My Little Nightmare

This is another one for the Funny, Sad Real book.

When I was a kid, I used my collection of My Little Ponies as warhorses (of course, brushing their hair after the carnage), but had I seen this then, I’m not sure whether I would have been mad excited to have my X-Men and Ninja Turtles ride them into battle or be mad scared and have wanted to lock them in the fridge in the basement like I did to did My Buddy after watching Chuckie.
This is on a stage somewhere? How did this set get built, or the animatronic face? I can’t imagine people actually paying money to see this, but most youtube clips like this are just some lady in a homemade rubber spiderman suit sitting on a couch rubbing her thighs.
Someone put some serious skrill behind bringing their dream of a disconcerting parapalegic nightmare unicorn to life.

Hopsital Boyfriend

There is a delicate formula needed in caclulating how delish someone is, or even if they are delish at all. Like for example this guy is good looking, but he has that horrible Australian accent and calls The Hospital just 'Hospital', and calls a cooler an 'Eskie'. Verdict- not delish. Ashton Kutcher is handsome but also is a wack tweeting hollywierdo. Verdict- not delish. When you break most things down and really weigh the pros and cons out on paper you'll find not only most things are not delish, most things are terrible.

-David

Family Friends

I get it, they are pretty much the Irish Die Antwoord.

-David

Careful Humping

Hey listen kids, I'm not like other moms, i'm a cool mom okay? If you guys are gonna drink, I want you to do it here, in the house. And if you're gonna hump dogs, use protection okay.

-David

Spider Man Returnz

After surviving for two weeks on only mustard and Wetzel's Pretzels from the mall, YOU KNOW WHO, is finally squeezed back in her spider suit and is feeling more sensual then ever. Good for you girl, we should all be so lucky to find something in this world that makes us happy

-David

Friskie Fantasy

Whoa, they must have seriously changed the recipie on cat food. The last time I tried that stuff, it was nothing like this.

-David

Step in the name of Love

So cute! If there was a cat massage parlor, where you could go and get stepped on by cats, I would be there every day.

-David

BieberFever!

Last night my Mom was like "Who's Justin Bieber?" and I was like "GET OUT OF MY ROOM, I HATE YOU SO MUCH!"
At least the teens in the YouTube comments know whats up!

airamcrystal01 : "I WAS THE 87TH PERSON TO WATCH THIS! THIS IS ICREDIBLE, IM SO PROUD OF JUSTIN AND IT WAS EVERYTHING WE WANTED PLUS MORE. IM STILL HAVING BIEBERGASMS. OH AND THANK TEH LORD THAT THEY DIDNT KISS! (THEY PROBS DID BACKSTAGE BT OH WELL) COZ I WOULD HAVE PASSED OUT. AHH I DON'T THINK I'LL EVER STOP WATCHING THIS VIDEO!!!1!!!!1!!!! :D :D."

-David

I JUST LOVE HIM!

I just wish that Mom would freakin' shut up. GAWD MOM. Moms seriously just don't understand. Sometimes we do have to cry because we love Justin Bieber. How about that, Ginger kid is not the only one on YouTube coining brilliant quotes.
"I bet that's Justin Bieber"! I'm going to say that every time the phone rings for the rest of my life.

-David

Add It Up

-David

For Your Own Good

I know you guys are busy. Kids today, they are always sexting or cyber bullying someone on their facepages- I know whats up. I know how you guys do. It's like nobody has time for anything these days. Why won't anybody sit down together for a nice meal and watch YouTube with me? Instead everyone is squeezing Dannon Go-gurts into their open mouths and off somewhere on their Segways. It would be nice if you would STOP for just 3 minutes and watch this video.

NO FAST FORWARDING. I know British people and their wack accents are insufferable but you need this. OK you guys? Stay with it. That is some M. Night Shamalan sh*t right there

-David

So last time he checked in with us, Ginger kid told us he was not a joke. Now, he is showing us he is not a joke because HE IS WEARING A BLAZER! And there is a necky underneath. I cannot argue with this.
In the case of People v. Gingers, Gingers is not guilty on all counts due to a nice outfit. Gingers are free to go and to have souls and whatever.
-David

ZZZZZZZZ

What I need to know is where does one buy tiny cat furniture? Its too friggin cute. Though it is much more sad if you think of it as a Feline Hospice.
-David

Hold Me

Sometimes, on Valentine's Day, a boyfriend or girlfriend might be a terrible joke, like, "I wish every day could be Valentime's Day!" What people don't realize is that for the lonelies who hate that day, every day kind of IS Valentine's Day. You know what I mean? What I'm trying to say is, oh look! Someone on Etsy has made a lifelike Robert Pattinson body pillow. Obviously, we know what the person who is buying this pillow is thinking. She is thinking: "regardless of the fact that I may be far too old for my romantic fetishization of an adolescent actor representing a mythological metaphor for sexual anxiety, I still feel what I feel, and this is my bedroom, my safe space, I am going to do what I want as long as it makes me happy, or at least temporarily eases this dark and pervasive abyss that is my experience as a human being doomed to wander the Earth."

-David

The Worst Eyed Peas

Not to be a hater, but I freakin' hate the Black Eyed Peas. Usually when I post a long video like this, I would ask you guys to watch the whole thing. Not here. Don't bother. This mother is like ten minutes long, and its terrible, every minute of it. Basically the Black Eyed Peas are in the future, Fergie is doing a wack Beyonce single ladies impression, and there are some Terminator 3 Salvation: Rise of the Machines walking around. Thats pretty much it.
The only thing worse then this actual video is the realization that for the rest of the year I will be hearing all the garbage people in my neighborhood mumbling the chorus "I'ma be, I'ma be". I know there is something to be said for the power of positive thinking but, if you're a Black Eyed Peas fan, you're pretty much not gonna be doing nothing. Just sayin'.

P.S. Fergie is right when she said at the beginning of the video that you guys are not robots, because robots are just sophisticated machines, they are not stupid assholes who think every day is Halloween and The Matrix just came out.
-David