Monday, May 11, 2009

I Don't Need To Wear That!

1866 is the year Levi Strauss made his first pair of denim pants, and since that time jeans haven't stopped evolving. I'm just saying, jeans inventors. Maybe give it a break. Isn't there enough kinds of jeans already?
As I always say, I'm not one to judge, but- I still have to speak my piece, and here are five jeans that (IMHO) have helped make the world a worse place.

1.) The tight baggy pant. This is jean science gone mad. This one garment manages the to do the opposite of what clothes are supposed to do, by shortening a lady's legs, adding about two feet to her torso and crotch, this probably breaks everyone one of Tim Gunn's rules of dressing. This is probably the worst in the bunch. I'm glad to get it out of the way.

2.) Even the name of this brand is terrible, Genetic Denim. They are on the list here for their skintight jeans inspired by spray paint colors. I know you're only as old as you feel, but I don't think anyone over 19 should be waltzing around in these glorified leggings (I think the black are OK though).

3.) I am skeptical of most clothes that lace up, and here is a pair of jeans that are getting a thumbs down. Its not just the laces that I'm mad at, if the pants ended in a heel, they would stand a better chance, but why go through all the work of lacing those mothers up, just to have a dumpy flat converse on the end?
4.) Stop! Did I say the skinny/baggy jeans were the worst? Here is the worst: Leggie-Legs by Ilaniowear. These may not count as jeans since they don't have a crotch, and are not denim, but they do need to be included here- if anything is making this world a worse place, its these Leggie-Legs. The website explains they are retailers of 'experimental clothing'. When science experiments fail, there is smoke and stuff explodes, when clothing experiments fail, it looks like this: hideous bell bottoms made of hologram spandex and loads of garbage fake fur. These are only for Brooke Hogan.

5.) These keyboard pants are really the inspiration for this jeans blog. While nothing is particularly off the charts terrible about the jeans themselves, why do they need to have a keyboard set into them? If its for a person who is mad on the computer then he is likely not even wearing jeans (or pants if he is like me). Please let jeans be jeans and let keyboards be keyboards.


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