Dance Party U.S.A.

The weather has been so nice lately, it kinda makes a lady wanna hit the clubs and just dance.

Joanna

Sad Sag

Holy smokes you guys. I mean, on the one hand, I guess New York State Senator Eric Adams (D) has a point. Sagging pants can maybe open the door to negative stereotyping (although one could then make the counter-argument that changing one’s “uncivilized” dress in order to conform and appeal to society’s expectations is itself a stereotype, and then we could have time for rebuttals from both sides on the BUS TO RACE JAIL). But on the other hand, something tells me that as America continues to limp through two wars abroad, and struggles to pull itself out of the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression, when gay marriage remains illegal in 45 states including New York, with widespread unemployment and plummeting property values, all within an impossibly divisive partisan political climate, and only two years before the inevitable 2012 Apocalypse, maybe this doesn’t need to be anyone’s KEY ISSUE. Like, maybe, just for the time being, there are MORE IMPORTANT THINGS GOING ON THAN PANTS. OKAY? HELLO.

Secret Lover

Remember that guy you met at Teddy's two summers ago? The one you went out with for about three weeks, but never wanted to introduce him to any of your friends? Yeah he was kinda gross, but the boning was real hot.

Here's my top five celeb secret lover wishlist:

ZACH GALIFIANAKIS

It's no secret that Zach is my number one celebrity crush. Besides being talented, he's the perfect cuddling size and fuzzy like a little animal. Zach! if you're reading this, CALL ME!! XOXO

Let's make this happen.

DANNY McBRIDE

Maybe I should move to NC, cause it seems like that state is droppin hotties like crazah.

NICK OFFERMAN

This one guy from Parks and Recreations. Oh the things I would do with that stache.

ALEC BALDWINWhat is it with him? The fatter Alec gets, the sexier he is, or maybe he just developed a personality by the pound. I'll take the fatty Alec any day! Also, I like the way he rocks back and forth on the edge of his chair, trying to gain momentum, it reminds me of my grandma.

JEFF GOLDBLUM

I didn't want you guys to think that I only go for fat hairy bears, I like the skinny weird ones too. JB's the kinda of guy you're really into until he lets his fetish get out of control. Plus, we would have weird looking babies.

-Joanna

House Pants

You know a lady really needs to relax after a hard day at work. I think this guy has been watching me and knows my sweatpants secrets.

Joanna

Fashion Styles

Old fashioned time was surely the golden era in clothing commercials. I want to wear those pants when I travel through a mirror to a parallel dimension of pure light and sound.

-David

More Infinity

I havent been blogging for the past week or so because the internet was out of cool things. But thats changed. This video has eveything I need in a video except cats, needs more cats.

-David

Have you seen my childhood?

Uh I didn't know if you guyses knew this but Captain EO is back and i'm losing my shite.
Disneyland did not know what the hell they were doing when they savagely destroyed The Magic Eye theater along with the most dazzling 3-d attraction ever made. I grew up in that mother f*kr. I thought i would never get those days back again... jamming Easter egg glitter on my eyeballs with Angie while ridding the monorail into the park. A ritual preparation for the extravaganza of the senses that is EO.
I will die if I don't go to Disneyland soon.
Seriously i'll kill myself.
Seriously
I'll put on my whip warrior costume and hang myself while simultaneously choking on sour cherry balls. Similar to what Carradine did but with a Disney twist.
Depression hurts. Captain EO can help.

Next will be a petition to bring back the Soap Box Racers and Whirlpool at Knott's Berry Farm. That's if the whole suicide thing falls through.





*Sarah

The Never Ending Story

Sometimes it's all just too much ...haha what's the point to any of this life? Why are some peoples brains not right ? What's in Chef Boyardee meatballs?

Luckily Harmony put this on my facespace today. Like a melodic band-aid.
Feel free to put this sanitary pep pep on your cuts and scrapes today. It will protect your soul against infection. TEMPORARILY that is.
It will probably come off in the shower later so tomorrow you are back to being in your own lonesome hell bubble. And chances are that hell bubble will still get repeatedly infiltrated by people you don't know who will proceed ruin you.



*Sarah

My Little Nightmare

This is another one for the Funny, Sad Real book.

When I was a kid, I used my collection of My Little Ponies as warhorses (of course, brushing their hair after the carnage), but had I seen this then, I’m not sure whether I would have been mad excited to have my X-Men and Ninja Turtles ride them into battle or be mad scared and have wanted to lock them in the fridge in the basement like I did to did My Buddy after watching Chuckie.
This is on a stage somewhere? How did this set get built, or the animatronic face? I can’t imagine people actually paying money to see this, but most youtube clips like this are just some lady in a homemade rubber spiderman suit sitting on a couch rubbing her thighs.
Someone put some serious skrill behind bringing their dream of a disconcerting parapalegic nightmare unicorn to life.

Hopsital Boyfriend

There is a delicate formula needed in caclulating how delish someone is, or even if they are delish at all. Like for example this guy is good looking, but he has that horrible Australian accent and calls The Hospital just 'Hospital', and calls a cooler an 'Eskie'. Verdict- not delish. Ashton Kutcher is handsome but also is a wack tweeting hollywierdo. Verdict- not delish. When you break most things down and really weigh the pros and cons out on paper you'll find not only most things are not delish, most things are terrible.

-David

Family Friends

I get it, they are pretty much the Irish Die Antwoord.

-David

Careful Humping

Hey listen kids, I'm not like other moms, i'm a cool mom okay? If you guys are gonna drink, I want you to do it here, in the house. And if you're gonna hump dogs, use protection okay.

-David

Spider Man Returnz

After surviving for two weeks on only mustard and Wetzel's Pretzels from the mall, YOU KNOW WHO, is finally squeezed back in her spider suit and is feeling more sensual then ever. Good for you girl, we should all be so lucky to find something in this world that makes us happy

-David

Friskie Fantasy

Whoa, they must have seriously changed the recipie on cat food. The last time I tried that stuff, it was nothing like this.

-David

Step in the name of Love

So cute! If there was a cat massage parlor, where you could go and get stepped on by cats, I would be there every day.

-David