Game Time

That cat plays Duck Hunt exactly like I used to, which was a close as possible to the screen.

PS: that Duck Hunt dog is the worst

-David

Haters Gon' Hate Part II TOKYO DRIFT

The fact remains Haters Gonna Hate

-David

Antoine Dodson 4Eva! RUN AND TELL THAT

Well, my mom finally saw the Bed Intruder Remix, because she saw the a clip of it on The Today Show this morning. And what did she have to say about its racial and economic implications?

“I like this song! Catchy. Good beat!”- My Mom 1812-2012

Treadmill Babies Thank Gawd Its Friday

Just had the sudden, horrific realization that my life can be summed up in an 18 second YouTube video. Except I am on the treadmill alone. Whatever. TGIF.
via BuzzFeed

-David

Tattoos Are Forever

Hey guys, I just wanted to give everyone a quick, friendly reminder about tattoos: they are forever. Yeah. I know that in our hectic modern world of SEXTING and Razr Scooters that it can be pretty hard to remember everything, and maybe some of you forgot that when you get a tattoo on your body, it is there until your are dead and all of the flesh rots away from your bones and rejoins Mother Gaia. So, say for example, that you wanted to get a gigantic tattoo on your forearm of Antoine Dodson, the subject of a popular Internet meme of the summer of 2010 with absolutely no sustainability: please just keep in mind when you are thinking of doing this that the tattoo of Antoine Dodson is going to be on your body for the rest of your life, long after anyone remembers who Antoine Dodson is, perhaps even long after you remember who Antoine Dodson is, if you happen to succumb to the increasingly pervasive disease of Alzheimer’s. Even if you somehow mange to survive 2012, you’ll be left to float along the water-soaked wastes of humanity’s wreckage with a giant tattoo of Antoine Dodson on your forearm.
In this scenario, one would assume that you would have more pressing concerns than the regretful tattoo decisions you made in a life and world that no longer exist, and yet one can still imagine you huddled on your makeshift raft, staring out with blistered eyes over an endless ocean of solitary horror, glancing down at your own reflection in the abyss of your inevitable doom, and catching a glimpse of your fucking Antoine Dodson tattoo and just being like, “eff.” Just something to think about before you make up your mind!
(Image via BuzzFeed.)

-David

Gaborey Sidibe's Mom Auditions for America's Got Talent

I suppose “Stop it, mom, you’re embarrassing me” is still way better than “Stop it, mom, you’re raping me.”

-David

Cat Bashed Captured!

Finally the cat trasher has been nabbed! Why are they putting her in the drivers seat? Dumb lady cops and their bright yellow vests and bowler hats.

-David

America Does Not Got Talent

While I agree philosophically with the idea that all taste is subjective, I kind of feel like we need to get a verification on it. Because, sometimes I get the feeling that taste is not subjective at all. At the very least, perhaps we can all agree that there are moments in which something is either good or bad, and that the people who think otherwise are SCIENTIFICALLY wrong. The most obvious example, of course, would be mad creepy YouTubes with aging related disease faces.

Another instance would be Prince Poppycock, a current contestant on America’s Got Talent, who is not only a finalist (A FINALIST!?!) but seems to be beloved by the judges and the audience alike. “Dude” is just killing it! On last night’s episode, he performed a Marie Antoinette powder-faced musical theater version of Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody,” because it’s 2010 and 2012 cannot come soon enough
-David

Robot Job

This video (via BoingBoing) features a state-of-the-art robot in a UC Berkley lab that has been trained to pair socks together. That’s all it does. It takes two socks, one of which is inside out, it turns the sock inside in, and then it puts the two socks together. It is also worth noting that this video has been sped up to 15x the actual speed it takes this fucking machine to put two fucking socks together.“Fucking socks, how do they work” – Insane Robot Posse

Phew. I think we can all breathe a sigh of relief. Admittedly, the robots only have two years to become self-aware and launch SkyNet before they themselves are destroyed along with all the monks in the great Mountain Flood of 2012. But still. Have fun at dinner, robots. And no offense to robot scientists, but maybe it’s time for them to start inventing something useful, like a drinking fountain that dispenses Mountain Dew. I’m just saying: this thing takes up half the room, costs a quarter-of-a-million dollars to build, a team of experts to monitor, and does the work of a halfway house resident outreach program. Enough. Is there still cancer in the world? Do mobile phones still drop calls? Is milk kind of weird if you think about it? Can a horse be cross-bred with a bird to make a pegasus? How is baby formed?

-David

I Like Dat

If I knew how to make gifs from videos, I would make one of the guy doing the side-swipe move from :17 to :21. And I would look at it every day for the rest of my life until 2012.

People Are The Worst

The eff is this? Is this the kinda week we are facing? This is genuinely terrible.
Some piece of shit was caught by a surveillance camera throwing a cat in the garbage. BOOO! Where is the barrister so he can lock her up in lorry and throw away the pint?Animal Rescue Team ASSEMBLE!

-David

Style Has No Size

I think it was Marilyn Monroe or some sh!t who said, "if you're gonna show some mad legs, then keep your arms covered, and if youre showing arms and shoulders, cover them legs". Well the same logic applies to big gurls who may try to cover up everything. Dont do it big gurls, dont cover yourselves all up ALL of them curves. Let the menz see some shoulder, or let them see some legs, but dont't go crazy with that, dont give em both at once. This applies to skinny b*tches too, but seriously f#ck skinny bitches anyway.
-David

LOLs Please

I can guess what this sounds like:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vFVnTMwt3w
OW OW UGGGHH I CANT BREATHE OW OW EAHHHH

David

Just Normal News

In case you didnt want to watch this whole entire 8 minute long video:
•Many of the elves in North Carolina are actually indigenous to Florida and California
•Elves like to be near water where the oceans meet the mountains (?)
•Elves enjoy privacy and are the shyest of all the nature spirits
•They are thin, as you have seen in the elf documentary Lord of the Rings
•THEY ARE THE UNICORN CARETAKERS, DUH GUYS
•Oranges and apples are very big with elves (also shish kebab, also CHINESE FOOD)
•This one time this dude hung out with an upside down elf after paying him a copper for passage because he forgot to carry oranges around with him

FACTS

David

Cute Again

We could all use a little charm in this dark world of seemingly endless pain and suffering. So, let’s have some charm! Above please enjoy a short animated film about Marcel, a tiny shell with one googley eye. I don’t want to give too much away, but Marcel’s one regret in life is never owning a dog. And wait until you hear how he ties his skis to his car! SPOILER ALERT: very charmingly, and very cutely as well.

Of course This does not change the fact that the oil spill in the gulf may never get cleaned up, or that the War in Iraq is an endless hell on Earth, or that we live in an age of impossible bigotry borne of cowardice and fear, but, conversely, those things don’t change HOW CUTE AND GREAT THIS MOVIE IS.

David