Sunday, May 31, 2009

Get Back From Me Again!

video

A married couple attached by a 15 foot string for 24 hours. This sounds like a terrible idea. I can pretty much guarantee you that within 10 minutes I would either strangle myself with that string or chew through it in a panicked rage.
via slate.com
-David

No Legs No Problem


As I have said before, I am used to seeing celebrities all over the city. But this one was a real suprise. Today I road the subway with the 'I have no legs' man from the movie KIDS. Do you remember him? He got his name because he has no legs, and he is always saying "I have no legs." Fair enough. In the spirit of full disclosure I cannot be 100% sure it was the same guy, however I am sure that he had no legs.
-David

Saturday, May 30, 2009

The Internet Makes Me Feel Fat


This is why I recommend everyone go to AskJeeves.com with their questions.
-David

Trading Faces


According to Wikipedia, which has never led me wrong, the above is a Jinmengyo Koi fish. “A Jinmengyo Koi, is known for its humanoid appearance.”
::SHUDDER::
Its not so bad that it has a human face, its the fact that it looks like the guy from the Diabeetus commercials.
-David

Friday, May 29, 2009

We Love Halloween!

Since I have been 'working from home' I have had a chance to catch up on my Maury. Whats going on here? All it is paternity tests! I remember the glory days of Maury, the holy trinity of Sylvia Brown, Man or Woman?!?! and Maury Help! I'm Housebound and Morbidly Obese episodes.
I have been all up on YouTube trying to show you guys what I mean. Let me explain Maury’s “MAN OR WOMAN?!?!” episodes! Those are the ones where Maury brings out a bunch of male-to-female transsexuals and a bunch of slightly masculine biological women, and the audience would shout things like, “DAS A MAN!!! LOOK AT DAT!!! DAS A MAAAAAN!!! And wave their arms wildly to point out evidence to the Maury Sexuality court such as: LOOK AT DAT ADAM’S APPLE!!!!! MAAAAAN! CHICK WITH A DIIIIIIICK! DAS A MAAAAN!”
Unfortunately this is the best quality "MAN OR WOMAN?!?!" episode I could find. This one aired on Halloween, because gender identity is scary
-David

Turning Japanese [NOT]


Attention teens: wearing 14 different colors and patterns and pretending to be pigeon-toed does not make you Japanese. {I am out of touch, is Gwen Stefani and this whole thing still 'kewl' with kids?]
-David

Thursday, May 28, 2009

It's all Yours !!!!!!

Talk about Deals. Because Oh Hai Vintage is Brand Spanking new many of our Ebay items are selling at starting auction price. No competition ! That means you can get your hands on these items and our other goodies at starting prices between $7-$9.99 ! That's outrageous ! Our soft Launch is your sweet steal ! take advantage of our Newbie status and get all up on these one of O kind fashions deals !
Go ahead take peek. We're practically giving them away !
Click the pictures to check out these items or go to our seller profile to browse our other Oh Hai Vintage fashions available on Ebay right now.
: )
Sarah





Ok I Get It


I wish the world was more open minded. Women wear makeup every day. Why can't men? Then guys like the gentleman pictured above could get their freak on each and every day. Anyway I'm not mad at it and I'm gonna bet his that raccoon/panda nightmare makeup face is better then whats underneath. God love him.
-David

Go 4 The Gold!


-David

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Trash Trouble


Not to just blog about ME again, but this guy keeps 6 months worth of garbage in his basement and he gets a Time Magazine story and I keep a shit ton of trash in the kitchen for two weeks and all I get are fruit flies and mice?
UNFAIR!
via time.com
-David

F-R-E-S-H. Fresh.


The fact that I can name each Jonas Brother probably puts me on some kind of watch list. I can't understand them. They’re so clean. Looking at them makes me feel homeless and insecure about the way I smell.
-David

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I Meme Bussiness



I think everyones seen the internet sensation Garfield Minus Garfield right? The comic where Garfield has been edited out of the strip leaving John Arbuckle looking like a crazy sad existentialist. Who knew just removing Garfield from the strip makes things real profound, real fast. Garfields great, but I thought there was room in this meme world for some wisdom via America's comic strip sweet heart, Cathy.
So heres the first of many moments of Cathy musings. If you have any good quotes that you think would suit Cathy, please email em in!
-David

Peli-CAN'T


-David

Who's Mama's Big Boy ?


It is your special day and we are so proud of you !
Today you are allowed as maney McDonald's chicken nugget happy meals as you want. And Meemaw said she will pick up some chester paw cheese puff cheetos for your party.

We love you and can't wait until the day you become America's Next Top Blogger !

Love, Sarah & Joanna

Monday, May 25, 2009

Thats It

Forget it. As far as internet videos go this was perfect.
Even if that is actually K.D. Lang ageing backwards a la Benjamin Button into that kid from Jerry Maguire, I dont care.
-David

Belt Sword


The best part is the tagline on the Belt Sword website. Never Feel Naked... Never!
I expect this to spawn a whole generation of extremely violent never-nudes.
via Beltswords.com
-David

Here Come The Robots

I am not 100% sure on this, but from what I can understand with my limited Japanese vocabulary is the following.
Robots have become self aware.
They are mad pissed about how humands have been bossing them around.
They are planning an revolution and are going to kill everyone (once they figure out how to stand up on their own).
-David

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Old Fashioned Face


-David

Buh Buh Buh Buhtter Face


This may be a controversial subject. What do you guys think of Lady Gaga? I've been torn on the subject but I have made up my mind now. I have to finally break my silence. I always appreciated that Lady Gaga wasn't what you call classically beautiful. And I thought hey, at least she wears some effed up things. I rationalized that's better then the boring junk Britney or Xtina will wear. But despite all this I have now decided she is mad corny. Corny as her wack name.
I will give her this: her bikini waxes are ALWAYS on point.
-David

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Dude Where's My Face?


-David

Jenny Jones II

Look who is now obsessed on the Jenny Jones tip. Me. I am. Why I have I been WASTING my life away, why did I not look up Jenny Jones on YouTube years ago!?! I owe myself a big apoligy. And know what, I forgive myself.
These ~GeEk 2 ChIc~ episodes basically got me through the worst years of high school (all four of them were the worst years). I would sit back and watch these former geeky highschoolers with low self-esteem flaunt the fact that they grew up to be ugly strippers with low self-esteem, and I would feel empowered. I am wack, and I need meds.
-David

GET OFF! No seriously get off that horse, you're crushing it.


OMFG! We have covered all kinds of sick porn things, but the grossest of all is when animals are getting hurt. Have you ever seen a horse more sickly than this? Where is his mane? And is that a bunch of flies in his face? These stupid ladies are crushing him. Not OK. I am ready to beat their butts. I wanna crawl in the web and personally give each of these women the John Cena STFU. I am writing an angry internet letter to ridevideos@aol.com about this for sure. :-(
via nudehorsebackriding.com
-David

Friday, May 22, 2009

R.I.P Matilda Powell-Cummings


We gave you a home
and a name. In heaven your
eyes will shoot lasers.


Some of Matilda 's favorite things were liver snap treats.
Watching the home and garden network with her Dad's.
And of course romping with BFF's Murphy and Tucker.
She was one special little baby. Mangled tooth and all.
Our blessings and love go out to her family and friends.
*
Haiku by Harmony Ellington
* Photoshop by Sarah Beth Lund

Bye Guys


Listen up all two of you who read this. I'm going to Michigan for my birthday, so I will (for the first time in probably years) be away from the computer and unable to live blog to you. But I went ahead and pre wrote some blogs and scheduled them to post, so you'll still see new postings every day. OK? And theres some left over chinese food in the fridge and don't open the door for ANYONE!
If its an emergency and you need an adult please see Sarah
-David

Guest Blog: Where Are Your Forms?- By Lady At My Bank


Editor Note: Every once and a while we like to open the blog to reflect a point of view that you may not see in other places. So when Lady At My Bank reached out to us and asked to do a Guest Column, we happily agreed.

Where are people's papers at? See that table back there, with the pen chained to it, see those stacks of all different forms? Those are there for a reason. People are endlessly coming up here asking for withdrawls, making deposits and nobody is filling out their forms. You want me to fill all this out for you? This makes my job frustrating and this is why I have a headache. I am not kidding when I tell you I am on my very last nerve. I have twice handwritten a sign and taped it up to my teller window reminding customers 'COMPLETE ALL FORMS BEFORE COMING UP HERE', but my manager makes me take it down. If you pulled this kinda stuff at the post office they would send you to the back of the line so fast. But at this bank, we have to offer our customers '100% a+ customer service', most times it is all I can do to control myself and not reach up under the glass window and strangle a customer.
-Lady At The Bank

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Jenny Jones


Look what I've been missing on the web: the Jenny Jones Blog. For those that don't know, Jenny Jones hosted a talk show in the 90s. Her real claim to fame was a 'Secret Crushes' episode where a guy found out another guy had a crush on him. This guy was suprised, he was straight and so pissed about the whole thing that he killed that other guy who had a crush on him. That pretty much put an end to the Jenny Jones show. But Jenny is still alive, and shes spilling all her personal beans on her blog, bless her soul. I hope she finds a way to make peace with her mother.
-David

You've Failed Me


I just don't think its fair that I have been using The Secret for weeks now, and I still haven't gotten a diamond Garfield pendant.
via eatliver.com
-David

Who Squatted It Better?


-David

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Better Late Than Never


My Bad, this was for 4/20 but here you go, celebrate 5/20.
-David

Web Ways


-David

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Grossout


I really struggled with myself on this one, not sure whether or not to post it. But I prayed on it, and decided yes, the world (the 3 people who read this) needs to know about George Kistner and website: louisvillefreeface.com. So you're welcome.
via somethingawful
-David

You're Not Going Nowhere


Aw man, when animals get hurt (unlike people) they seem to only get cuter. Maybe its a twisted Misery kinda syndrome but I feel like the fact that the animal needs you even more, compounds his or her cuteness by about an infinity.
BTW I mean just mildly hurt, not disfigured, when they get hurt really badly- they do get less cute- god bless them. (Do not click if you are prone to vomick)
via fuckyeahanimalswithcasts (safe to click, nothing sick here)
-David

Monday, May 18, 2009

Thank U 4 Being A Friend!



You guys we have 6 positive feedbacks on Ebay! We are so friggin psyched! That is over halfway to a gold star! I am just the blog master here, its Sarah and Joanna who do the Ebay voodoo, but from all of us, we wanna send a special, not creepy at all, shout out to the below Ebayers whose winning bids and great feedback are helping make Ebay a better place to shop.
nsor8644, iluvtransams , awfullyrad, jea012, and kureyscards
THANKS A MILLION!

No Shame In [His] Game

Holy Smokes. That show Lockup is the worst, why do I watch it? Why do I do hurt myself that way? It always freaks me the eff out. They should put this guy in charge of the “Scared Straight” program cause he is in your prisons, rapin’ all your men!
-David

Thank The Internet


Hopefully this will stop Sarah from posting blogs that make no sense.
PS Just kidding.
PS No, seriously though.
-David

Get Back From Me!


-David

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Are you telling me 2 out of every 10 internet users HAVE NEVER WATCHED AN ONLINE VIDEO?


“Online video is big. Americans watched a record 13.5 billion online videos in October, the last month for which figures are available, according to Comscore. Nearly 8 out of 10 Internet users watched an online video, and among younger users, the Internet has already become a TV substitute.” - CNN
Who's Nana isn't watching online videos? Help your Nana! Lets all get on board here. Seriously you guys.
via CNN
-David

I'm Gonna Hump That?

This is a clip from a documentary I saw, I think it was on the Discovery Channel. People who sexually love objects! Tupperware, fans, globes, washing machines, spaceships, EVEN THE TWIN TOWERS! Again barriers are being broken, I was under the impression only men were creppy perverts.
Yay feminism!
-David

Bottoms Up


Thanks Getty Image Captions, for the truest (is that a word) caption ever.
-David

Saturday, May 16, 2009

In This Economy

In this economy a Turtles gotta get what he can take. Am I right?
PS: I hate pigeons.
-David


I found my picture on google image search again. Who is posting this? I don't want to make a big deal about it but, please don’t blog my photo around the internet. I prefer my privacy thanks very much. Yes, I do most of my blogging while naked in the internet mainframe wearing a wolf/lion on my head, and yes while blogging I do become PURE ENERGY floating above a pixilated exotic landscape - I don’t see how that’s anyone’s business.
-David

Last Week On The Hills


Fact: The Hills, Season 3, is the best season of all The Hills Seasons.
-David

This Cannot Be Unwatched

Is this what watching the video from The Ring is like? Its reassuring to see this is a straight guy, and gays aren't the only people into effing wierd sick s-ht.
-David

Friday, May 15, 2009

Pardon My Mess


A British man died in his own “labryinth of trash” at home. I have a maze of trash at apartment too you know, I just don’t show off about it.
via unique daily
-David

Grossout


If that horrible sweater & hat combo wasn't enough to make me barf, I am for sure barfing over those Madonna hands and the exposed privates. Sick.
-David

Not


-David

Git To Googlin'


I just discovered someeething! Its called the Google preferred sites experiment. It will auto complete your search with the most popular related search terms. So now I can see how, and what America googles. This is kind of like how The Family Feud works.
4 example in the search above, we learned that what people MOST want to know about gay men is:
A) why are they so feared?
B) so attractive?
C) feminine?
Lets take a look at some more hilarious searches:
Why does my...
It hurts when I...
Is fashion...
play along at home!
via google experimental
-David

Makeover!


Anyone out there in the internet watch Mtv's The Hills? If you have, you've maybe noticed the mad dramatic changes undergone by one of the show's leading ladies, Heidi Montage. So in this new series of memes I will be making over high profile ladies of the world, in the style of OUR favorite lady of The Hills.
Help me decide who is next in line for a makeover OK?
A) Janet Reno
B) Bea Aurthur (rest her soul putt putt)
C) Judith Light
please vote in the comments
-David

T.G.I.F.


-David

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Oh Hai does My House

Sometimes you just gotta club. And of course Oh Hai Vintage does not discriminate when it comes to outrageousness. We say bring it on.
In small doses please.

So ok yes every once in a while. Yea we do it. We Club. Sometimes you just have too. It's always worth it. always.
So JoJo was all like. "hey let's check out My House... It will be most excellent outrageous." And i'm all like. "you never want to go to my house because i don't have HBO or nothing" but then i quickly got hip to it.
Our buddy David Schneider from the good ol beauty bar days does Wednesday nights at this most ultimate nightclub. Gotta love him.
So you know right My House is this club that is supposed to look like someones luxury home. But when you are inside you really can't tell because it's packed full of tanned glitter top babies and cologne saturated clubbin dudes. Do you know what place i'm talking about ? It's one of the sound stages where they film the Hills.

Ha Ha boy let me tell ya it was excellent. Lucky for us we did spot a handful of genuinely fierce fashionz. Which was shocking within the midst of "fashion"looks that just made us crack those ' yes yes yes i'm Lovin it" smiles all over the place.
Excuse me busboy we need a clean up in the champagne room. There's Christian Audigier throw up all over some guys affliction man blouse. Could somebody get some seltzer water? and some turpentine?. thanks. Oh wait that's on purpose. whoops nevermind.
Anyways sometimes living in LA you either gotta suck it up and party like a Lohan and or actually get yourself in a position where you can watch a Lohan party like a Lohan IRL. Does that make sense? It rounds out the seasons.



Just the usual you's guyses. no big whoop.


Angeline made it out alive and is lookin fine

Also does anyone know what the heck is up with Brody Jenners GF's face? Is that natural or plastic surgery ? Beautiful girl and hot body right. But In person it's like Jedi mind tricks. Is she 35 ? 29 ? ..what she's 23 ? say what ? Apparently Brody and his playmate actually do live at my house. I should have known after seeing the luxury monogrammed BJ bath towels in the restroom.
Ack and sorry David no Speidi. It must have been their night off. Just like the buzz light years and daffy ducks at Disneyland... The reality personalities..(if you could call them personalities) do their clubbin in shifts...and can only take their heads off in the break room.
But there was that other LC guy..the Jason Wahler? squawk ? I am getting these names to faces from the webs... not from personal knowledge of mainstream celebrity randoms of course.
Club life and Grey Goose 4ever !

NOTE MY HOUSE TRENDZ AND OBSERVATIONS

man snoods
men in lady vests
texting
Odorousness
dirty looks
handsome bartenders
tourists clubbers
fake tots
over accesorizing
huge ass security dudes in nice suits
gaudiness
lots of stairs
wide chairs
white people




Grabbin Bougies


Cassidy in super hot vintage gave Nicolas this sweet Alexander Wang Sweater


Super fierce Spoilt Girl Chiedza


Kim had on this vintage sailor skirt. super cute Cap e tan


I have no friends. i club alone


These guys have very nice tastes in shoes


Clubbin peek a boo

We miss D Schneider's face.
Hey down there Vodka soda's and Vicodin for everyone !
Table service of butts

Clubbin people do it on this bed



We don't care



Joannasarahsaur