Valentimes Day?

I'm still not entirely convinced that your boyfriend is even real. In some ways (in lots of ways) he seems like a terrible character played by Will Ferrel on SNL. A belly full of goat meat? Lovemaking (gross) under the redwood trees? Gimme a break! But there's also something that's almost TOO REAL about him. That's probably why you love him so much. You guys will be out one night and it'll be three in the morning and he'll just be like, "oh my God, you are such a beautiful creature I need to braid your hair ASAP" (and of course he pronounces it a-sap) or "I'm sorry, I didn't hear anything you said for the past five minutes, because I was thinking about how I want to wash your feet with my beard," and you're just like "are you for real right now? You are the worst! I want to kiss you on the mouth!" That is what you are like.
-David