim Carey. His body is his instrument, as integral to his act as the hilarious and relateable stories he tells. It is only natural that he, as any artist, would work to push his art further, and test his (and our boundaries. Sometimes that can mean nudity, so get ready for it.
Very interesting stuff is going on here, and I don't understand it. When I said I would watch all the parts of his comedy act (so far 63) I didn't realize it would be so emotionally exhausting.
-David

Haters Gon' Hate

If the Internet is good for one thing, its finding adult oriented pictures that appeal to your specific and unusual tastes. If its good for TWO things, its for finding adult oriented pictures, and addressing the haters.
Everyone knows haters love the Internet. They are usually on there looking for those adult oriented pictures, and when they aren't doing that, they are hating on things. It was only a matter of time before one of these haters surfed over here to this blog. Well its finally happened. Now I want to take a moment to break my silence about the anonymous commenter who has brought his or her hate to our little corner of the web. You know what, this hating stuff might be fine on youtube or 4chan, but not here. This; is a safe space. I will not be intimidated. I will not quit blogging and I will keep doing this forever no matter what (until I quit, but it wont be because of haters, it will be because medicating my sick cats takes up all my time).
-David

"Hi Guys"- that one Comedian

Where has the time gone? Look at this I turn around not even 2 weeks later and he is already doing part 52 of his comedy series? I have no problem with that. I will watch all the parts. As he humps the air and goes on about the experience of buying lube, I stop hearing what he is saying and slip into a trance, like Raven from TV's That's So Raven.
Also, I should say LOL.
His nipples are rock hard the whole entire time.
-David

Back To The Cats

The world is nothing: a pointless accident, a mechanical chaos of casual brute enmity on which we stupidly impose our hopes and fears. Each one of us exist singularly, absolutely alone. All the rest, what you see around you, is merely what pushes you, or what you push against, blindly- as blindly as all that is not you, pushes back. You create the universe blink by blink. An ugly god pitifully dying in an empty space. So, lets go back to the basics: Cat Videos. Here we have a lovely tortoiseshell meowing and being groomed. I am not sure if she is pissed or happy, but I am sure she is cute and is just a baby.

-David

Not Today, Racist Stereotypes

I am sick of people's stereotypes. I mean for example people are always saying 'Oh Asian people can't rap' and 'Asian people can only do computers and math and stuff. OK people, you know what, maybe that is true, but quit saying that stuff. How dare you try and deny anyone his god given right to clap squat and point on rooftops?! Who is anyone to say anything!
It's a difficult world we live in! Even if you do manage to carve out some small corner of your own somewhere, where you can be yourself and enjoy your life, there's someone waiting just on the other side of the door with an axe and a friggin bullhorn or blog. He is going to shout in your face and tear your house down! He is gonna punch you and knock you down then sit on your face and FARTINYOURFACE. You know how the world is. It's important to fight for what you want, because you are rarely allowed to just have it. Defend your home. Do your raps. Ignore the haters. It's no one else's life! Who is anyone to say anything! Go for it!
-David

Stupid French People

This video brings me to a topic I have been looking to broach for weeks now. So I'll just go ahead and broach it. Lets be clear, I'm not I'm a hater, I'll say that right now. I recognize this video is from the 70s or some shit, and thats part of the reason it looks wack. But there is a bigger problem with this video, a problem that goes beyond time, and I'm gonna talk about it, and in examining this problem we have to look an even bigger problem, France.

OK back to the video. lets consider the video. The costumes, wack, the special effects, wack- but I will give a PASS to both these issues of wackness due to the fact that this video was made in the 70s. This is also sort of how 70s American TV shows looked. The real problem is what the heck kind of Star Wars spoof (I'm being generous here) leaves out Han Solo or Obi Wan Kenobi?! I dont even know who those characters are, I think one was Harrison Ford, but I'm not sure, anyway I know that there was more to the story then that robot and Darth Vader! French people either get it right or make your own entertainment. That is the problem!

Which leads us to the bigger issue, France in general is wack. Here are some FACTS

French men often have gay ass names like Marie
French people all smoke a ton, and do it everywhere
The French are wusses and have lost about every war they were involved in
They have created no good TV shows ever, they are all unfunny
I could go on, but this isn't Xenophobic Vintage. Its OHHAI VINTAGE, so I will work on finding more videos and pictures that relate to fashion and animals.

-David

Please Trust Me, You Guys

This is a long video you guys, but you'll need to watch all of it. Theres something to be learned here. Life isn't getting any easier, things are only getting worse, then, in 2012, it's gonna all be over. If the recent events in Haiti have taught us anything, it is that we should all be a lot more grateful for what we have. The line between comfort and civilization and anarchy and death is razor thin, and it would not take much for life as we know it to be altered terribly and irreparably. We live forever on the brink of an awful nightmare, there is no other way to live. But while we're here, while we are comfortable on our decks and we are wearing our shorts, let's take advantage of it! Like this guy is doing! We should all be so lucky as to carve out a little tiny patch of happiness from the miserable rubble of the world we live in. Even if the only way to carve that patch is by standing out on our deck in khaki shorts and giving a manic, incomprehensible, six minute rant and calling it comedy. On a side note, Lynn what will it take to get this guy a set at The Comedy Store? Seriously let's make that happen.

Web TV Freak Out Freak Zone

Whoops we went on web TV. Yup Fashion Designer, Sara Lund and someone else went balls out and showed our faces on the web to the max extreme. Amanda and Maria have a show called Late Night lemonade on thestream.tv...so we figured why not? It was pretty fun. No regrets.
You have to realize it was a first for JoJo and myself. So please forgive us for jibba jabbin and fidgeting around like nervous teens. We must say Amanda and Maria looked mad hot in our Oh Hai Fashions. Therefor we consider the show to be a complete success.
They looked so freaking good you could pretty much watch this with the volume off.

Late Night Lemonade - Fashion

Watch This Episode on http://www.thestream.tv/watch.php?v=1573


Well Did it pay off? Hellz yes We had a whopping 3% raise in blog hits. Wowza ! And like 2 people had stuff to say about it. Smello ? It was our first time on live cam so please forgive our nervous hands and awkwardness. Come on guys It's hard to do a web show without the king of pop.
Sigh I had always assumed everyone enjoys our charming nonsense but now i realize we are probably living a lie.

Special thanks to our friends Lynn Shawcroft and Zack Kahn for dominating the IM ! Yous guyz ruled. And thanks again To Maria Blasucci and Amanda Faye Lund for having us !

A Famous Duo

Joanna and myself have been compared to several infamous duo's through out our fun and exiting past. For example some say we are similar to entertainers such as Pen & Teller. Cheech and Chong..Oh also..political figures ....i.e Princess Buttercup and that old hag that neged her.
I feel as though out of those couples we are most like Pen & Teller because we love Vegas first off. and also the comedy, the magic..the hooters chicken wings and the 90's fashion.
Hey Penn.. Yea boyee. i still wear mine long in the back. don't hate.

*Sarah

Ain't No Party Like A Mrs.Mills Party

Mrs. Mills Rules! I never even knew that there was such as thing as a Mrs.Mills! But there is. I saw this record at a Salvation Army and bought it even though I don't have a record player. I;m now gonna be a Mrs.Mills collector so keep your eye out for her hard to find album "Knees-Up Party".
-David