I want to experience the same bliss that sloth feels while hugging that giraffe.

-David

Teen Time

Phew. Oh man, I cannot tell you how relieved I was to finally see that Vodafone sign and confirm this was in the UK, not the US. Sure America has our share of wackadoos, but foriegn people is worse.
Anyone know what they call Chris Hansen in Britain?

-David

And Club And Club

Look whos on the scene. Theres a new boyfriend for Joan- he meets all requirements.
1) loves to club
2) is a DJ, can get her into kewl clubs
3) has eccentric hair style
4) not "conventionally" attractive
5) old
Just kidding, no seriously, JK

-David

Get Back From Me

Sometimes you are just in no mood for this nonsense and you just want to watch your shows. This Cat knows what i'm talkin about.

-David

Party Time, EXCELLENT

YEAH! SWEET! RIGHT ON DUDES! HAVING A BOWL HAIRCUT IS THE BEST MAN! OH YEAH!

-David

I've Found My Spirit Animal

Is anyone suprised that the owner of this animal feeds him graham crackers on a leopard print blanket? Because I'm not suprised.
-David

Go Go Jo

I’m not sure what attracted me to Rick first, whether it was the complete lack of self-awareness, the embodiment of a grotesque 1970s-era sexuality, or the damp slick of death that slid from his pores, but I am definitely very attracted to him, love him, have sex with him, want to marry him, share all my secrets with him, and just wish I could live inside him forever.”
– Joan Skumanich 1974-2012

Let Her Do It

I don't think this counts as blackface if she isn't IN blackface. Okrrrr! I know thats right.

-David

Going the Hardest

I remember when I was young, white and in the suburbs. I just idolized rappers soooo much. I mean, shooting people in the head while getting your dick sucked while snorting a line while flipping off a police officer while laying down a hit vocal track in the studio. I mean, what else should I have idolized? All that stuff is so great. And turns out, I did become a rapper when I grew up, so follow your dreams, kids!

-David

Mom Curves Ahead

Finally you too, can have a Mom shaped body.

-David

Do You Even Know Anything About Hackerz?

LAUGHING OUT LOUD! The girl who said “what?” is right. Relax, tiny baby Julia Stiles. In other news: this.

I Can Haz Ur Moneys Pleeze?

Yesterday, the Internet was abuzz (classic Internet way to be) about a news story in which a young woman robbed a New York store with a gun while wearing a cat mask. Sure. The perfect crime. The reason that everyone was so excited, though, was not so much the thrill of a well-executed crime, but the New York Police Department’s artist rendering of the suspect:

Haha. That is a funny artist rendering! Today, FINALLY, we have grainy, blurry, impossible to see surveillance camera footage (via TheAwl) of the perfect crime as it is being perfectly conducted:

-David

Thats My Bieber

Wazzzup coolios!
Yo cool dudes who know that drugs are a dangerous distraction from achieving your career goals and awesome girls who like a guy with career goals and also have career goals themselves: today I want to rap at you about something pretty important. Safe sex Love. I’m no talking about the love that you get from your parents, which is awesome, and you shouldn’t take it for granted, and you should respect your parents, because respect is dope. I’m talking about the romantic love like you see in the movies and hear in the songs. P’ZONE!
Your body is going through a lot of changes right now, and you’re probably feeling pretty confused. It’s all very exciting and very scary. Hey dog, I’ve been there, dude. And because you’re a little adult now, I’m going to treat you like a little adult, and let you know that the desperate search for everlasting love doesn’t end when you graduate. SoBe Pina Colada Lizz Blizz. That’s life, brosef. Broheim. Bromanator. It’s the same for everyone. Even my main man, Justin Bieber (whatup Justin Bieber fist pound!). Don’t believe me, XBox_92? Check this out

-David

Pig Break

Lets take a quick afternoon break at Pigs Peace Sanctuary.
OK. Back to work!
-David

Back in Black (or khaki)

It was little more than a month ago when Daniel Songer, poet, comedian, dancer, entertainer (in that order), famously announced his retirement in Comedy_Entertainment Act 91.mpg. But today, ladies and germs, Daniel Songer has returned! He obviously learned what all true performers eventually come face-to-face with: once you get that TASTE, it is hard to give it up. In the past few days, Songer has uploaded a ton of new crazy backyard deck videos featuring his signature brand of pre-medicated “humor” (and sometimes, like, these weird pelvic thrust things accompanied by the chanting of some puerile phrase?). Admittedly, he seems to have gotten way more racist and homophobic since the last time we enjoyed his comedy, with rants about “the roaches” (Mexicans), and a video called “Talk Fag, Don’t Do Fag.” But, you know, that is just the EVOLUTION of an ARTIST.

-David