The Future is Now

As we draw closer to our inevitably horrific deaths in 2012, we can take heart that some sweet things have happened here on Earth. Avatar came out and was sweet, we got two Twilight movies and it looks like Virtual Reality technology is finally at a point where Grandmas can be tricked into thinking they are an actual roller coaster, when they are really on a bench going nowhere.

-David

Sex Can Wait

I want to speak directly to the young women out there who aren't afraid to find their own voices and make a difference in this world, where you at my peeps? Yo, you dogs, let me lay down some wisdom for you. Being a virgin is no big whoop. FACT: we are ALL born virgins and plenty of people remain virgins their whole entire lives, so what, who cares, nobody! Being a virgin can even be an asset. Yes its true, put your razr scooter down, take off your walkman headphones and let me tell you about Sarah Jane Newberry. Pictured above right she is a kewl lady from England who has never had sex ever, never in her whole life, even counting anal. Its not like she hasn't had the option, she had boyfriends (check the ex-boyfriend section of the site). But she's chosen not to let anybody put it in her and for her it's worked out well. Look she has a website of her own and everything!
-David

Stupid French People

This video brings me to a topic I have been looking to broach for weeks now. So I'll just go ahead and broach it. Lets be clear, I'm not I'm a hater, I'll say that right now. I recognize this video is from the 70s or some shit, and thats part of the reason it looks wack. But there is a bigger problem with this video, a problem that goes beyond time, and I'm gonna talk about it, and in examining this problem we have to look an even bigger problem, France.

OK back to the video. lets consider the video. The costumes, wack, the special effects, wack- but I will give a PASS to both these issues of wackness due to the fact that this video was made in the 70s. This is also sort of how 70s American TV shows looked. The real problem is what the heck kind of Star Wars spoof (I'm being generous here) leaves out Han Solo or Obi Wan Kenobi?! I dont even know who those characters are, I think one was Harrison Ford, but I'm not sure, anyway I know that there was more to the story then that robot and Darth Vader! French people either get it right or make your own entertainment. That is the problem!

Which leads us to the bigger issue, France in general is wack. Here are some FACTS

French men often have gay ass names like Marie
French people all smoke a ton, and do it everywhere
The French are wusses and have lost about every war they were involved in
They have created no good TV shows ever, they are all unfunny
I could go on, but this isn't Xenophobic Vintage. Its OHHAI VINTAGE, so I will work on finding more videos and pictures that relate to fashion and animals.

-David

Sadder, Funnier and Realer

Fresh from the driveway between the neighbor's house and his own, Ginger is back, and now he has legal reasonings for things. Man, he has a lot to say here. But let me just go ahead a summarize it for you guys. The bottom line is basically this: "So, you can't tell me nothing, I do what I want. Everybody shut up."

At the risk of being a hater I have to say the fact that his beady eyes remain unblinking throught all of his videos is not helping his argument that have souls.

-David

Please Trust Me, You Guys

This is a long video you guys, but you'll need to watch all of it. Theres something to be learned here. Life isn't getting any easier, things are only getting worse, then, in 2012, it's gonna all be over. If the recent events in Haiti have taught us anything, it is that we should all be a lot more grateful for what we have. The line between comfort and civilization and anarchy and death is razor thin, and it would not take much for life as we know it to be altered terribly and irreparably. We live forever on the brink of an awful nightmare, there is no other way to live. But while we're here, while we are comfortable on our decks and we are wearing our shorts, let's take advantage of it! Like this guy is doing! We should all be so lucky as to carve out a little tiny patch of happiness from the miserable rubble of the world we live in. Even if the only way to carve that patch is by standing out on our deck in khaki shorts and giving a manic, incomprehensible, six minute rant and calling it comedy. On a side note, Lynn what will it take to get this guy a set at The Comedy Store? Seriously let's make that happen.

Baby Daddy, Just a Baby!

You guys it looks like Sarah's Pops has some competition for the 'WORLD'S BEST DAD!' title. How cute right? SO CUTE! I'm gonna get those cheeks. Leeme get those cheeks I'm gonna eat those cheeks. But also scary right? What are those background dancers doing? They shouldn't be doing that. I think I have to go to jail for watching that part. And what the? It gets scary when MINI DADDY starts pointing his finger and making a mean face. Is that supposed to be a gun? That part is scary. Is that racist of me to say? I have so many feelings. Does anyone out there know what he is rapping about? I'm guessing its something about childhood diabeetus?

After doing some more research and cementing my future in jail, I found that apparently this is a cultural thing I didn't understand. Lots of times husky precocious foreign boys rap with overtly sexualized pre-pubescent girls Zanger Bob

-David

Toon Time

Anyone who knows me knows I love cats, being alone, and reading the web. Reading the web for some people would be work, but you know for me, its a labour of love. Follow your passion you know? And that passion, whoops, leads me to TasteofPoisonParadise, a NSFW site where Disney characters are undressed. The weird part (lots of wierd parts to this site) is that it turns out all the toons wear briefs, boxer briefs or jockstraps.
-David

Funny Sad Real

You Guys, it turns out whoever said 'Don't jude a book by it's cover' was totally wrong. Email me personally to reserve your copy of this UNAUTHORIZED Biography!
-David

For MLK Day

Sometimes you come across things on the web that can be very confusing in a lot of different ways. Like, if I had to judge this clip and had a triangular graphic equalizer with sides labled FUNNY, SAD, REAL, then I would probably mark X in the center of the triangle with a ;-( face next to it. So many emotions! And though it has been about 33 years since I was last legally allowed in a highschool I know that public addressing of teen haters will not help this Ginger's cause. Stop now! I know this is a Blog about fashion and finding the kewlest jeans, but let me address this kid directly and offer a few words of advice. Ginger: Shut your G.D. mouth. Get off Youtube and keep your head down in school for chrissakes, do not anwser questions in class, it will only draw attention to your gay Ginger voice, continue to have lunch with the teachers and if you play your cards right you maybe will be able to get your butt outta there in one piece. Also become good at something like computers or some shit. But stay off Youtube.

-David

EXTREME FACE MAKEOVER: FORIEGN FACES EDITION!1!

Another year has crept by and the planet's taken one more spin around the sun. As we get older, we inevitably begin to reflect on the choices we've made in life that have brought us to this particular point. Things rarely turn out the way that we think or hope, and some of the heavy, inevitable truths of aging and the vagaries of middle-to-old age cannot be imagined or understood until they are experienced. One morning you look in the mirror and it's your father (or your mother) staring back at you. And yet, no decision or path taken can be disentangled from any other decision or path. As we learned from the philosophical treatise Sliding Doors, you are the inextricable accumulation of an infinite number of choices leading towards one compound outcome. Or, if physicist Brian Greene is to be believed, then our existence is just one of an infinite number of mirror existences in the multi-verse, each holding an opportunity or possibility or hair color (Sliding Doors!) being somehow expressed simultaneously in the far reaches of the universe.
Would our world be any different if German Chancellor Angela wore pink frosted lipstick and a Bumpit? We may never know.

Snuggie is Cancelled

Wait a second, wasn't it just August, like, yesterday? Sorry, I know that is a total Conversation Topic for Dads. Every month, when Dads get their Official Dad Newsletter, the first article is always an update on how no one can believe where the time goes any more than they could believe it last month. Next thing you know, I'm going to explain to you how when you are your age you think you have all the time in the world but you do not have all the time in the world, and that you will understand what I am talking about better when you are my age (55). Because where did all that time go?! Do you ever wish you had a universal remote FOR YOUR LIFE? But time flies and look around, its not summer time, its winter time. And what are you gonna do with your freezing neck?!?

Obviously this product is great on its own, what with its convenient foldability-pouch and its very stylish look (leopard? Where am I, PARIS, FRANCE?) that goes with any outfit (as long as that outfit is terribly-fitting and costs less than 20 dollars). But what I think is most important about this ad is how good of a job it does at showing us just how wack scarves are. Ew, don't you guys HATE scarves? They're always being slammed in van doors, or you're just fumbling with them forever. "I wish this scarf wasn't such a effing nightmare!" Who hasn't caught themselves saying that every time they step outside in the winter? I mean you're going to tell me that technology can create photo realistic, life-like dinosaurs in the Jurassic Park movies but we still can't have a scarf that doesn't do everything wrong? "There's a scarf in this peanut butter, OF COURSE." Necky even sounds better than scarf. Scarf, come on. What am I? A terrorist?

SO MANY YOUTUBES

Oh. My. Friggin. God. You. Guys. Its been six months, about four million Youtubes and a whole lot of hormone shots since I have last seen you guys. How are you guys? I'm good, well you know with my not working and working, feuding and then reconciling, not much has really changed. The web is still full of great videos of trampoline accidents and I still have a lot of free time on my hands. So lets get to it ok?
Though we may live in uncertain times in a cruel world filled with mostly terrible people and await the year 2012 when, inevitably, the earth will be transformed into a dun-colored nightmarish hellscape of inhumanly horrifying post-Apocalyptic tragedy, one thing remains the same- cats and dogs are still at odds. Would you look at this, its Cats and Dogs 2: the Revenge of Kitty Galore.

-David

Tardy for the Party FTW

I am being totally Rhea Listic when I say that this is my favorite Tardy For The Party rucka rucka REMIX.
I have viewed this youtube gem more than 16 time. The subtle nuances of Rhea listic's mix just resonate with me so much so that I even play the video for background sound. You know when I'm doing other thing such as brushing my teeth, cleaning the cat box and febreezing my gym sneakers. Mostley when plucking my mustache. Thanks Rhea Listic. You go gurl !


Rhea Listic's youtube
http://http//www.youtube.com/user/jrthegreat1

*Sarah

Price Is Right Hella

Yea we went on The Price Is Right. Don't be jealous. We ended up going in with a group of housewives from Texas. One of our new friends named Judy totally threw it down and won pretty much everything. We're talking a ski boat and a car..even one of those giant high heel shoe chairs that drag queens love. It was da bomb ya'll. Especially the part when Drew Carry talked about cocaine. Oh and the jumping up and down next to some scuba gear part.

Yep sometimes you just have to go on game shows. This is gd America.

*Sarah

We did it (again)

Check out our superior Halloween Costumes. Sorry all y'all lady Gaga's. Maybe next year.
Consider trying a little bit harder.

*Sarah