Thursday, May 7, 2009


Does anyone besides me know the Hammacher Schlemmer catalog? Its pretty much like the Sky Mall airplane catalog, but even crazier and with more expensive things. The person who used to live in my apartment got it, and it still comes, and I always pick out what I want.
So let me share with you the five things I want.

1.) With this life sized giant six thousand dollar robot from the show Lost and Space I can finally express to the world that I have no intentions of ever having a family, and that I am quite happy staying inside all day watching TV and spending all my money on myself.

2.) I am always saying holding a book is too hard. Most times I just don't have the strength. Thats why this book valet is what I need, makes reading a book like looking at the tv. I hope for $179.95 it can also read to me if I need to rest my eyes.

3.) You know what would be the best? If there was a remote controlled toy that was modeled on the under water predator who has recently tragically taken the life of crocidile whisperer Steve Irwin, and you could use it to scare you Nana who has dipped her feet into the pool.

4.) Finally robot science has reached a point where every home in the country can have a decapitated robot Elvis head for just $179.95 (down from 299.99 this is a bargain). Yumma Yumma right? I am not sure if he is programmed to 'makeout'. Also don't bring him in the bathtub.

5.) Decades of sleeping alone may leave some people sinking into an miserable abyss of soul crushing loneliness. But not me, at least not as soon as I get my total body support pillow. Is that tv's The Nanny in the picture below? Can't be sure but she sure looks happy.



  1. I need all of these things as well. do they do special orders? can the decapitated Elvis robot be attatched to Fran's total body pillow? to make a robot elvis that's both dead in the eyes and the body ?

  2. ZOMG, I saw that Elvis head in the Sky Mall catalogue! Its weird though, after looking at that catalogue at high altitudes for hours, you sort of stop realizing how WEIRD this shit is. My favorite is the book holder thing. What a lovely piece of furniture.

  3. This Elvis robot looks like KD Lang.